Story thread?

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 9:10 pm

on you go then! somina could be her adventurer name

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 9:11 pm

Green eyes and a slightly different tongue ... is she married?

zoom · Post by **zoom** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 9:13 pm

who knows? don't you use the word tounge for accent or language? Then maybe she has a piercing!!

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 9:15 pm

yes, i was just making crude jokes!

zoom · Post by **zoom** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 9:22 pm

Good she got her name changed for that matter

Post by **Gambit37** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 9:37 pm

Consensus please: what's the new name for Ameena's character?

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 9:41 pm

Umm, it's Somena - I went ahead and changed it ages ago since you agreed and no-one objected! Well, this morning anyway...

Post by **Gambit37** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 9:50 pm

Oh, OK, I didn't check yet -- still thinking about how to move the story forward but would like to see others' ideas first...

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 10:10 pm

NO! Go for it,. feel it, jsut do it, let others see you idea, you've got to lose yourself in the music, the moment you own it, you better never let it go, you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow, this opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

*cough*

I mean... nm. Come on peoploe, what's your ideas! zooom has somena being mormina the desert princess! Anyone else?

*cough*

Again, lop off the end if it's pushing too much in a direction. Personally I think

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 12:08 am

Hmm, I think MonFul's post reads better if you assume a 'Scene 3, some time later' and that the reader is being taunted as now all the glade group know something we as readers don't.

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 12:12 am

Ooh, nice post zoom, I like it...

Post by **Gambit37** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 12:17 am

Hmmm. I don't. Too much, too soon, too literal. I would prefer more mystery at this point...

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 12:21 am

Then again we don't know who Duresim is. You can assume it's the guide I guess, but then what if lots of them have bows... or he's an archer without a weapon just now.

zoom · Post by **zoom** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 2:28 pm

we can easily change the bit to sth. else. Any suggestions?
. Maybe he should not be an archer?
Maybe he should not be sure that he is infected? He has a wound that makes him shiver and doesn't know if it is from a werewolf..
I don't know...I can only guess at what Gambit points at, but it makes sense to leave more freedom and not push it into a direction too much..

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 2:42 pm

Bugger that, let's not pre-emptively change things every two seconds from a comment. What is typed stays typed unless a proper discussion happens or the original author wants to change it - and even then they should warn people.

Really, until someone is attacked by a wereworlf are there really werewolves? Until the guy turns into a werewolf, is he just being affected by the glade? Is this the first psychological effect gambit said might be interesting to happen?

Etc etc....

I agree we don't want to tie things down too much at the start, but then again nothing is tied down really. And if we don't have some firm thigns for characters soon then really the story is in danger of being a bit meh...a guy camne with another guy and that guy did this with a guy...

We need some flesh on some bones!

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 4:30 pm

One step too far zoom, you've just gone and done a second interlude, about a named (DM) character when most of the main people haven't been named, and dropping the reader right in the middle of somehting happening that is nothing to do with anythign previous...except maybe it's your mage charatcer from earlier, which isn't clear

Put it in later if you must, but for now it's just made everyuthing disjointed - gunna have to put my foot down I'm afraid, either a) focus on the glade people, b) go back to Yexx and co, c) follow Clonin and co, or d) explian your mage guy again (but please then make it tie in to and advance the plot)

Plus, I put a few convesions at the top of the page this morning - * * * for a scene shift is one of them so you know

Edit: Maybe I'm being too harsh, just my instant rection was that it is starting to get random...it could get tied back in I guess quite easily, if the people leaving come across him and have to decide whether to go back to the glade for help or leave him. But still, another mage in another tower in a forest? Or if it is the same mage, then it really is too disjointed to introduce more people that can't get paid off....

zoom · Post by **zoom** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 5:08 pm

It is the same mage.Iaido says Wizard to the mage. (I want to get rid of the tower, mage and stuff, and will. either he gets killed or worse)
instead, Iaido is near the glade now..

he should run to the glade with a bunch of wolves hunting him.. .. anyway.
You said we have too few people there (three?) So I thought it a good idea to have another participant.. Oh well...
Did you delete my post? It would be sad, bcs I do not have a backup!

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 5:10 pm

Maybe I was harsh, we can see what comes. You post is left alone

Post by **Zyx** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 6:04 pm

I'd like to see some continuity...
If each time one of us writes a paragraph it is a new scene, with new ideas for a new scenario, with new characters, only loosely linked to the previous paragraph, putting in ellipsis what happened between the two scenes, the text will loose coherence.
Zooom your ideas are good but each one could be the start of a new story.

I think we should try to build collectively the story by completing, enhancing what precedes, not with permanent changes of focus.
Of course new scenes must happen sometimes, but not on a basis of "one post - one scene".

