Wasn't sure which thread to stick this in, so this one'll do since pretty much anything goes here (and frequently does, I think 

). Anyway, this was posted today on the other forum I frequent. I thought they were very funny 

.
1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired. 
2. A will is a dead giveaway. 
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. 
4 A backward poet writes inverse. 
5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes. 
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. 
7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed 
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. 
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner. 
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. 
11. Although the guy fell onto an upholstery machine he’s fully recovered.. 
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France; resulted in Linoleum Blownapart. 
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. 
14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under. 
15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key. 
16. A calendar's days are numbered. 
17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine. 
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat. 
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. 
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery. 
21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large. 
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. 
23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. 
24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine. 
25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. 
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. 
27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. 
28. Acupuncture: a jab well done. 
29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.