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It was impossible -- however hard they thought about it, none of their plans were good enough to get them out of the well quickly enough, except...

...if Alex were to brandish fire at the chest-hairless barbarians. They would be so scared they would probably run really fast, even with a few champions jumped onto their backs, fast enough to make it - if only Mophus hadn't been spending his time...

building a large wooden frame across the bottom of the well that had nailed to it a blown up photograph of his dazzling yet disturbing grin.

Just then a loud humming sound of an old elevator sounded above and was slowly getting closer, which mingled with the sound of the Grey lord saying "Terribly sorry I fogot to tell you..

about this old back door, I had it installed after that trouble with old Chaosy face. Now, what's going on here?"

The badger mistakes the grey lord for Nabi (well, they are a little bit similar, don't you think) and instantly lunges for his face in affection.

"Aararagh, no, geroff me you 'orrible great hairy beast, I am *not* your master!" he shrieked in a surprisingly girlish voice, as he whipped up a spell the champions had not heard before and launched it at the badger -- which instantly increased in size, so big in fact that it completely filled the corridor with no room to spare: "Ooops!" whimpered the Grey Lord in surprise.

"Right, so we've lost the badger, lost the elevator, and the rain now has less places to drain so this corridor is filling up faster," Mophus summed up succinclty, "so can I suggets we engage in an orgy of..."

such lewd and perverse bodily impossibilities that we forget all about our current predicament and die contentedly in a glow of pure physical bliss?" Everyone looked at him with distaste, Leyla punched him soundly in the face and they all turned to The Grey Lord who was pointing down the corridor back the way they had come.

Just as Moses had parted the Red Sea, verily so did the Grey Lord part the filthy rainwater so that his champions and their strange friends could all run without delay - Boo the Hamster jumping onto the Grey Lord's shoulder just because he was bored and hadn't been mentioned in a while

The Grey Lord actually looked like Charlton Heston too, though Boo.

The Grey Lord spoke again: "Listen up, the badger has blocked this corridor and blocked off the shortcut with my deus ex machina elevator exit, so we need to go back to the bottom of the well and get out of here -- my magic is exhausted and sadly I can't just teleport you out of here."

The champions nodded that this was fair enough, and turned to run - suddenly though, they heard a telltale 'pzzzrp' and call of 'suckers' from the Grey Lord as he teleported out of there.

The now lonely champions (24 of them) started to make their way back to the bottom of the well, with still no idea how to get out, nor what the enormous badger was about to do next.

As they trudged back past the detritus of the laundry fight, Iaido stopped and cocked an ear. "Hey you lot," he said urgently, "I can hear voices coming from far off -- I think it's the large vomitting man and unconvincing washer woman that we forgot about -- how on earth did they get in front of us!?"

"It would appear that they have regurgitated here", said Tiggy, "and its a highly dangerous form of transportation that student wizards use in an attempt to get them back home."

There was a suddun pop and click sound eminating all around them and tiggy started to scream "Oh NO! Disk Erro...." *poof!* and she vanished.

"Bad command or file name", intoned Phil, stepping over a pile of Tiggy-dust into the final passageway to the bottom of the well.

"No, get off!" said a familiar voice off in the start of the well, "stop climbing up the ladder" - it was the Grey Lord (the real one this time, nto the evil fake) and he was tryign to stop the two odd figures from climbing up the rope he was putting down for his champions

All the remaining champions (including stoaty Gothmog in Zed's pocket) made haste towards the Grey Lord as kind old Sonja (who had done virtually nothing all evening) stopped and brushed Tiggy's dust into a small pouch and popped it in her pocket.

"Look, two huge potatoes!" yelled Stamm - who had finally succeeding in prying open the top covering Syra's chest - and threw the spuds from the wooden box over to the other side of the pit and the two men jumped down and scrambled to get those precious relics, leaving the champions free to scramble up to the top of the well uasing the rope and finally escape, where they could see that the fake grey lord (who was sitting bound and gagged on the muddy ground above) had been unmasked and was none other than...

..the imfamous meditating guru of which It is said none can survive and likley the reason for the previous destruction of poor Tiggy.

"Do not fear!" said a figure who walked over, the great god Atari, "we have a history, I can save Tiggy and banish the evil guru!" and ask he said he it he waved his boring monocromatic hand and Tiggy was restored to her former glory, and the meditaing guru turned into yoda, (who still shook his head even though our grammar was miuch better this time round) - however he failed to noticed the soaked demented badger that leapt from the well and ate him whole.

and they all lived happily ever af... -NO CARRIER-

Redial? y/n

Lol, ok, usually I'd leave this to Gambit, but let's end the story!

