Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Discuss your creative projects: game development, writing, film making or any thing else, fantasy related or otherwise! Talk about art you like, display your own artwork or stories, or offer help and insight.
Forum rules
Please read the Forum rules and policies before posting.
User avatar
boyflea
Expert
Posts: 321
Joined: Mon Nov 20, 2006 3:23 pm
Location: Southampton, UK
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by boyflea »

thankyou! I'll have a go at rendering your map soon too, so do not get jealous too much. :D.
The stonework walls? Pristine. The floor? Level. The waterworks? Flowing. Central heating? The Dragon in the basement was grumpily heating the pipes. Lord Chaos consulted the blueprints again, looking for the bathroom. #playmygame!
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

Dave, Please use them; I love the looks; exactly, how I described them in my story.

Also Chapter 20 you will get more of the world and a Karna backstory, as you saw me cliffhanger that :P
User avatar
boyflea
Expert
Posts: 321
Joined: Mon Nov 20, 2006 3:23 pm
Location: Southampton, UK
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by boyflea »

Wonderful, thankyou - and yes - cannot wait to find out more about DM's coolest shield-maiden, :)
The stonework walls? Pristine. The floor? Level. The waterworks? Flowing. Central heating? The Dragon in the basement was grumpily heating the pipes. Lord Chaos consulted the blueprints again, looking for the bathroom. #playmygame!
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

i'll pop what I wrote so far on the site; so you can read her background.
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

Its funny when you read your stuff, I noticed a huge flaw in my story because I said something in chapter 19, that contradicted what I wrote in Chapter 1. So I had to change chapter 1 for it to make total sense. It also ties in better with the halls of champions now.
User avatar
Chaos-Shaman
High Lord
Posts: 2642
Joined: Wed May 03, 2006 7:26 pm
Location: The Gates of Hell

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Chaos-Shaman »

That's not unusual Misskarna. I'm sure professional novel writers do it as well. Remembering the entire story has always been something that's impressive by writers. Their brain must be one with the story. I believe that's why movies portray them alone somewhere with an old typewriter with blank paper so as to have no distractions.
keep your gor coin handy
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

oops, Just noticed I been using a bad seo on my wordpress website, thanks to a post i saw from gambit, I changed it now to post names!
Also the contents page is stickied as well, going to start writing more of chapter 20; going be interesting how I get my champions to figure out warp maze :P
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

chapter 20 is coming along so good, right now!

I am interacting with everything; because it was never explained if Chaos, tortured the champions, he captured in the mirrors.
User avatar
boyflea
Expert
Posts: 321
Joined: Mon Nov 20, 2006 3:23 pm
Location: Southampton, UK
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by boyflea »

Interesting to see your theory on that: I think we have all wondered about the mirrors.
The stonework walls? Pristine. The floor? Level. The waterworks? Flowing. Central heating? The Dragon in the basement was grumpily heating the pipes. Lord Chaos consulted the blueprints again, looking for the bathroom. #playmygame!
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

I have a quick question, writing the combination, puzzle in the store rooms, in csb editor if it says deactivate, with a green line, is that closing or opening a wall that is already closed, I have only used grimrock and Java for dungeon making.

In my intelligence, this tells me... it should be opening the wall, I just want make sure as I want them to fail for a few and have the person that usually solves the puzzles to do it, as that is her trait.
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

I explained it like this, I think that's how it actually works usually i just push the 3 switches and it opens the passage, since only one switch is needed, and I had the puzzle solver explain some toggle and some open. I guess it doesnt need be spot on, longs its pretty similar dungeon master fans will accept it in my story =p
User avatar
boyflea
Expert
Posts: 321
Joined: Mon Nov 20, 2006 3:23 pm
Location: Southampton, UK
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by boyflea »

I thought your question about maps was very odd to include here, but have just realised something: are you working through a map editor to write out your story with? It makes sense if you are - I've just done something similar with the RTC original dungeon by George Gilbert, though rather than writing a story I've re-written the map as another game. Still, I knew I was drawn to this novel for a reason.

