Laws of dungeon delving...
Posted: Fri Jul 02, 2004 12:35 pm
Amazon: Party member out to prove she’s more of a man than any man, while dressing to prove she’s also more woman than any woman, and acting like she’s more of a woman than any man can handle.
Ballad: Form of entertainment describing the events experienced by victorious heroes.
Dirge: Form of entertainment describing the actual events experienced by heroes.(See also: Eulogy)
Blood: Inexpensive marking device used to inform other delvers where traps are located.
Copper Piece: Inexpensive marking device used to show late-coming delvers where treasures used to be located.
Bone: That part of a delver likely to last long enough for the authorities to determine exactly which dungeon you died in (Sometimes a critical question for determining disposition of worldly goods).
Campfire: Device used to attract monsters, above and below ground.
Chiurgery: the art of preventing people from bleeding to death by attaching leeches to suck them dry. See also: Quack, Suicide, Lingering Death and Amputation.
Danger Zone: Subtract X (the number of times you have exited from a dungeon) from Y (the number of times you have entered a dungeon). Any time Y-X does not equal zero, you are in a danger zone.
Dirty Harry Speech: A phrase, riddle or essay composed by adventurers during slack time to commemorate a victory, underscore an irony, humiliate a foe, or otherwise enhance the drama of a combat round. Also, a signal to villains to attack immediately because the guy doing the talking really, really expects you to wait politely until he finishes.
Dragon Hoard: Place for adventurers to store shiny personal effects while they work their way through the reincarnation cycle back to Hero again.
Dungeon Party: Means of leveraging your afternoon up from a mere suicide to a suicide pact.
Face Off: The reason players are hard to identify following an orc attack.
Familiar: Really cool, slightly useful and very dangerous aspect of being a mage, in that you bind a good deal of your soul and hit points to a small animal that couldn’t fight its way out of a Teletubby slumber party.
Fault: Mechanism for determining the member of the party that will be most useful when a human (or near human) sacrifice is required.
Fog: Weather elemental used to allow your fate to sneak up close and prevent preparation or escape.
Funny: Gamemaster word used as a synonym for ‘deadly.’ “You hear a funny noise.” “Something smells funny.” “Something about the temple just seems funny to the cleric.”
Hero: The adventurer most willing to be the first to enter a dungeon (lair, den, nest, warren, burrow, labyrinth, ruin, marsh or any other term for the location of a collection of monsters).
Wealth: Items of interest retrieved from the remains of the Hero.
Hibernation: Method some monsters use to minimize the chance of being detected by a party and also maximize their grumpiness when the party stumbles over them.
Magic Weapon: A device augmented by supernatural forces, designed to use adrenaline and confidence to cause suicide.
Magic Wand: A 'Magic Weapon' for character classes that don't use swords.
Holy Item: An object augmented by supernatural forces, usually involving the horrible death of a religious celebrity, used by a less famed follower of the same religion in thequaint hopes of preventing their own death. See also Magic Weapon.
Mapping: Process by which a Gamemaster uses poor language skills to highlight a player's poor graphing skills (and vice versa). Usually resolved when all attempts at mapping are suspended during high speed transits. (See also: Retreat)
Natural Weaponry: That part of a creature designed to poke holes in the adventurer’s body parts. All animals have weaponry. Some carry it in their mouth (fangs), some carry it atop their heads (antlers, horns), and most have something painful on their feet (claws, hooves, steel-toed shoes). Classification is left to the naturologists, just be aware anything with a pulse will try to kill you.
Negotiate: Means of delaying combat rounds for as long as it takes for the monster to figure out which of the party is the greatest threat.
Ninjas: Disposable bad-guy combat round minions deployed for humor relief. Unless there’s only one, then he’s death on roller blades.
Ocean: Place where pirates store armor and those who wear it during maritime combat.
Optimism: An annoying characteristic of first-time characters. Not usually a problem after their replacements are rolled up.
