Just remembered a long joke that was funny at the time just because of the length of time it needed to get to the pay-off, really. Oh, a whippet is
this
Man walks into a pub with his pet Alsatian. Seems uncharacteristically unfriendly, for which the man is quite pleased.
"Yup," he says to the gathering crowd, "this poor thing has been mistreated all its life, its an ill-tempted vicious thing, it can take on anything."
"Actually," says a voice close to the bar, "I have a whippet that could probably beat it in a fight."
The crowd and the man look over at a short unassuming man at the bar. The first man walks over.
"I'm sorry, a whippet could take on my dog?"
"Yeah, I have a long nosed, long tailed, short legged whippet that probably could."
"A what?"
"A long nosed, long tailed, short legged whippet"
The man looks in disbelieve, and the shorter man shrugs. "He's outside if you want to see?"
The first man nods, the Alsatian is pulling at the leash, and the two walk outside. The crowd don't bother following, as they don't particularly want to see a whippet being torn apart.
After no time at all a much more subdued Alsatian owner walks back in, almost having to drag a now three-legged subdued Alsatian behind him. He avoids eye contact with the crowd, finds a seat, and drinks a subdued pint in silence. The whippet owner walks in with a neutral face, shrugs at the crowd, then sits back at the bar.
A while later another man with the most ferocious Rottweiller imaginable comes in. The crowd give him a wide berth, and he instead walks over to his friend at the table.
"Bloody hell, what happened to your Alsatian!"
"...whippet..." is the sad reply through a pint glass as the first man points towards the bar. They have a brief conversation and the Rottweiller owner storms over to the bar.
"I hear your...whippet...attacked my friend's dog!" says the man.
"Long nosed, long tailed, short legged whippet, yeah" says the shorter man turning around.
"Your what?"
"My long nosed, long tailed, short legged whippet" he replies.
"Right, it won't last two seconds against my Rex. Outside. Now."
The shorter man shrugs and gets off his stool. The crowd don't follow, this time because they are scared to.
Once again no time at all seems to pass before the Rottweiller owner comes back. This time he is only holding a leash and a dog leg. He goes quitely to the table with his friend and they share more subued pints. The short man is given due respect by the crowd as he comes back in and sits down.
Later, a huge burly man thumps into the bar. He sees his two friends over by the table, walks over to chat, and sees them sad. There insues another whispered conversation, with occasional exclaimations of "Whippet?!"
The burl man strides over to the bar and taps the short man on his shoulder hard.
"I hear you have a dog you think is hot stuff, pal" he says.
"My long nosed, long tailed, short legged whippet, yes" says the small man as he turns and shrugs.
"Your what?"
"My long nosed, long tailed, short legged whippet"
"Yeah, whatever. My dog is part Bull-mastive, part Rottweiller, and part Shetland pony. It can rip a man's head clean off, and it will make short work of your..."
"Long nosed, long tailed, short legged whippet" says the short man, shruging again.
"Right. Whatever. You wait right there, I'll be back!"
The crowd are getting interested again, but then get a shock shortly after when suddenly there is a thump at the door and this slavering maw is seen pressing up against the glass. It's like a scene from Jurassic Park, and everyone knows that only the huge bulk of the burly man must be stopping this thing from coming in and reeking havoc.
The short man finishes the half pint, jumps from his stool and walks out the other half of the door. After a moment there are lots of snarls and yells. Then suddeny there is silence.
The burly man doesn't come back in. The dog doesn't reappear. The short man walks back through the subdued crowd and sits back at the bar. The pub goes back to normal.
Later that evening the barman gets the courage to come up and talk to the small man.
"Quite a dog you must have there," he says hesitantly, "what was it again?"
"Its a long nosed, long tailed, short legged whippet".
"A what?"
"A long nosed, long tailed, short legged whippet."
"Yeah, that, I never heard of that breed before."
"Hmm," says the short man thinking for a while, "well I've heard other people call them crocodiles."
