Neighbour smoking

[Jan]

I understand, Cows. It's a matter of personal experience. I've been extremely lucky so far in my life that I haven't been seriously cheated by anyone and have always lived with nice people around. I'm a lucky guy - perhaps more lucky than I deserve. Or I'm pretty naive and tend to forget negative things, lol. But I understand how a negative experience like this can... kind of... raise your attention and so on.

[ITCrowd]Doesn't he realise that lying can lead to very serious ramifications?[/ITCrowd]

[Gambit37]

See, this is why we need to be more accurate in how we write

Cows, the way you wrote you post actually implied something other than your intention:

well, h1n1 appears to be higher risk for pregnant women.. death as a result is not always the case, also in a scan of the internet news stories I found only one woman in 2011 to have died of h1n1 in the uk in suffolk and she died two weeks after giving birth to a son. Typically, when someone dies of h1n1 it ends up on the news. It's part of their desire to make sure people immunize.

The way I read it was as follows:

1) Starting with "Well" sounds like, "Well, you're wrong, and here's why..."
2) "I found only one woman in 2011 to have died of h1n1 in the uk" -- this simply states that you found only ONE woman to have died of it, which doesn't correlate to the hundreds we know about.
3) "she died two weeks after giving birth to a son" -- this information doesn't imply that pregnant women are more susceptible as you stated, as it's not the subject of your sentence, it's just supplementary information about that single case.
4) "Typically, when someone dies of h1n1 it ends up on the news" -- When there are hundreds, specific cases are glossed over. And in the context of what we'd been discussing, this statement bears a suggestion that my neighbour is lying because his sister's death did not make it to the news.

I am being pedantic, and I know this is not what you intended with your post, but I thought I'd point out that this is how I read it, to make it clear that what you wrote could be interpreted in different ways. Can you see now why I would be offended that you were suggesting my neighbour is deceitful?

I also find it quite distasteful that both you and Linflas would instantly make a suggestion about his possible deceit, given the tragedy of his sister's death and given that I provided almost ZERO information about his character or personality. Your explanation about being wary of people due to scammers makes sense but I think it's quite sad that your default position appears to be "Don't trust anyone."

[oh_brother]

Especially if you had "quite a long chat" about it, it would take a very unusual and (I hope) very rare character type to have that conversation if it was not true. Also if you think about it, it would be a big risk to make it up when you are neighbours - what if he was in the corridor with his girlfriend/mum/sister or whatever and you asked him how he was coping?

Anyway very sad to hear, just shows we never really know what other people are going through. I hope he is successful quitting and that your knees are on the mend!

[cowsmanaut]

that post I made, was rushed, So not complete. However, again I point out that I specified a search for pregnant women in UK. The INTENT was to see if there was a listing of the event to try and confirm it if possible. Had I come up with confirmation I'm sure I'd be viewed in a different light as that is what you want to see. However lack of success suggests that it is indeed possible he's not being honest and based on your own statements I get the distinct impressions YOU do not know him either. I do however know YOU and as does Linflas, and our interest is in not seeing you scammed out of your health.

I'm sorry that the idea upsets you, but it is possible. A H1N1 death of a pregnant woman is as Linflas pointed out, a bit much.. and as such, news worthy. Those bloody vultures would jump on it first chance they could. There is also backing of the government to get people immunized, so any reminder to do so is welcomed. There IS a high chance that something like that SHOULD end up in the news. However.. it doesn't mean that it will always be. There is a chance that they managed to keep it hushed.. as it should be. Not everyone wants to share their grief. So yes, it's possible... and yes my post leaned towards saying that he MIGHT be fibbing. I did not say that he is with 100% certainty though..

and again.. to the real point here. Regardless if he's telling the truth or not.. YOU need to look out for your health.. because no one else will.

anyway.. I have to run.. again..

[Gambit37]

I'm afraid you're wrong: You didn't read my post clearly:

Gosh I feel bad. I just spoke to my neighbour about the problem. It turns out the reason he started smoking was because his sister died of swine flu in January, about a month after giving birth to a baby daughter.

