Dogs versus Cats

Post by **Gambit37** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 4:15 pm

A Day in the life of a dog

8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
5:00 pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!
6:00 pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

A Day in the life of a cat

Day 283 Of My Captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

Post by **Zyx** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 4:49 pm

Hmm, I must have been a cat in a former life.

Post by **PaulH** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 5:17 pm

Cats just need a good dose of Prozac. And when I hear them screaming at each other in the middle of the night like they always seem to do, I just let the dog out. I don't mind cats, but not one has ever brought me the post up the stairs or crapped in a designated area.

Post by **Ameena** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 7:36 pm

Dogs don't necessarily chase cats 'cause they're like "Ooh, a cat, keeeeeeeeell!"...it's more like...

Dog - "Ooh what's this small furry thing...
Cat - OMG wtf big scary hairy thing coming towards me!
Dog - Ooh small furry thing is running...instinct...coming...must chase...

But anyway, yeah that was quite funny reading Gammy

. Weird how certain animals conjure up certain personas just by the way they look and behave.

Post by **PaulH** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 7:56 pm

Yes, any furry thing! Like my foot!

http://hometown.aol.co.uk/Supersonic525/ellie1.jpg

Post by **Zyx** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 8:11 pm

Ah come one, this is a glove puppet, your wrist is noticeable below the cloth. I bet your lips are moving when it barks.

FAKE!

Besides the teeth of the puppet are made like humans' teeth, not dogs' teeth.

Post by **PaulH** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 8:13 pm

That was taken on my phone last year! And is real! I have LOTS more, but I can't be arsed to upload them!

And I have very wide feet...

The dog's teeth do look rather odd, you don't notice it on the phone. I guess because she was moving.

Post by **PaulH** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 8:22 pm

http://hometown.aol.co.uk/Supersonic525/el3.jpg

There ya go, thats her rather sharp teeth.

http://hometown.aol.co.uk/Supersonic525/el2.jpg

And thats me teaching her to open cans of beer

Post by **Zyx** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 8:22 pm

PaulH wrote:I have LOTS more, but I can't be arsed to upload them!

Yeah, yeah. Of course. You can't be arsed to upload them, eh? Of course. Should have expected an answer of this kind.

Oh and the left eye is slightly out of its socket.

And you betrayed yourself by naming it Ellie. Ellie is the name of God which is the great Puppet Master.

Post by **PaulH** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 8:24 pm

^^^^

Short for 'stella'

Post by **Zyx** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 8:28 pm

Argh, beaten by a few seconds! Alright, you're quick and good at faking pictures, I concede that.
The two first photos hide innocently the lower part of the body, which is a well known trick.

However, I dare not imagine the trouble you took to dig a hole in your sofa to manipulate an entire puppet. I just can't understand why you're doing all this. That's frightening!

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 8:37 pm

LMAO I think this whole conversation is faked, about five posts appeared out of nowhere that would make me spit coke frommy nise if...you know...I had any left *sniff* *snort* *cough*

Post by **PaulH** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 8:39 pm

The dog has mind control:

http://hometown.aol.co.uk/Supersonic525/08082005.jpg

Post by **Zyx** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 8:46 pm

Photoshopped! Do I look ingenuous to you?
You take a photo of you arm and draw a dog in the background. I can tell you're being pushed out of your limits because despite all your talent you made two mistakes in your rush:
1. you forgot the upper left canine
2. you only sketched the tail

PD: you draw fast and good too.

Post by **PaulH** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 8:49 pm

Dog says Zyx is winding me up! Paul stops being wound up! Now for one biting Zyx's head off!

That was with my new megapixel phone camera, need to play with the settings a bit (I 50% reduced for the upload). Not happy with the contrast really. And I have a bloody rash on my hand now!

Post by **Zyx** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 8:58 pm

Ellie, Ellie, lema sabachtani?

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 9:17 pm

It looks like it's left teeth are actually the carry handle when you aren't performing your strange puppet performance art

These pictures are good for a phone camera...soon the phone cameras will be better than my stand alone camera...le sigh

Lema sabachtani zyx?

Post by **Zyx** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 9:31 pm

"Why did you abandon me?"

Just quoting the most famous crosswords ever.

Post by **cowsmanaut** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 10:44 pm

Cat's vs dogs.. I just got this in my email

I'm a cat person 100%.. I like how cat's are independant. The dog needs to have your attention.. all the time!!. It HAS to please you.. The cat on the other hand can do it's own thing, it'll come visit you a while.. then go off and enjoy it's own company.. chew the houseplants, scratch the sofa.. HEY CUT THAT OUT YOU FUZZLY LITTLE BASTARD!!! er...

But yeah, cats do crap in a designated area.. it's called a litterbox.. you actually have to own one.

