The Silly and Massive Dungeon Master Christmas Story 2006

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 11:54 pm

"It was a gift from a hamster," said Iaido, smacking Nabi before Nabi could be asked if he had meant 'badger', "and..."

Post by **Gambit37** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 11:54 pm

"...you're mistaken - it's not a vorpal blade, it's my Light Sabre, man!"

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 11:57 pm

"Well in that case," said Stamm, "could you use your Jedi powers to ...

Post by **Gambit37** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 12:01 am

smoke me a kipper as I'll be back for breakfast?" He patted his stomach as he spoke, licked his lips and farted a long honk of a foetid fart.

Sabreman · Post by **Sabreman** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 12:04 am

"Vi Bro" croaked Gothmog desperately, but it was too late and he didn't have an empty flask in hand anyway.

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 12:15 am

Hisssa tried to ignore mentions of breakfast and gastric explosions as it reminded him he still needed to pee, and focused instead on the more important task of tempting Gothmog's pet duck down by shaking his own scrumptious tail.

Post by **Gambit37** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 12:16 am

Belying his earlier mania, Zed suddenly appeared coherent and forcefully shouted at the top of his voice "Everybody STOP what you're doing and LISTEN to ME!"

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 12:19 am

Gothmog tripped up Zed from his prone position on the floor then thwacked him soundly on the head, saying "no one CARES about your bloody crack that could lead to us getting out of here, what we all SHOULD care about is me getting my BLOODY TANKARD!"

Post by **Gambit37** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 12:21 am

"Right, that does it you flimsy tart" replied Zed as he picked up a fallen jockstrap and began to whirl it about his head.

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 12:37 am

Halk thought better of mentioning to Zed that it was his jockstrap, given that they'd only fallen around his ankles when he was relieving himself, and he was still actually wearing them and being whirled by an obviously angry and strong duke.

Post by **Gambit37** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 12:40 am

Eyes wide with alarm and distaste, Zed suddenly let go of the warm, moist jockstrap and watched in awe as a semi-naked barbarian went sailing through the crack in the wall.

Post by **cowsmanaut** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 6:45 am

A smell worse than skunk soaked in fermented badger piss issued from his newly soiled hand, which he tried in desperation to clean on Mophus' robe.

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 8:05 am

Mophus didn't notice, as with a maniacal grin he was thrilled to hear what Leyla planned to do with her rope

ian_scho · Post by **ian_scho** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 8:10 am

Zed's action would have made Mophus a meena priest to be with, and would have charged the guy more for his healing skills in the future.

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 8:21 am

"Right!" said Zed, "if people don't start pulling together and acting sensibly to get us out of this mess, I'm going to run my hand on them then use Tiggy's toy!"

ian_scho · Post by **ian_scho** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 8:31 am

A small whirring noise could then be heard in the background.

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 8:46 am

"Badgers!" said Nabi dreamily in the background, nudging Chani and winking in conspiratorial delight

ian_scho · Post by **ian_scho** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 8:52 am

Tiggy examined the crack in the well wall and said "I've hacked doors open, I've battered portcullises down but I've never tried vibrating a crack open before..."

Trantor · Post by **Trantor** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 10:52 am

"Nabi, that's no badgers!", yelled Zed, "it sounds more like cows, man! Out of here, quick!"

ian_scho · Post by **ian_scho** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:29 pm

Tiggy acted quickly and rapidly fisted her recently won prize into the orifice and turned it on with a "<ZOOOOM>".

Trantor · Post by **Trantor** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:37 pm

The vibrations of the cylindrical device seemed to stimulate the crack somehow, it became larger and oozed a strange, sticky fluid from its walls.

ian_scho · Post by **ian_scho** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:41 pm

Elsewhere unnoticed, the ultrasonic vibrations created by the device passed through the crumbling walls and stirred a sleeping monster...

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 2:18 pm

"Wow," said Tiggy, "I never knew my dancing potato man prize had this sort of power - and hey, we've just struck oil!"

Trantor · Post by **Trantor** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 2:27 pm

"We'll be filthy stinking rich!", Halk screamed excitedly from inside the wall, to which Zed, remembering the jockstrap, only replied "Filthy, yes, stinking, definitely, but rich?"

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 2:31 pm

Meanwhile Gothmog was getting annoyed, "Look, forget the oil, we need to get out and I've seen you lot try a dozen, two dozen, no three dozen bloody useless schemes- let's try my fantastic gambit 37"

Trantor · Post by **Trantor** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 2:34 pm

"Oh yes, gambit 37!", smirked Leyla, gripping her rope, "I have bee waiting a long time for this..."

ian_scho · Post by **ian_scho** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 3:53 pm

"....And the 37?" asked Chani, knowing that answer would arrive as some twised and contrived notion.

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 4:29 pm

"Look, it's bloody brilliant," said Gothmog, waggling at Chani, "see...we get this...ferret..."

ian_scho · Post by **ian_scho** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 4:43 pm

"And ... it ... will ... get ... no ... flippin ... points" intoned Chani, indicating the negative altitude of Gothmogs situation.

Post by **Gambit37** » Thu Dec 14, 2006 5:38 pm

Gothmog narrowed his already slim slitted eyes and pursed his lips, forcing his tongue on to the upper lip and blowing air across it in rapid fashion, illiciting a noise somewhat like the damp wet fart of a small and shivering vole.