I do have some feedback on your story: to me, there are two goals you are going for in this story: a dungeon-crawling romance.
1/ you are explaining step-by-step the experience of a team of 4 as they navigate the original dungeon.
2/ you are exploring the relationship of the 4 team-members - and not surprisingly for you, there are two men and two women.

I think the earlier chapters give more detail to the dungeonl, but I am finding it easier to read now some more focus is on the second goal - and now that the four champions are explaining their backstory, it is getting more involving for the reader. For me it was difficult to understand their motiviation for their actions but now it is becoming clearer and more interesting.

You have taken on a big project trying to reproduce the original map, step-by-step: may I make a recommendation to make 'goal 1' easier for people to get into? You have started to include nice images of the monsters - what if you included a map for the chapter, perhaps with numbered pointers. And the body of text is big for each chapter - if each encounter perhaps had a sub-header, would that help? I am thinking tricks like these would help stop users skim-reading and get some focus. You would be creating a game-walkthrough with a story binding all parts together.

Anyway, that aside (and please ignore if unwanted), I would say that once you get used to the format you are writing in, it is great as I can see parts of the map in my mind and remember parts of the dungon clearly. And yes, I do want to see how the party develops too - (come on Sana!).

I do realise that the rhythm of the text is a bit alien to me, the punctuation and grammar hints that this is something you are learning to do too and reads well. Perhaps a few exercises like the one Gambit did a while back: limit yourself to 100 words, for example (imagine a 3-part story with only 100 words each?) anyway, this is what I was referrring to - it gets you to think of the importance of each word. Again, just a suggestion - helped me.http://bit.ly/2rwr6Bb

I've also noticed the other stories you are posting and their structure is simpler and they currently work well, if a little cheeky for my tastes, :).

Chapter 20 does have soem nice plot for the unstoppable Karna, and the locations listed still work on the map I drafted, so your world is starting to come together in my head at least. Keep on with this, you seem to be learning how to write better with each chapter and are having a lot of fun. I'll continue reading them and reliving the dungeon - and hope we get a happy ending for the players too.
The stonework walls? Pristine. The floor? Level. The waterworks? Flowing. Central heating? The Dragon in the basement was grumpily heating the pipes. Lord Chaos consulted the blueprints again, looking for the bathroom. #playmygame!
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

Thanks for the feedback. Its all in first draft stages and I been reading up on proper use of things now as some of my paragraphs are wrong. So, I am going to finish writing it then fix all grammar and dialogue as I have improved over last 5 years at writing in general on how to flow sentences better, not using the same words. Also, I am using the editor, so that, I do not miss objects, I want the dungeon puzzles to be similar, but some times, a bit more excitement is added, like pits closing on their own: for example the cavern area of the matrix.

Also, earlier chapters I have explain a lot as, non dungeon master players may read it also, But, I am going to try and cut down the detail, and explain in shorter sentences with my second draft. Book 1, will finish at the ra doors and learn they have to search deeper to reach the staff. I am also going cause an explosion on the skeleton floor so it wont just be romance, there is gonna be drama, and a lot of it!

I already planted a seed in ch 19 of it happening.

My main goal of the story is this, is to make people feel they are in that dungeon, they are seeing what would chars do if they were placed in journey to save the world, 4 of them being forced to fight, work together, survive using only what they are given inside the dungeon.

The second goal, I cannot write as will spoil the story.

I just need becareful not to anticlimax the first book, but I think the drama part will keep the reader interested.
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

Also my pc been giving be hell, I ordered a nice gaming laptop for around 1200 to replace this old alienware piece of crap my gpu keeps shutting down and its frustrating as hell, thats one of reasons the chs are coming so slow.

Also noticed you said it was bit difficult to understand their motivation, maybe I should add the backstory earlier... but, being a dungeon crawler if I do it too early it will get repetitive quickly, its just finding that balance same with descriptions. Also some areas will be more combat orientated, and now i have area with few monsters, but more dangerous ones.

I tried for the realism part as well with some magic, no one is invincible, all have their traits and weaknesses and I am using them to perfection, when I can.

thats sort of what is going through my crazy, creative mind on this.
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

I know how to get reader more interested in early stages, I just need make them care about the other two characters more, I noticed people care mainly about Karna and Rheill. The way I can do this is go into their backgrounds a bit more in like chapters 3-7, and do isai in choose the fate floor. I can go into as much details, but leave the parts out in 19.

