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"Gah, it's so simple," said Zyx as one of his poisonous rats started chewing on his long johns, "the clear beer in the flagon of pointy style is not as vile as the dark mead in the flowery transparent cup that the greedy seed of the royal weed once secured for his dying lord to drink right up when he had the hiccups!"
Searching around for something thwackingly handy, Beowuuf found a large umbrella propped against the wall and with one swift thrust, plunged it hard into Zyx's...
...'twin brother', who looked on with unamused disdain and a lack of care no matter how many times Beowuuf stabbed him, finally forcing Beowuuf to give up, belch loudly, and take the four glasses from the two brothers' Zyx in his four paws and stagger in a zig zag into the room.
"Here, hold theeesh you twoosh," he said to Tiggy, putting the two drinks into her hands then rushing over to the door and thumping on it with his feet haphazardly, saying, "not again, dead hamsters need to stay dead!"
"Isn't it a little early to be pissed?" mused Tiggy to herself as she noticed the glory of the enticing intoxicant before her and downed both before you could say "Feck!"
This left Tiggy's poor little body so confused that instead of trying to both die and recover, it instead decided to genetically mutate and changed her into something quite remarkable:
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, the almighty hamster mother returns to puneesh the shinnershesh," said a terrified drunk Beowuuf collapsing dead of a heart attack and unlocking the secret door when he fell.
Tiggy the Hamster Mother looked sad, she only wanted to make friends and the funny man had gone and pooped his clogs, so she looked around for someone else to play with and spied the gang of champions.
"MUMMY!" said Daroou, tears in his eyes, rushing forward to embrace his long lost maternal figure and stamping violently on Hissssa's tail in thre process.
Tiggy was puzzled by the strange hairy man running towards her and was unsure what to do about it, when the genetic turmoil inside her went all T-virus and transformed her further, taking her to twenty feet tall in a split second, massive blonde afro scraping the ceiling of the majestic hall.
Luckily, Daroou was spared the heartbreaking sight of his 'mother' changing when Hissssa grabbed him by the throat with lizard-y talons while a a red throbbing 'third leg' was waved irately at the hairy man-mountain.
The Mummy screamed in fright at the talkative headless Trolin, and contrary to normal behaviour took off at great speed and dived behind a sofa, where he found 28 pence, a remote control and the remains of Theron's last take-way curry.
"How am I supposed to hide things AND hold my own head!" wailed the inconsolable Trolin inconsolably, setting his head down on a patent Star Trek(TM) Explodable Console (TM) so his body could blindly stagger around with the incriminating evidence to hide.
Sophia looked a bit surprised that someone had joined her in her hiding place, and looked dismayed when the mummy grabbed the curry she was planning on eating, and the 28 pence that she was saving up (as she was American, 28 pence would get her roughly $150)
"Hey, what's the big idea?" she protested. She didn't really want to know what the big idea was, mind you-- a moderately-sized idea would suffice.
"Ah, the BIG sized deal is if you let me steal your curry meal then I'll also eat your ice-cream, FOR FREE, and a LARGE drink of your choice later," said the mummy, not letting go of the opportunity to earn his advertising money even though Sophia had said 'idea' in stead of 'deal' like he had hoped.
The lewd book of jokes fell to the ground, right at the feet of the Trolin who swiftly plucked it up with one hand, grabbed his head with the other, and went off into the corner for some quality Trolin time.
Syra saw one of the books, and thinking it a new spellbook she opened it and read the content in a move that turned her face red, Stamm's face red and sweaty, and rendered comatose the morally upright Leif the Valiant.
Confused that one joke book had turned into many, Elijah suddenly entered the story, suspicious that nefarious dark magic might be at play and determined to find the perpetrator at all costs!
"It's part of the meal deal, buy one get one free!" said the ghost of the mummy, still alive in one of the books and burping happily on the ghost of curry.
"What's all this dark magic insanity!?" shrieked Elijah as he fled from the mummy ghost in terror, tripping over a ruffled carpet and flying headlong into the hideous lap dancing Vexirk: trinkets and cash hidden in various secret places under that Jawas robe went spilling everywhere, and the poor Magenta Worm quickly shuffled off in embarrassment leaving behind his day-glo tutu.
Meanwhile, in the master bedroom above, Theron sadly wondered what had become of his pet 'cat' Bartholo-Meow - he did hope it wouldn't attack any 'rats' again this year.
Daroou, badly beaten down by his saurian companion, threw up his past meal, which happened to contain quite a few cat bones, and a ball of hair, and Sonja's panties.
...or so, everyone thought, but it was just Boris' wand emanating a little puff of smoke; he obvously failed at banishing all the naughty jokes in the books.
