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"How dare you mock me with your kissy face actions?!! I'll destroy you with my badger of doom (tm) badger of doom and flatulence of death are both trademarks of nabi prophet industries and can not be used without full concent of the afore mentioned trade markholders unless those holders have expressly given their permission which we have not as yet done for any one but for a small fee of 2000 gold we may put you on the list, further more nabi prophet industries and badger of doom (tm) are also .........." Nabi began to rant to himself as Elija pushed off Sonja and pulled out his....
enormous stainless steel garnishing tool (which he'd received for free while shopping in Debenhams earlier that day) and brandished it menancingly at the gigantic Badger, shouting:
"I relish the prospect of addressing our seasonal dispute!" - this earned him a clout over the head from Sonja who couldn't believe she snogged the moron, and wished she could get with the dreamy eyed Gothmog instead of watching this duell.
As luck would have it, the slitty-eyed wizard was slowly inching his way down the corridor from the opposite end, followed cautiously by Wuuf and Alex and as they got nearer to the ferocious Badger (of Doom, (tm), natch), Gothmog mis-incanted his fireball spell and turned himself into a ravenous Stoat.
Alex was both terrified and excited by the cunning plan Wuuf had come up with - while Gothmog distracted the badger (of doom(tm)(c)(r) (o)(o) ) Wuuf would simply stand around, allowing his BO to build up and mix with the badger's, and then once Gothmog was devoured utterly Alex could set fire to the whole disgusting miasma to kill the Badger!
"No! Wait," shouted the vomiting man suddenly, "I know that you're thinking of allowing your BO to mix with the badger's and then letting the new stoat be devoured utterly after which you'll expect this chap to set fire to the whole disgusting miasma to kill the Badger, but I have a better idea! See, we build this...
...giant Nabi figure, right, and the badger will come over and hug it, and then me, you, that chappie and stoat boy will come out of its legs. And when we come out of its legs, why, that's when...
we chop..." He didn't get to finish his master plan because the badger had turned around and was rapidly picking up the champions in it's giant paws, deftly wafting each one around it's bottom to tease them all with a swift sniff of their impending demise.
Soon there were several vomiting men rather than just one, as each came away coated in a slick yellowish slime which aparently was just the residue of the badgers anal glands and certainly more than most men can take.
And most men certainly can't take a chaotic badgers enormity, especially one doused in a vi ag ra potion concocted by a tremendously drunk but strangely sane...
.. blue preist of meanie, which happened to freaquent the woods near Nabi's childhood home, and likley where he got his lust for world domination. Who incidentally still rambling off some leagal littany as his badger was happily sodomising ....
"I won't stand for this!" said Halk firmly, falling down and crying at the terrible sight before him like an enourmous hairy baby in a brown furry nappy.
"That's not fair -- Halk get's a line after a few pages and I haven't said anything for, like, weeks!" whispered Iaido to Leyla knowingly, yet again breaking the fourth wall and annoying the narrator.
It was unfortunate that this would be his last words, as that alcohol poisoning that had been slowly coursing through his veins all the time *honestly* killed him *haha* - however, Leyla looked at the badger fouled alcove and back to the body of the dead samurai, and had a brilliant idea.
Sadly, the narrator couldn't read her mind and decided to return to the bizarre situation of altar-boning gigantic farty badger vs. a collection of perverted and sick misfits lost deep in both a well and a story of such oddness that...
'...even the gods themselves had turned from it and decided to sink it underwater as they had atlantis. "Oh great," said Gothmog, "the bottom of my robe is starting to get soaked fro mthe torrential rain, now how am I going to..."
be able to tell when I've weed myself?" Leyla roughly pushed him out of the way and made towards the badger, shouting "Looks like a flood is coming our way, maybe if we can tame this gigantic beast, we can all grab hold and he can swim us out of here?"
Suddenly, Nabi unexpectedly stopped his egomaniacal mumblings as he noticed the water lapping around his feet and turned to the group sadly, saying "Uh, um, errr, I'm sorry guys, I got a little carried away there -- now, does anyone have a plan to get us out of this...I can't swim!"
"Oh Right, your a right good tart aren't ya, ye bloody badger sodomising mongrel!" Yelled Stamm crossly "First you set this whole bloody mess upon us and when the gods get mad you want us to help you out of it I say NAY!"
"Wait a minute...we could set fire to the badger's arse," says Alex, staring wildly, "no, don't look at me like that Stamm, you'll like this, if we all grab Syra's chest and tie it to the bottom of the badger's bottom, then light the gasses on fire, why it will become like a hot air balloon and we can float to safety and up out of here!"
Wu Tse, who had seen little of the goings on due to self-censorship, spoke up: "There are many sheets in the far corridor left from your encounter with the laundry basket -- we can use those to make lanyards we can hold on to!"
Daroou and Phil had been busy hugging each other and catching up on family matters, but then Daroou said, "Brilliant, and you can use Phil's sticky hair and my naturally longer hair to form strongly bonded ropes for the lashing up of the lanyards and chest!"
Wuuf -- who had Gothmog the Stoat peering out of a top pocket -- growled his agreement, adding: "And if we used Geoffrey the screamer as kindling, we could probably get the fire going even quicker!"
Tiggy looked around, frowning, and commented...
"Umm...since we're down a well, why don't we all just grab hold of something buoyant, stand at the bottom of the shaft, and let the water carry us up and out?"
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Ameena, self-declared Wordweaver, Beastmaker, Thoughtbringer, and great smegger of dungeon editing!
"We'll never get out in time without some faster than walking badger propultion," explained Iaido, ressurected on the understanding that he pimp for the narrator and cover up the gaping holes in the logic.
Iaido fell down dead again, luckily into the badger-spooged altar so was ressurected properly, while the group tried to work out how to simultaneuosly run down the corridor again while setting fire to the badger
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