And for those who think you can not train a cat.. don't try hard enough. Cat's can understand just as much as a dog, they just don't have the same motivations. If you know what motivates your cat you can train them. Mine will come most of the time when called, knows what a number of words mean.. expecially "get out of there"

just gotta watch the whole A.D.D. thing.. oh look.. shiny thing.. *runs* .. hmm sounds like someone on these forums

moo

Post by **PaulH** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 10:45 pm

Nowt til ever be as good as analogue...

Ellie is currently frog hunting in the garden.

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 10:48 pm

Hey, I resent.... oh, look, talking door... *runs off*

I noticed that cats respond to words with a certain tone of voice too...they tend to remmeber the combination of both, rather than just the word itself (like the name at a certain tone of voice or infelction not just the name)

Post by **PaulH** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 10:50 pm

Oh, ellie is amazingly lazy until she smells food or sees a cat. Or I torment her and get her to perform tricks.

I do like cats as well actually, they are good at catching flying insects. But as for toilet habits, them black things on MY lawn are not from my dog! Its the next door neighbours cat!

Post by **cowsmanaut** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 10:56 pm

Cats and dogs are bad because their owner is bad.. not the otherway around. The cat crapping on your lawn has not had it explained to them that it's not polite to do that.. it needs to be handled delicately with a firm swift kick up the arse.. er.. I mean

No, just get a nice super soaker and leave it near the door.. when the cat comes.. soak the little bastard and he'll get the message. When they get to hissing, a little water solves the problem. Trust me.. i've had to do it.

moo

Post by **PaulH** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 10:59 pm

Ha, my dad used to do that! I just let the dog out now and watch the bugger run. There seems to be hordes of cats round here. You hear them clambering on the shed in the night. But one of them is slate grey with big yellow eyes, quite beautiful: he's alright. Well, he's usually in the conifers birdwatching.

Post by **cowsmanaut** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 11:51 pm

yes, the mild mannered ones are nice.. they sit and do their own thing..

but really, all cats have that potential.. just as any dog can be a murderous beast.. just a matter of how they are raised.. or not. The wild dogs they have in some areas are just nasty..the'll take down a 4 year old kid and eat them just like any other prey if they got half the chance. Little timmy's best friend is still at it's heart a killer. Same with cats.. the killer instinct is there.. we often just forget about it..

but that's annother story entirely..

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 11:58 pm

I fear cows's army of killer cats and dogs.

I think the most scary thing I've encountered with a cat was a grown up kitten that loved to 'play' - then just suddenly it decided my arm was prey and that was it, I have these needle sharp teeth and claws dug very seriously in my arm, and it was impossible to bat him off as he kept jumping up and digging in. Really, I believe it's considered impolite to bash a cat's head off the ground if you are a guest

Post by **cowsmanaut** » Tue Aug 09, 2005 12:04 am

yes, some cat's get away with that kind of crap because no one taught the cat that it's going to be punished for eating the guests..

this is where you come with a nice blow dart.. as soon as the little bugger comes in the room.. make sure he takes a nice long nap

Post by **PaulH** » Tue Aug 09, 2005 12:09 am

Cats are so amazingly quick. I used to play 'tag' with one that came in my house, through the bannisters on the stairs. I tried to tap his nose, he had to get my hand. So I had the upper hand and he still got me every time! Sharp claws too. If you fired a dart it would probably catch it and laugh at you! AK-47 I reckon...

Post by **Ameena** » Tue Aug 09, 2005 12:52 am

Well, domestic cats and dogs have had their killer instinct bred out of them to a certain extent (dogs more so than cats 'cause they were domesticated a few thousand years earlier)...in dogs, they've been selectively bred over the millennia into the breeds we know today, each bred that way for a particular trait desired by the humans who bred them. Cats are just...cats, I suppose. The reason they're harder to train at stuff is 'cause in the wild, cats (with the exception of lions) live alone unless raising cubs (in which case it's just the female as the male would have bogged off to find other females). Thus, they have no real instinctive desire to form a social hierarchy and act to please those higher than them. With dogs, of course, they have the pack instinct they inherited from their wolfish ancestors and so view the humans they live with as the rest of their pack. If the humans don't take charge (ie, the alpha position in the pack, from the dog's point of view) and the dog has a dominant personality (not all dogs do!), that's when you'll start to get behavioural problems (chewing furniture, jumping up at people, being aggressive etc). Most times it's the human's fault if there's something wrong with how the dog's acting. Of course, some dogs, no matter how dominant you fail to be, will just lie on the floor waiting for a tummy rub

.
Hmm am I getting too technical and in-depth there...where were we anyway...oh well, dogs and cats...yeah...

Post by **Zyx** » Tue Aug 09, 2005 1:43 am

On the contrary, it's interesting, Ameena! However, if you're going to be technical, you shouldn't say that lions are cats and that wolves are ancestors of dogs...
Also, I'm not sure if the killer instinct of dogs was bred out of them more than cats.