"Y" said the Grey Lord, waving his hand.

The swollen and very engorged badger became a small manageable badger that leapt into Nabi's wating and tear-soaked eyes.

Stoat sized Gothmog managed to jump out of Zed's pocket before he became full sized again. He then saw two wet yet now intact again figures - his ferret and duck, both blissfully married now. Little orange tears of joy ran down Gothmog's cheek.

A freak gust of wind snapped open Syra's top, flashing her chest briefly and making Stamm very happy, and then another freak gust of wind blew Syra's wooden chest off of her back and it smashed into Stamm's leecherous face, making Syra very happy.

Heroic Boo sat smuggly on the shoulders of the real Grey Lord, for it was he that realised somethign was up with the evil version, and had run off to get the real one. He wouldforever be the Grey Lords heroic pet now (and never felched again)!

Leif may be relieved to know that Boo had found the Grey Lord back at the bar paying off the bar bill, and his own money re-materialised in his pocket.

Iaido's sword suddenly straitened out again (and not just because he saw Syra flash her chest too), and he had a warmglow that he got mentioned again in the story's end.

All the barbarians suddenly grew back their chest hair richer than before, while Halk himself felt some stirrings around his groin region - not only was his jock strap (nicely washed) back on, but he'd got a set of balls so he'd never cry again, and his Sword of Porc back. His sword swinging on his hip, and his reassuring medicine balls transfered from his pouch into his hand so he could roll them around, and Halk was very happy.

Wuuf discovered that the watery adventure had lead to his BO washing away. He was very happy, he might even pull this year no, but was also looking forward to the prospect of developing and even worse bika BO in the new year. The old one had, after all, been gettign a little old and stale

Gando was happy to disover the DDR machine had floated back o the surface, and he had fun along with Tiggy playing it, trying to win them some wedding rings so they could get married.

Darouu and Phil were glad to be reuined, and all the gel washng off of Phil's body meant he could hide it no longer, he needed to form the Jackson five tribute. Darouu said he was join him, and there was a pop as three of the jackson guards appeared behind them, eager to join up.

Hissssa had a crate of vodka melon drinks around his greatful feet that he could wrap his tail around to carry. "You really like my moonstone?" asked Chani, impressed with what Hissssa could do with his tail. Hisssssa just grinned.

"Hheheheheheh, water!" said Alex, realising his true love after that adventure, and he became a much more socially acceptable sailor, joining Hawk on the high seas. He learned the noble art of diplomacy for later life too, as he kept having to explian Hawk was not a pirate to the authorities.

Something made Mophus relent, and Linflas got to join in Leyla and Mophus's reindeer games (don't ask, just nod smile and move on) and use the rope

The two strange men bobbed t the surface, their potatoes remarkably bouyant, though it would take them a while to scramble out sicne a duck and ferret had pushed them away from the sides.

The atari god and the amiga meditation guru burst back into life, now the best of friends and praising each others systems, and the wave of joy spread out throughout the land making all Amiga and Atari users the best opf friends too, for the atari had DM first, but you know the amiga version was better

The Dragon re-formed many levels below, and got married to Mongor, and they had many nice children. A pity that some evil champions went and hacked them all apart in CSB, but there you go, it can't all be happy endings!

All the champions suddenly realised they were dead sober though and dressed as either tarts or vicars (Gothmog didn't mid he was dressed as the former, and Wu-Tse didn't mind again she got chosen to be the later. Later on Gothmog and Wu-Tse would try to swap clothes, but instead upon seeing each other's lithe supple bodies would have end up making mad pationate games of twister and infact form a champion twister team that would take the world by storm at the next olympics. Ok and they might have sex and get married too at some point.)

"Do not worry my friends," said the Grey Lord, "for it is still Christmas, and I thought you may wish to come back with me to Aniliasiasisaisis thingie however you spell it, get warm round the fire and get smashed on egg nog and beer all over again in the safety of the mountann and we can have our meal tomorrow!" They all cheered. "That's it...if you are feeling well" said the grey lord laughing, then he had to start ducking (ie using Gothmog's duck as a shield) all the way to Aniansisaisnisiasi thingie as the champions chased him and threw rocks at him - led, he was finally glad to find, by Zed. Elija and Soja threw rocks together, Sonja with a look of love in her eye. Elija's puns weren't as bad as that, so maybe she'd give him another chance.

The End.

PS George did indeed find Gilbert Godfied in the end....and that's a whole other story!