My crazy mum is at it again! And my family sucks.
Posted: Sun Aug 29, 2010 8:22 pm
(This is a personal and emotional post, I just need somewhere to vent as I have no-one to talk to right now.)
Some of my family are utter c***s. I'm ashamed to be related to them.
You might have gathered from previous rants that my mum is mentally ill (manic schizophrenic). As a family, we've been dealing with this as best we can for nearly 40 years. It has been extremely stressful and traumatising and has nearly destroyed our family several times.
It's coming to a head again now. My mum's 75 and trying to take control of all her assets again (what little there are), despite the fact she's irrational and will probably sell everything and end up on the street. As a family we can get Enduring Power of Attorney over her financial affairs to try and protect her from making stupid decisions. My eldest brother held a previous EPA for over ten years, before relinquishing control back to Mum a couple of years ago when she "fought" him in court for the right to control her own affairs.
We are having to now make the decision as a family whether to try and get EPA again. It is going to be very expensive and emotionally traumatising. So some of my siblings are now saying "enough is enough". They say they are too tired to do it again, they have their own problems, it will be too expensive and that their own Mum simply isn't worth the bother anymore. They say we should walk away and leave Mum to her "destiny". I can understand some of the thinking (we are indeed all very tired and stressed from dealing with Mum's craziness over and over again) But these views that Mum should be left to get on with it only really apply if my Mum is a normal, rational, capable person. But she ain't.
If we walk away, my Mum will very possibly sell her house, be unable to buy anywhere else, and will end up on the street. She is 75, has angina, is mentally ill, and does all sorts of bizarre things that put either herself, or other people, in danger.
The system has failed to protect her, because when the need arises, she can present very well. Each time something happens, the "authorities" assess her on just that incident (despite her near 40 year medical history showing all sorts of crazy behaviour). And as Mum is not stupid, and can be lucid and cunning when the need arises, we can no longer get her onto the drugs that help moderate her mania.
I have a lot of issues regarding my relationship with my Mum. I went through some horrible times growing up as a result of her craziness (and my dad being an alcoholic didn't help either). As an adult I've taken steps to try and fix myself from a lot of the emotional damage sustained as a kid. I'm getting there, but still not totally accepting or comfortable with myself. But despite all the history, I can't just walk away from my Mum; she is still my Mum at the end of the day, and as an unwell person, she needs to be helped and protected, even if that means doing things she doesn't want us to do.
Two of my siblings have said "Fuck it, we've had enough." I can understand it to a point. But what made me especially angry is one of my brother's who said we should leave her to it. He's 51, a crazy scientologist, and has recently semi-retired after selling his own business. He has the most money out of any of us and has never done anything for Mum over the years, regarding her illness, other than doing taxi rounds and buying the odd appliance for her home. He's never been involved in her care, he never really lived through any of her weird shit the way some of the rest of us did, and yet he's the one who's most strongly saying "leave her to it."
What a fucking arsehole. I can't believe I'm related to this guy. I just hope that my arguments to the rest of the family have some effect and they don't all start thinking like him. Whatever our personal feelings on the matter, I believe that ethically we have a duty of care for our Mum. I certainly would not want my children to walk away from me if I was my Mum right now. Its' true that her crazy behaviour has driven most of us away from her and made us resent her; nevertheless, I believe she still needs protecting and we should do what we can.
I just want all this to end in the best possible way. I don't think it can. I don't know what we can really do if she doesn't want us to help her.
I hope you guys don't mind me posting this personal thread. I just needed to get it "out there" so to speak. I know that no-one here can help, but I would be curious to hear any perspectives that I have not considered.
Some of my family are utter c***s. I'm ashamed to be related to them.
You might have gathered from previous rants that my mum is mentally ill (manic schizophrenic). As a family, we've been dealing with this as best we can for nearly 40 years. It has been extremely stressful and traumatising and has nearly destroyed our family several times.
It's coming to a head again now. My mum's 75 and trying to take control of all her assets again (what little there are), despite the fact she's irrational and will probably sell everything and end up on the street. As a family we can get Enduring Power of Attorney over her financial affairs to try and protect her from making stupid decisions. My eldest brother held a previous EPA for over ten years, before relinquishing control back to Mum a couple of years ago when she "fought" him in court for the right to control her own affairs.
We are having to now make the decision as a family whether to try and get EPA again. It is going to be very expensive and emotionally traumatising. So some of my siblings are now saying "enough is enough". They say they are too tired to do it again, they have their own problems, it will be too expensive and that their own Mum simply isn't worth the bother anymore. They say we should walk away and leave Mum to her "destiny". I can understand some of the thinking (we are indeed all very tired and stressed from dealing with Mum's craziness over and over again) But these views that Mum should be left to get on with it only really apply if my Mum is a normal, rational, capable person. But she ain't.
If we walk away, my Mum will very possibly sell her house, be unable to buy anywhere else, and will end up on the street. She is 75, has angina, is mentally ill, and does all sorts of bizarre things that put either herself, or other people, in danger.
The system has failed to protect her, because when the need arises, she can present very well. Each time something happens, the "authorities" assess her on just that incident (despite her near 40 year medical history showing all sorts of crazy behaviour). And as Mum is not stupid, and can be lucid and cunning when the need arises, we can no longer get her onto the drugs that help moderate her mania.
I have a lot of issues regarding my relationship with my Mum. I went through some horrible times growing up as a result of her craziness (and my dad being an alcoholic didn't help either). As an adult I've taken steps to try and fix myself from a lot of the emotional damage sustained as a kid. I'm getting there, but still not totally accepting or comfortable with myself. But despite all the history, I can't just walk away from my Mum; she is still my Mum at the end of the day, and as an unwell person, she needs to be helped and protected, even if that means doing things she doesn't want us to do.
Two of my siblings have said "Fuck it, we've had enough." I can understand it to a point. But what made me especially angry is one of my brother's who said we should leave her to it. He's 51, a crazy scientologist, and has recently semi-retired after selling his own business. He has the most money out of any of us and has never done anything for Mum over the years, regarding her illness, other than doing taxi rounds and buying the odd appliance for her home. He's never been involved in her care, he never really lived through any of her weird shit the way some of the rest of us did, and yet he's the one who's most strongly saying "leave her to it."
What a fucking arsehole. I can't believe I'm related to this guy. I just hope that my arguments to the rest of the family have some effect and they don't all start thinking like him. Whatever our personal feelings on the matter, I believe that ethically we have a duty of care for our Mum. I certainly would not want my children to walk away from me if I was my Mum right now. Its' true that her crazy behaviour has driven most of us away from her and made us resent her; nevertheless, I believe she still needs protecting and we should do what we can.
I just want all this to end in the best possible way. I don't think it can. I don't know what we can really do if she doesn't want us to help her.
I hope you guys don't mind me posting this personal thread. I just needed to get it "out there" so to speak. I know that no-one here can help, but I would be curious to hear any perspectives that I have not considered.