His sister died a month AFTER giving birth, so she wasn't pregnant at the time of her death. Your whole first para therefore doesn't make sense, because the Google result for the Suffolk woman is exactly the same scenario as my neighbour's sister. Lack of success in your search is because you were searching for the wrong thing!

It drives me nuts when people make statements about something without clearly having read what it is they are responding to. I'd really appreciate it if you'd not dash posts off in a rushed frame of mind when it's about a sensitive and emotional subject -- that doesn't help anyone, confusion arises, and then people get upset.

As for whether my neighbour is deceitful or not: Certainly I do not know him well, and I did not know his sister, but he is not the sort of person to make up a story like that. We spoke at length, he told me that she'd given birth on Christmas Eve, how close they had been, how he has been very depressed, and I could clearly see in his manner and body language that he was telling the truth.

What annoys me intensely is that you both made an assumption he's lying based on virtually no information. How do you conclude this? Firstly, why would someone lie about something like that? It doesn't make sense. And secondly, why lie about it to simply fob me off with an excuse about why he's smoking? A mentalist might do that, but he's not crazy.

All I said was he smoked and it was becoming a problem. Then I mention the long chat we had and his sister's death and somehow you've both assumed he's an asshole. I just don't understand how you can possibly come to that conclusion???

[linflas]

because we're assholes too...

sorry for that Matt, and you're absolutely right, i shouldn't have responded the way I did.

[Jan]

because we're assholes too...

Nah. You're certainly not.

Don't worry about it, guys! It's just the internet and this kind of communication, it's all so fast and there's so much things we'd like to read and write and we don't have the time and it sometims leads to misunderstandings. Forget it.

[Gambit37]

@LInflas: You're not an asshole. But I'm genuinely intrigued how you came to that conclusion about my neighbour? If it was just a flippant comment that you made quickly and I'm reading too much into it, then no problem, I understand that.

[cowsmanaut]

again I repeat.. I have not said HE WAS LYING.. only said that it is possible. You accuse me of not reading, yet i make something abundantly clear and you ignore it.

There is a difference between advising caution and condemning some poor guy as a lying sack of ... well whatever.. so the assumption has been yours. Not mine. When someone points out that something seems a bit off. I do what i always try to do.. investigate. Regardless if I feel they are wrong or not.

As for the suffolk woman, she wasn't killed giving birth she died 2 weeks later.. 2 weeks less than your neighbours sister. I fail to see the distinction. does two weeks make it any less noteworthy? My search was not designed to specify anything more or less than what you had posted... and thank you very much but I DID read you post fully. Despite the fact that I've been horribly ill myself this past week. I did pay due attention to the posts and situation.

What frustrates me is that you seem to be satisfied with inhaling second hand smoke for the long forseeable future because someone else had a rough time. IT"S YOUR BLOODY HEALTH.. yes if his story is true it sucks.. and yes if it were me I'd feel like absolute crap and probably even a little self destructive. However I still don't see where my grief should have to cause others to suffer. When I had trouble handling life, I backed off to my own little cave so as to not bother others. That is MY nature. So it's not as if i expect something of someone else, that i would not hold to myself. The fact that you're focusing on his crisis and our questioning of it. . rather than addressing the suggestions of how to still resolve the original situation in a TACTFUL way, is also very frustrating.

Whatever, perhaps you don't care to resolve it anymore. I make no appologies for my advice.. nor my research. My intentions were not evil..

[Gambit37]

I realise you have my best intentions at heart. I'm sorry for what must have seemed like an attack.

I'm certainly *not* satisfied inhaling second hand smoke. That's why I went to talk to him. I've said later in the thread that he's trying to give up and that it's actually been smoke free for the last few days -- this is why I didn't carry on *that* discussion because for now it's resolved and I'm monitoring the situation. I can't do any of the suggestions about fans, or air tight windows, etc. because the windows here are loose and as I'm in rented accomodation I don't get any options for changing the place.

And I'm sorry you've been unwell recently. I'm currently at home recovering from knee surgery which has been really painful so maybe all this alone time has made me a bit stir crazy too.