Oracle: Supernatural being with the amazing power to tell you exactly 76% of what you need to know to complete an adventure. No refunds.
Plowshare: Shiny new metal tool the villager leans against while denying any idea of where your arms and armor may have got to.
Rest: a state of non-exertion, without emotional pressure, blinding pain, closing pursuit or fear of betrayal from co-workers. See also: Death.
Retirement: Long term rest See also: Dead and Buried.
Retreat: Process by which delvers become aware of the fact that they no longer have access to the exit.
Sacrifice: Means of drawing the attention of the Gods. Usually not your own
Scouting Report: A specific genre of fiction produced by NPCs.
Starlight: Naturally occuring phenomena used to determine that something big has ripped a hole in your tent.
Tent: Packaging material for bear or tiger food.
Supplies: Any consumable, and a reason to enter small villages while traveling towards adventures.
Lynch Party: Reason to avoid small villages while traveling back from adventures.
Tasty Meat Snacks: Body parts removed from delvers by means of traps, attacks, fumbles or other accidents and left to distract dungeon dwellers during retreat.
Tentacle: Quick way to determine if a being or animal is from another dimesion and likely to munch your face off.
Torch: Device used to explore dark spaces, ensure footing and search for clues, treasure and traps.
Torchlight: Radiation from a torch used to lure monsters to the party.
Darkness: Lack of radiation used to indicate the loss of a torch and (usually) the nearness of the monsters.
Trail Blazing: Method of ensuring that all the villains in the forest or maze will be able to find you.
Treasure Map: Device used by The Dark Lords to keep their dungeon dwelling monsters excercised and well-fed.
Treasure: Ethereal concept used to entice otherwise rational citizens into investing time and money in committing suicide.
Vulture: Naturally occurring phenomena used to find party members separated from the group.
Impatient Vulture: Last thing seen by lost party members.
Shark Fins: Vulture substitutes used during maritime adventures.
Impatient Shark: Same as…
War Cry: Mechanism to make sure total surprise is never achieve in war, attack, ambush or assassination.
Ballad: Form of entertainment describing the events experienced by victorious heroes.
Dirge: Form of entertainment describing the actual events experienced by heroes.(See also: Eulogy)
Blood: Inexpensive marking device used to inform other delvers where traps are located.
Copper Piece: Inexpensive marking device used to show late-coming delvers where treasures used to be located.
Bone: That part of a delver likely to last long enough for the authorities to determine exactly which dungeon you died in (Sometimes a critical question for determining disposition of worldly goods).
Campfire: Device used to attract monsters, above and below ground.
Chiurgery: the art of preventing people from bleeding to death by attaching leeches to suck them dry. See also: Quack, Suicide, Lingering Death and Amputation.
Danger Zone: Subtract X (the number of times you have exited from a dungeon) from Y (the number of times you have entered a dungeon). Any time Y-X does not equal zero, you are in a danger zone.
Dirty Harry Speech: A phrase, riddle or essay composed by adventurers during slack time to commemorate a victory, underscore an irony, humiliate a foe, or otherwise enhance the drama of a combat round. Also, a signal to villains to attack immediately because the guy doing the talking really, really expects you to wait politely until he finishes.
Dragon Hoard: Place for adventurers to store shiny personal effects while they work their way through the reincarnation cycle back to Hero again.
Dungeon Party: Means of leveraging your afternoon up from a mere suicide to a suicide pact.
Face Off: The reason players are hard to identify following an orc attack.
Familiar: Really cool, slightly useful and very dangerous aspect of being a mage, in that you bind a good deal of your soul and hit points to a small animal that couldn’t fight its way out of a Teletubby slumber party.
Fault: Mechanism for determining the member of the party that will be most useful when a human (or near human) sacrifice is required.
Fog: Weather elemental used to allow your fate to sneak up close and prevent preparation or escape.