Btw, why the change of tense? (from past to present). This is not imposible but it feels wrong to me. Then again, maybe it's my bad sensibility to the subtleties of english.

zoom · Post by **zoom** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 6:22 pm

I have to recheck the story for tense

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 6:40 pm

I didn't want to bash, but yes the tense is out

Ok, let's leave what is standing, but from now we currently have four diverging scenes...we need to tie those together. The people heading back to the city need to reference the glade meeting or know soemhtign the others don't. The glade people need to meet Iaido and find out about the mage (this is ok, I imagine Solmena is off with Yezz, so there is that tension)

Right, if zyx hasn't done it when I get back, I'll summarise this, then we can move on.

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 7:39 pm

Back at home, happy...

zooom, don't kill of the mage. Sure, it could happen in the stroy, but since you went and inserted him randomly in, and it was started to get accomodated, you can't just then randomly kill him. Someone else might do it, and we'd adapt, but if the authors who writes thigns is going to just yank stuff they added right back again then it's going to get messy and annoying for everyone else. At the moment the mage could be a tension for Somena. Plus, I think the mage can't get refered to again for a while since we have a few people to accomodate.

Anyway, ignore my instant reaction, my comment to gambit was valid which was we shouldn't just react instantly to each submit and demand changes - too easy to do, much more creaive and nicer to try and build coherence from it. But that said, I agree with zyx, the thread so far has taken alot of narrative hits from shifts in focus and time/space jumps. Time to flesh stuff out I think...

zoom · Post by **zoom** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 8:10 pm

Beo, when do you do your 7000th post?

-->OUTSTANDING!!
back on topic:
Edited tense, now it is past perfect

I won't kill off the mage, as beo said, he can be left alone for now...
So people, feel free to post!

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 8:21 pm

Post by **Gambit37** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 11:30 pm

Whoa. Just caught up with the story and it's annoyed me intensely now. I think Sophia was right....

I have read what Beo & Zyx said about your posts Zooom and I have to agree. It seems like you're writing random stuff simply because you can, rather than actually thinking about what's going on with the characters that have (barely) been introduced.

We need a lot more info about what's going on with the people in the glade and those who left. It was just starting to get interesting. Random offshoots, scene changes and interjections are fine here and there, but if they go too far away from what little has already been established, people are going to get bored very quickly.

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 11:37 pm

*now we'll never hear the end of it from sophia*

zoom · Post by **zoom** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:15 pm

I am surprised, and sad that my posts have damaged the story and its flow!

THe story could be a great thing, all that is needed are more postings of people who can do it right.

Fine. It is best for me, to refrain from postings until the characters are 'more established'.
(if I can be arsed)

Post by **Gambit37** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 7:57 pm

Sorry Zoooom, I didn't mean to sound harsh. It's great that you are making the effort to post stuff to the story. As you can see my contributions are small so far and one of those was a very bad joke...

I guess I'm doing what Sohpia complained about in the Christmas story: trying to guide it along a path that I would like to go personally. I guess I need to sit back and be more flexible and see what people come up with.

Having said that, I think that it would be best to try and stick to some of the basic rules of storytelling rather than simply jumping to other settings as the fancy takes us.

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 8:10 pm

Yeah, don't feel disheartened zooom. Your first post was fine, especially now we have some means of showing interludes and scene changes. Your third post would have been fine too (especially if during a more tense set of cenes where action was shifting anyway), but coming so soon after MonFUl did quite a disorienting time jump while being vague still about who was where, it just felt too much.

Keep posting, all you posts have shown imagination, which is what we need. Hopefully everyone can be self-disciplined!

Yup, I think there have been alot of reactionary comments - glad everyone has taken to the idea and the story (me included) but everyone needs to keep a distance. I don't know if people aren't posting as they are plotting out large sections in their head, but really what we need is constant small amounts of posting that furthers plot or charatcer. A small reaction, especially unexpected, can bring life to a charatcer and enough of a hook for someone to care. One line can push the plot.

Anyway, so everyone, post more, have fun, and hopefully in turn the story can get a little more coherent and driven!

I'm going to resist the urge to check every two second,s management review meeting tomorrow, and I'm the quality manager that's supposed to have reviewed it all! Time for some notes!

Post by **Sophia** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 8:22 pm

No, I'm not going to rub it in; I've done that already. I had already decided to post constructive criticism as opposed to just snickering and pointing.

The trouble, to me anyway, is, the scene change to a seemingly unrelated situation and such is a common storytelling device, but, as those stories are (typically anyway) planned out more coherently ahead of time, there is always a link found later on that makes the reader/viewer/whatever go "oh, so that's how it all fits together." There's no guarantee that any such coherence will be found here-- it might just fly all over the place.

That is not to say that there won't be coherence as someone does manage to link it all together, but the problem is, it is not certain, and it might not work as well as anyone would hoped-- and after going through all the trouble of "putting it together," someone else's random post may just wreck it all again! Or, it may clash with someone else's idea of what was supposed to happen, and contradictions ensue.

Gambit, the problem is, if everyone just "sits back," then the story is going to go-- well, either nowhere, or everywhere, which is basically the same thing in terms of narrative flow. But nobody likes their ideas trampled on, either! Such is the problem with this sort of story.