I hate trying to discuss things like this on forums. It's really hard to discuss sensibly when two people are as stubborn as us ( ) trying to make themselves heard in a one way medium. If we were talking about this face to face, it would never have got to this. I'm sorry dude, let's not do this again. It wears us both out!

[cowsmanaut]

well, I'm glad his quitting has been maintained. A person who is in distress often finds it hugely difficult to give up the calming affect of the nicotine, without some other motivation. So good for him and good for you.

My sickness is over , spent 3 days with what I thought was food poisoning so my brain wasn't at optimal but I did my best. I think I can finally eat today.. However it appears it was some sort of flu.. Sandie has it now unfortunately. hope it lasts only 3 days there too. She has higher fortitude than I, so she has that going for her

[T0Mi]

I've had this thread in the back of my head for a long time, in particular this thought:

If only the "oh-noes-second-hand-smoke-we-are-all-gonna-die" nannies would live just a single day as a smoker.

When after not having a smoke for a few hours picking up a cigarette butt from the ground when noone is looking - becomes an option. Been there, done that. Being a smoker is just that sad. We're not cool cowboys or secret agents like we were once told in media and adverticing, we're nicotine addicts. An addiction that for most smokers is as severe as an addiction to heroin or any other hard drug, because nicotine -is- a hard drug.

However, there is a way out. Sometimes, just sometimes, life offers a cheat like that. A way out for all those who have picked up this stupid habit when they were young and can't get rid of it now.

It's called "vaping". Its been around for a couple of years already and it is becoming BIG. A more known term might be "electronic cigarette", which is very misleading, because vaping is not smoking and an electronic cigarette isn't really a cigarette.

If you're a smoker you might want to check out what's on the tube. There are many channels covering what beginners need to know to make the transition from smoking to vaping.

If you're a smoker - you really (really, really) should give it a try.

Have fun!

Vape on!

[johnnystorm]

Oh man, I visited Berlin a while back and somehow they still alolow smoking in bars and clubs. Horrendous. Hate smoke and hate smelling like an ash tray.

[Chaos-Shaman]

it is difficult to have a party nowadays, most people still smoke who attend parties, it splits the group up, one in the backyard, one in the garage. people who smoke are frowned upon as though they are smoking something illegal. just the way it goes. growing up with 14 in the family that all smoked was crazy. I remember the smoke layers. I hated the smoke back then and the family remembers I hounded them for it, it made no difference though. vaping is a lot more tolerable. the need to smoke is similar as the need to pick our nose, or bite our nails, it's about as filthy as a bad habit can get.

[Ameena]

I'm not sure I'd equate nail-biting or even nose-picking with smoking. Neither is particularly "filthy" (though I'd say seeing someone pick their nose is certainly kind of disgusting ), and unless you somehow choke to death on a bit of fingernail or something I'm not sure eitheris likely to be hazardous to your health in any way. Or anyone else's, for that matter. I bite my nails and I certainly wouldn't call it "filthy". Maybe if my hands were dirty, then I might take in something harmful, but otherwise...no, not really.

[terkio]

What about scratching balls ?

[Chaos-Shaman]

they are all habits, and biting your nails is a real bad habit, germ city. I guess what I was saying is that they are habits. we don't need to do any of them, they are disgusting to many. picture a mechanic biting their nails, or a cook picking their nose, not good.

I thought ball handling\scratching was a Michael Jackson thing only

and what about yo yo scratching?, or should I say camel toe

[Nymeriaa]

I've known a couple people who have tried "vaping" as a means to quit smoking. It seems to have worked for most of them, with some exceptions of course. I have one friend who FINALLY quit smoking after many years of knowing they wanted to quit, and they did it by using a vapour/electronic cigarette. Unfortunately, the habit of going out in the morning, after a meal, after a drink, before bed, after work, etc... never stopped, now they were just smoking something else instead. After about a year eventually they smoked a real cigarette again, and have been ever since.

