Dungeon Master Forum

Boris however, started spitting towards the lever in an attempt to add lubricatation.

Chani, who had hitherto been rubbing ink splots off her face from the huge receipt in the bottom of the Gigantic Carrier, suddenly squeaked "Boris, stop, you'll catch a dose of Exploding Nasal Gate Rust!"

With Boris' lips through the portcullis, his stringy mucus had covered our poor hampster with sufficient mass to weigh down the switch, but now found his head stuck and was moving in an upward direction as the portcullis opened!

"Help!" he screamed as his feet were lifted off the ground and he started inching towards the fetchingly painted, yet ultimately fatal ceiling.

The mummy advanced, arms forward, as they do with over 3000 years of BO.

Noting the large tube of KY left by the giant, Gothmog deftly shifted it's angle and lept onto it coating boris in a thick layer of lubricant which caused him to gradually slide out of place, but would it be soon enough?

"Wuuf! We need wuuf!" cried Daroou as the smell triggered a memory, "his biker BO is 10 times worse!"

the Mummy slipped in the large puddle of KY and began cursing in egyptian just as boris slipped out and fell upon the dusty pile of rags and they began thrashign about together like some bizzare wrestling match...

'Fire', thought Nabi, 'as one would burn faster than the other'.

Daroou scampered off to get Wuuf while Nabi prepared Ful Ir but Boris could hear him chanting the firey spell and realised it was gonna be him or the mummy who would...

...be in a hot and sticky situation. 'Oh,' thought Gothmog meanwhile, embarrassed to himself , 'if thats' the runes for Fireball, then what the blazes did I jsut cast?'

Boris and mummy suffered the double whammy of fire and electricity in one big explosion, but Boris hadn't realised that being covered in KY Jelly has an insulating and fire-retardant effect.

"So that's why Mophus and Leyla buy so much of it!" said Boris, finally understanding.

Before being hit on the head once more, this time by a wall as he was thrown across the room by an exploding mummy leaving a snails trail of KY in his wake.

"You don't see that everyday either!" said Mophus to Leyla, ignoring the explosive debris and flying bodies and pointing to the still squirming hamster who was now being given aid in his predicament by an amourous ferret.

Aid elsewhere came in the form of Mophus attending to an unconscious Boris who's first course of actions was to confirm if Boris was alive, by tickling his testicles - a common technique taught in his priests school.

Boris stirred with the priestly genital ministrations and muttered groggily "Mother, is that you?"

Elsewhere a duck was in trouble - the descending portcullus was thretening to squash poor Edward, who had got Gothmog's tankard and was braving feiry debris to try and return it to his master

Duck, ferret and hamster, were all in danger of making a nice stew.

Alex whistled innocently trying to push the duck back into the doorway with his foot - he liked stew almost as much as he enjoyed the pretty fire just now

Cooked in a sauce of Boris' mucus, plus essence of KY and a hint of BO it would turn out real nice.

"Boo!" yelled Halk suddenly, leaping toward the hamster and, after scooping it up, proceeded to wipe the KY off it and remonstrate it for getting lost - "Silly Boo...why did you wander off like that...getting lost...stay here now..." and completely oblivious to the strange looks he was getting from the others.

Boo had turned out to be a hero hamster, a champion rodent, a king amongst squeakers.

Felicia knew she would never love as strongly again, and Edward felt the first stirrings of jealousy!

It should of course be noted at this juncture that ducks are the most jealous of all creatures and will not think twice about beaking to death the duck of their affection if it's discovered having a ducky affair.

"Quack!" went the duck (in the forums worst case of someone trying to up their post count).

"I'm a bloody good doctor!" said Mophus, mortally offending, who proceeded to roast the duck and ferret alive with a fireball, to Alex's delight and Gothmog's heartbroken dispair, ending a classical love story but allowing something more interetsing to do with badgers some room in the story!

"Thank bloody good lord for that," announced Stamm who breathlessly lunged for the tastily toasted twosome, his belly growling "I'm starving!"

Just then Hawk grabbed hold of the narrator and began beating him with a large sporrin filled with coins, which incidentally was made with badger fur screaming "You want badgers you incoherrent louse? Hows that for badgers huh?!!" *SLAM SLAM SLAM*

The narrator took the point and concentrated less on innocent animal roastage and more on how to guide the champions safely passed the next obstacle, more terrifying than the mummy and more fiendishly cunnign than the rusted shut door - the obstacle of the big giant ...