I got some ideas, but won't touch it for now , just want to reach the tomb of the firestaff.

your feed back as been very helpful. Dave, ty very much, I like to take criticism and turn it into a positive. I did that on my last story about myself as they told me there was a lack of passion, changed it now it so much better putting my personal naughty thoughts going through my mind ;-)

- Natasha (Misskarna)
User avatar
boyflea
Expert
Posts: 321
Joined: Mon Nov 20, 2006 3:23 pm
Location: Southampton, UK
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by boyflea »

All sounds very positive and look forward to it! Glad I did not sound too negative (I do hope not, I like your story!) and hope it all helps!
The stonework walls? Pristine. The floor? Level. The waterworks? Flowing. Central heating? The Dragon in the basement was grumpily heating the pipes. Lord Chaos consulted the blueprints again, looking for the bathroom. #playmygame!
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

Btw my site has moved to its root directory now https://karnas-creative-writing.com/ still working on chapter 20 I had to sort some SSL issues out for better seo and protection of the website. Also a brand new exciting layout will be coming soon to the site.
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

Chapter 20, finally finished almost 8000 words, because of a lot of dialogue, lol
and complexity of puzzles in the room with switches and the warp maze, last chapter and they will reach dreaded beholder floor, which is gonna be fun to write, especially with something I have planned!

https://karnas-creative-writing.com/boo ... ore-rooms/
User avatar
boyflea
Expert
Posts: 321
Joined: Mon Nov 20, 2006 3:23 pm
Location: Southampton, UK
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by boyflea »

Great stuff!
You put a lot of description in there, but it does make sense and can see the levels as I read through.
Love it, can't wait for Isai's backstory!
The stonework walls? Pristine. The floor? Level. The waterworks? Flowing. Central heating? The Dragon in the basement was grumpily heating the pipes. Lord Chaos consulted the blueprints again, looking for the bathroom. #playmygame!
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

finally back to writing, i had to take a break, for new ff14 expansion now i have a raid team again and got all my crafters leveled, I can write again, having some trouble thinking a chapter name for 21, I will just write and name it after I think.
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

my new layout is up for the website https://karnas-creative-writing.com/ and I am working on chapter 21 of my story when I am not raiding :P
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

Kind of breaking bit of lore from dungeon master world, but my story, but Hawk is going be something other than a barbarian :P, but backstory is done for the sorceress and working on Isai the Monks one now :P
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

Chapter 21 is now finished, I had split some of it and move it to chapter 22, as it was approaching 8000 words XD, lot of dialogue in this one, think you wlll enjoy this.


https://karnas-creative-writing.com/boo ... -tenacity/
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

Before I write more, I am doing a massive editing haul of all the chapters using some editing tools I found online. My first chapter looks so much better now!

The tavern and forest seem so alive now!
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

re-edited chapter 3 now. still working on the rest as want to bring the dungeon really to life before I continue writing chapter 23!
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

I have moved my website with the project to http://natashas-creative-writing.com under my real name.

I have re-edited 8 chapters of the story. This is where I have learned how to enhance my writing further, allowing for better use of descriptions and writing in the active voice instead of passive voice.

Those 8 chapters and the prologue are all active and ready to be read. I will be doing rest of chapters over next two months so I can continue this project and finally get it finished, I have decided to change the name of the trilogy to The Legend of the Firestaff to avoid copyright issues with the name Dungeon master.
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

Chapter 12 now up and running with the new version, getting there!

https://natashas-creative-writing.com/b ... hapter-12/

few new layers added in last few chapters, to display the emphasis on the characters more and their thoughts.
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

Chapter 13 edited.

Oh, it really does feel like I am taking a trip through dungeon master when I read and edit this.

Made the scene in this chapter even more powerful now, live now on my blog/website.

https://t.co/N6xBJy4d5F
User avatar
Misskarna
Journeyman
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:47 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Dungeon master Trilogy Story Project (Novel)!

Post by Misskarna »

https://natashas-creative-writing.com/b ... hapter-15/

up to chapter 15 edited and rewritten!
Post Reply