This isn't the case for everyone of course, for some people it really does work! They usually still "smoke" at the some frequency, but at least they aren't inhaling something that can be very dangerous.. and like Chaos-Shaman said, kind of filthy :S (I personally can't stand the odour it leaves behind!) It is a solution, and a pretty good one at that, but I think focusing more on the habit of doing it might be more effective. I'm glad this option exists, but people should use it as a means to stop the habit all together, not just supplement it with something else.

As a final note, I know someone who has quit smoking for about 5 years and started smoking a vapour/electronic cigarette again. When I asked why, the only response I got was.. because why not?? I just hope this doesn't lead them into picking up real cigarettes again after they get used to the habit of smoking...

All in all, I think its a great idea, but its not perfect... yet

[Chaos-Shaman]

hmmm, now what would be interesting is if some smart chemist figured out a way to put something good in an e cig, something that is beneficial. there are good habits, then there are bad habits. replace the bad habits with the good ones. the problem with good things is that the medical profession would lose their importance if we made things too good. life feeds off of bad things, oddly enough if we make it a perfect world, we'd go out of business. I think if the neighbor smokes that the best way to solve the problem is politely ask at first, make faces when it fly's in your face, be understanding of their habit. they might just smoke on the other side of the house, or downwind from the house. if one is allergic to it, I suggest maybe moving might help. if the guy next store constantly cooked fish every day, I'D MOVE

[Rye Gon Gin]

After smoking for 17 years, I have quit and been smoke free for 7 months and I couldn't be happier. I totally understand why ity bothers non smokers! I was the only guy in my whole combatives class that smoked I would shower BEFORE going to class so it wouldn't offend anyone. I finally got tired of the battles with bronchitis, the inhalers andf the incessant phlegm wads. Aside from some muscular chest pain which my doctor said will subside over time, I breathe easy! My wife still smokes, though. Needless to say she smokes in the garage or outside!

[Chaos-Shaman]

greetings Rye Gon Gin...

17 years is a long time. did you quit cold turkey?

[terkio]

Congratulations, Rye Gon Gin, you made the right move.

[Rye Gon Gin]

I used the patch for the first couple months to deal with the cravings. Then I stopped using it at the end of Step 2. Since then, I've just made the conscious decision not to smoke. I wish my wife would quit, though!

[Paul Stevens]

If you can quit while your wife continues to smoke, you have my
total respect. I did not know such a thing was possible. I can tell
you from experience that the first fifteen years are the hardest.
After that you are pretty much home free. It is worth the effort.

[Chaos-Shaman]

my spouse smoked when I quit, it took a year later for them to quit, it was tough to do but worth it. way to go Rye Gon Gin!

[cowsmanaut]

I quit using jelly beans.. it was pretty instant. Went directly to the store and got a big bag of bulk jelly beans and threw out the rest of my pack.. it took about a month for me to be able to drop the beans my (now ex) girlfriend at the time quit shortly after me making it so much easier. Having some support helps, though the biggest motivator is being sure it's the best choice. I had woken up that morning with a bad cough, and having seen a previous roommate wake up every morning with the same cough and then smoke to calm his throat.. well, I just didn't want that to be me..

Where as my step dad quit at least 3 times and my mother tried to quit with him once, but began smoking on the sly, and then blatantly.. and he just went back to smoking anyway, given that he was breathing in smoke anyway. Super hard to fight.

However, I can also say, that after being clean for years, your body can often have a VERY negative to response from the abuse it remembers. I have asthma like response to smoke now.. a thing that to me was a sweet tempting aroma when I was still a smoker..

[Chaos-Shaman]

cows, you and I quit in much the same way and you're lucky you did not get hooked on jelly beans I smoked for a few years, did it because of the phenomenon, monkey see monkey do, to take a break with others, more social than anything. I never really liked it, so it was easy to quit. I made up my mind for a bunch of reasons, my children were more important than anything. health and money were also good reasons. I never liked the smell of tobacco when burning, the package sometimes smelled nice when opening. best way to quit is probably find the reasons why it'd be a better life. smokers like to socialize and party, that's the only drawback for me, most of my friends smoke still. I must say being at a bar is much more pleasant without the smoke, eating out is much more pleasant.