Funny: Gamemaster word used as a synonym for ‘deadly.’ “You hear a funny noise.” “Something smells funny.” “Something about the temple just seems funny to the cleric.”
Hero: The adventurer most willing to be the first to enter a dungeon (lair, den, nest, warren, burrow, labyrinth, ruin, marsh or any other term for the location of a collection of monsters).
Wealth: Items of interest retrieved from the remains of the Hero.
Hibernation: Method some monsters use to minimize the chance of being detected by a party and also maximize their grumpiness when the party stumbles over them.
Magic Weapon: A device augmented by supernatural forces, designed to use adrenaline and confidence to cause suicide.
Magic Wand: A 'Magic Weapon' for character classes that don't use swords.
Holy Item: An object augmented by supernatural forces, usually involving the horrible death of a religious celebrity, used by a less famed follower of the same religion in thequaint hopes of preventing their own death. See also Magic Weapon.
Mapping: Process by which a Gamemaster uses poor language skills to highlight a player's poor graphing skills (and vice versa). Usually resolved when all attempts at mapping are suspended during high speed transits. (See also: Retreat)
Natural Weaponry: That part of a creature designed to poke holes in the adventurer’s body parts. All animals have weaponry. Some carry it in their mouth (fangs), some carry it atop their heads (antlers, horns), and most have something painful on their feet (claws, hooves, steel-toed shoes). Classification is left to the naturologists, just be aware anything with a pulse will try to kill you.
Negotiate: Means of delaying combat rounds for as long as it takes for the monster to figure out which of the party is the greatest threat.
Ninjas: Disposable bad-guy combat round minions deployed for humor relief. Unless there’s only one, then he’s death on roller blades.
Ocean: Place where pirates store armor and those who wear it during maritime combat.
Optimism: An annoying characteristic of first-time characters. Not usually a problem after their replacements are rolled up.
Oracle: Supernatural being with the amazing power to tell you exactly 76% of what you need to know to complete an adventure. No refunds.
Plowshare: Shiny new metal tool the villager leans against while denying any idea of where your arms and armor may have got to.
Rest: a state of non-exertion, without emotional pressure, blinding pain, closing pursuit or fear of betrayal from co-workers. See also: Death.
Retirement: Long term rest See also: Dead and Buried.
Retreat: Process by which delvers become aware of the fact that they no longer have access to the exit.
Sacrifice: Means of drawing the attention of the Gods. Usually not your own
Scouting Report: A specific genre of fiction produced by NPCs.
Starlight: Naturally occuring phenomena used to determine that something big has ripped a hole in your tent.
Tent: Packaging material for bear or tiger food.
Supplies: Any consumable, and a reason to enter small villages while traveling towards adventures.
Lynch Party: Reason to avoid small villages while traveling back from adventures.
Tasty Meat Snacks: Body parts removed from delvers by means of traps, attacks, fumbles or other accidents and left to distract dungeon dwellers during retreat.
Tentacle: Quick way to determine if a being or animal is from another dimesion and likely to munch your face off.
Torch: Device used to explore dark spaces, ensure footing and search for clues, treasure and traps.
Torchlight: Radiation from a torch used to lure monsters to the party.
Darkness: Lack of radiation used to indicate the loss of a torch and (usually) the nearness of the monsters.
Trail Blazing: Method of ensuring that all the villains in the forest or maze will be able to find you.
Treasure Map: Device used by The Dark Lords to keep their dungeon dwelling monsters excercised and well-fed.
Treasure: Ethereal concept used to entice otherwise rational citizens into investing time and money in committing suicide.
Vulture: Naturally occurring phenomena used to find party members separated from the group.
Impatient Vulture: Last thing seen by lost party members.
Shark Fins: Vulture substitutes used during maritime adventures.
Impatient Shark: Same as…
War Cry: Mechanism to make sure total surprise is never achieve in war, attack, ambush or assassination.
i especially liked that part on the "magical weapon" and "funny" <-- this one beeing the truest of the lot 
