Dungeon Master Forum

oh_brother wrote:I have coughed up phlegm that was a more able swordsman than you.

It's sad for you that this phlegm hasn't taught you a few moves.

I see - I'm too fast for you. Sorry. Perhaps I should slow down considerably to give you at least a feeling that you have any chance against me.

Yes, you are fleeing far too fast, I would appreciate it if you slowed down.

I am going to beat you so hard - by the time I am through no one will be able to tell if you are a man or a monkey. Actually, forgot that, it is difficult enough to tell already.

oh_brother wrote:...no one will be able to tell if you are a man or a monkey...

Monkey, definitely a monkey, a tall (mostly) hairless monkey.

Even a blind man could have seen (and smelt) that.

Funny you should mention that, I have been fighting blind to try to make this a fair competition!

Now, why don't you just stop your wild swinging and just give up?

Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day everyone!

Yes, matching your style is rather tiring, I'll switch back to a skillful stab and end this fight.


You bray like a donkey, move like a mule, and look like an ass!


LMAO, and now the reason for reviving this from the arrrrrchive becomes clear

aaaar, you're so ugly i' can barely look at ya with one eye... aaaarr

oh_brother wrote:Funny you should mention that, I have been fighting blind to try to make this a fair competition!

Now, why don't you just stop your wild swinging and just give up?

Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day everyone!

are you from Berlin?

I think the logical retort to the thread necromancy is... It took you a year and 9 months to come up with that?

beowuuf wrote:You bray like a donkey, move like a mule, and look like an ass!

Still better than you - you talk like a donkey, think like a mule, and fight like an ass!

If you want to sell you sword, advertise it as "unused, just cast away a few times".

Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!

I may be guilty of thread necromancy, but I am not from Berlin!

Jan wrote: If you want to sell you sword, advertise it as "unused, just cast away a few times".

You are right, with opponents like you my sword is as good as new.

You couldn't run me through, even if I stood still and you spent 4 years taking a degree in "How to stab pirates."

Quite correct: your blubberous form makes it difficult, and your inability to be a pirate makes it impossible!


I strike with alacrity while you stagger with languidity

oh_brother wrote:I may be guilty of thread necromancy, but I am not from Berlin!

Jan wrote: If you want to sell you sword, advertise it as "unused, just cast away a few times".

You are right, with opponents like you my sword is as good as new.

You couldn't run me through, even if I stood still and you spent 4 years taking a degree in "How to stab pirates."

I had to ask, because necromancy came just at the day when the pirate's party entered the Berlin parlament. They got around 8% at the voting- No one has to fear them though - those are just most young people who wants free internet access, free busses and a minimal fix income for everyone.
I ... could live with that

Now on with the battles here, so far that's not too amusing for the audience. Thumbs down for those gladiators. Let the lions out!
Where do I ger popcorn?

beowuuf wrote:I strike with alacrity while you stagger with languidity

I can't believe your naivety when you talk with such an audacity.

Now I can see why you're a vegetarian - because even a cooked snail would kick your ass.

Bit wrote:I had to ask, because necromancy came just at the day when the pirate's party entered the Berlin parlament. They got around 8% at the voting- No one has to fear them though - those are just most young people who wants free internet access, free busses and a minimal fix income for everyone.
I ... could live with that

Ok that explains it, I was a "Bit" confused.

Jan wrote:Now I can see why you're a vegetarian - because even a cooked snail would kick your ass.

Clearly they outclass you then, since you cannot lay a finger on me!

I have seen cow pats that were better fighters than you.

oh_brother wrote:I have seen cow pats that were better fighters than you.

I'm afraid you had to sit on those pats by accident because otherwise I can't explain the smell coming from your pants.

Do you want me to close my eyes and plug my ears to make it a fair fight?

Everyday is a Talk Like a Pirate Day!

That's ok, I'll still beat you even though I poked out my eyes and took my own ears off to avoid the sight and sound of you.


Were your parents both born without bones? Or is your spinlessnes learned not inhereted?

This is not bonelessness, it's agility. But I can understand your mistake because you're as flexible as a wooden plank.

You're nuts and you parents were chestnuts.

Actually I don't know if this is an insult at all, but I'm a pirate and we don't have to know everything because we're mostly the most illiterate scumm of the Earth, so what the heck.

Pfft. Popcorn is out and they are still talking.
Okay, on with the hot dogs.
Perhaps I should throw one down for that the action starts.

<BoNes jumps into the fray, and drags poor Bit out of the crazy Jan's way>

Jan wrote:You're nuts and you parents were chestnuts.

Appropriate that you should mention chestnuts before you get roasted!

Your days are numbered. This world will be a brighter place when you are 6-feet under!

oh_brother wrote:Your days are numbered. This world will be a brighter place when you are 6-feet under!

*clink* *clink* *clink*

Not only are you the worst swordsman ever, you also got all the calculations wrong.

*clink* *clink* *clink*

There's only one difference between me and God: God would have mercy. I won't.

*clink* *clink* *clink*

Lord_BoNes wrote:<BoNes jumps into the fray, and drags poor Bit out of the crazy Jan's way>

<BoNes becomes another item on the butcher's list>

There's only (what's that sound) one differnce (what's that sound) between the (what is it, really?) devil and myself. You won't (is it me?) see me again (Help!) after I kill you.


I slice and dice so fast I've been called the Peeler of Penzance

beowuuf wrote:I slice and dice so fast I've been called the Peeler of Penzance

It's too bad that your skills can be used on fruit and vegetables only.

Your father was a donkey, your mother was his mother, your brother was her brother and your sister was his mother-in-law!

OK, I'm out today. I can't understand my own insults anymore.

*disengage little-boy mode*

Lord_BoNes wrote:<BoNes jumps into the fray, and drags poor Bit out of the crazy Jan's way>

In some arenas the audience enters the battlefield, but the gladiators aren't allowed to climb up the fence. I wish to talk with the event manager - immediately! (counts hot dogs and hands one to the brave guard!).
After this - I think we'll have lions now!

RELEASE THE LIONS!

In the caribbean! - see the long way they had.
Was Lord BoNes who trained them - since then, they don't touch bones anymore
That's why it makes no sense to release them, when Gambit is in the arena
(Wonder what they'll do with wooden legs)

Oh! There they are.
Fiiiiiiine!
...
...
What?
...
They are just roaming insults...
I want my money back.

Alright, alright, so to get us back on track, there's a couple of loose insults:

The only victim of your swordmanship was your swordmaster - he died of laughing.

and

Oh, a talking scarecrow with a pointed stick in his hand. Get out of my way or I'll cut your straw in no time!

And one special gift-insult for BW:

You're a tough opponent. But if I succeed, this could be my Falkland Islands!

Since this softball was addressed to me:

You're a tough opponent. But if I succeed, this could be my Falkland Islands!

Now you mention it, you do resenble President Galtieri!


And to deal with the old one:

Your father was a donkey, your mother was his mother, your brother was her brother and your sister was his mother-in-law!

Your children are all donkies, their mothers are all you, their fathers were your mother in law, your sisters are all your father and your brothers are your mother's father's roommate's grandfather's housemaid's friend's cousin's pet cat!