The Silly and Massive Dungeon Master Christmas Story 2006

ian_scho · Post by **ian_scho** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 9:21 am

Boris however, started spitting towards the lever in an attempt to add lubricatation.

Post by **Gambit37** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 9:57 am

Chani, who had hitherto been rubbing ink splots off her face from the huge receipt in the bottom of the Gigantic Carrier, suddenly squeaked "Boris, stop, you'll catch a dose of Exploding Nasal Gate Rust!"

ian_scho · Post by **ian_scho** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 10:03 am

With Boris' lips through the portcullis, his stringy mucus had covered our poor hampster with sufficient mass to weigh down the switch, but now found his head stuck and was moving in an upward direction as the portcullis opened!

Post by **Gambit37** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 10:12 am

"Help!" he screamed as his feet were lifted off the ground and he started inching towards the fetchingly painted, yet ultimately fatal ceiling.

ian_scho · Post by **ian_scho** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 10:17 am

The mummy advanced, arms forward, as they do with over 3000 years of BO.

Post by **cowsmanaut** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 10:20 am

Noting the large tube of KY left by the giant, Gothmog deftly shifted it's angle and lept onto it coating boris in a thick layer of lubricant which caused him to gradually slide out of place, but would it be soon enough?

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 10:21 am

"Wuuf! We need wuuf!" cried Daroou as the smell triggered a memory, "his biker BO is 10 times worse!"

Post by **cowsmanaut** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 10:24 am

the Mummy slipped in the large puddle of KY and began cursing in egyptian just as boris slipped out and fell upon the dusty pile of rags and they began thrashign about together like some bizzare wrestling match...

ian_scho · Post by **ian_scho** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 10:33 am

'Fire', thought Nabi, 'as one would burn faster than the other'.

Post by **Gambit37** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 10:54 am

Daroou scampered off to get Wuuf while Nabi prepared Ful Ir but Boris could hear him chanting the firey spell and realised it was gonna be him or the mummy who would...

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 11:17 am

...be in a hot and sticky situation. 'Oh,' thought Gothmog meanwhile, embarrassed to himself , 'if thats' the runes for Fireball, then what the blazes did I jsut cast?'

ian_scho · Post by **ian_scho** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 11:30 am

Boris and mummy suffered the double whammy of fire and electricity in one big explosion, but Boris hadn't realised that being covered in KY Jelly has an insulating and fire-retardant effect.

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 11:52 am

"So that's why Mophus and Leyla buy so much of it!" said Boris, finally understanding.

ian_scho · Post by **ian_scho** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 12:03 pm

Before being hit on the head once more, this time by a wall as he was thrown across the room by an exploding mummy leaving a snails trail of KY in his wake.

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 12:21 pm

"You don't see that everyday either!" said Mophus to Leyla, ignoring the explosive debris and flying bodies and pointing to the still squirming hamster who was now being given aid in his predicament by an amourous ferret.

ian_scho · Post by **ian_scho** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 12:32 pm

Aid elsewhere came in the form of Mophus attending to an unconscious Boris who's first course of actions was to confirm if Boris was alive, by tickling his testicles - a common technique taught in his priests school.

Post by **Gambit37** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 12:35 pm

Boris stirred with the priestly genital ministrations and muttered groggily "Mother, is that you?"

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 1:12 pm

Elsewhere a duck was in trouble - the descending portcullus was thretening to squash poor Edward, who had got Gothmog's tankard and was braving feiry debris to try and return it to his master

ian_scho · Post by **ian_scho** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 1:14 pm

Duck, ferret and hamster, were all in danger of making a nice stew.

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 1:26 pm

Alex whistled innocently trying to push the duck back into the doorway with his foot - he liked stew almost as much as he enjoyed the pretty fire just now

ian_scho · Post by **ian_scho** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 1:31 pm

Cooked in a sauce of Boris' mucus, plus essence of KY and a hint of BO it would turn out real nice.

Post by **Ameena** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 2:59 pm

"Boo!" yelled Halk suddenly, leaping toward the hamster and, after scooping it up, proceeded to wipe the KY off it and remonstrate it for getting lost - "Silly Boo...why did you wander off like that...getting lost...stay here now..." and completely oblivious to the strange looks he was getting from the others.

ian_scho · Post by **ian_scho** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 4:18 pm

Boo had turned out to be a hero hamster, a champion rodent, a king amongst squeakers.

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 4:39 pm

Felicia knew she would never love as strongly again, and Edward felt the first stirrings of jealousy!

Post by **Gambit37** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 6:18 pm

It should of course be noted at this juncture that ducks are the most jealous of all creatures and will not think twice about beaking to death the duck of their affection if it's discovered having a ducky affair.

ian_scho · Post by **ian_scho** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 6:40 pm

"Quack!" went the duck (in the forums worst case of someone trying to up their post count).

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 7:26 pm

"I'm a bloody good doctor!" said Mophus, mortally offending, who proceeded to roast the duck and ferret alive with a fireball, to Alex's delight and Gothmog's heartbroken dispair, ending a classical love story but allowing something more interetsing to do with badgers some room in the story!

Post by **Gambit37** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 8:20 pm

"Thank bloody good lord for that," announced Stamm who breathlessly lunged for the tastily toasted twosome, his belly growling "I'm starving!"

Post by **cowsmanaut** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 8:40 pm

Just then Hawk grabbed hold of the narrator and began beating him with a large sporrin filled with coins, which incidentally was made with badger fur screaming "You want badgers you incoherrent louse? Hows that for badgers huh?!!" *SLAM SLAM SLAM*

beowuuf · Post by **beowuuf** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 8:42 pm

The narrator took the point and concentrated less on innocent animal roastage and more on how to guide the champions safely passed the next obstacle, more terrifying than the mummy and more fiendishly cunnign than the rusted shut door - the obstacle of the big giant ...