Gambit37 wrote:If a man quickly falls into the friend zone with a woman (because that's how she sees him and not as a potential lover), he cannot in any shape or form later convince her to find him attractive. The "friend zone" will prevent him ever becoming anything else.
I disagree. As you get to know someone, you may discover previously unseen qualities that are particularly attractive, and your attitude thus changes. I introduced myself to a woman at college who'd been eying me for a while. I did it because I thought she was interested, and she was, but I waited too long to make a move, and she lost interest.
I think there is a "potential lover" zone that can either lead to "friend" or "lover," and if you fall back to "friend" then you have no real chance of going back to "potential lover." That's where we stand right now.
On the other hand, I have a
very close female friend — incidentally a sister of one of my best male friends — whom I had a crush on for some time ("had" being the operative word). She's actually the only woman I've ever met who I knew would make a great partner, but it never happened, and I never pushed it. I never even suggested it. At this point I wouldn't simply because I agree with your subsequent post: there's too much to risk.
I agree with Sophia: there is certainly an unspoken order to how women and men approach one another. I also agree with Trantor, as I'm the same way. I am shy, so I like to take things slow. A woman has to demonstrate some interest in me before I'll even consider making a move, and then I do so with caution (but not necessarily reluctance).
Gambit37 wrote:A tough nut to crack and I'm too old to play those games.
I have the great fortune to have met a lovely woman at a haunt I go to every week. I'd actually seen her there about a year and a half ago, but I'd never imagined for a moment that she might find me attractive. She's not interested in fooling around; she just wants someone who makes her feel good about herself, and that I try to do because she's quite splendid, and she deserves to be admired. She
is married but separated, and we've already drawn lines that won't be crossed. We seem to want the same thing, which precludes sex, and enjoying each other's company is the objective.
I think she chose me because I'm among the few younger patrons who hasn't tried to grope her. I started feeling like etiquette was overrated, because the assholes seem to have all the best women, but it takes only one appreciating comment to make it all worthwhile.
Gambit37 wrote:Although I have more female friends than men, that's the problem: they are friends.
That's not really a problem. It gives you a wonderful opportunity to develop insight, and female friends will gladly answer all kinds of fascinating questions you'd be terrified to ask a stranger. Arm yourself with their knowledge and stride into battle!
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