Freelancing vs. Full Time Employment

[Gambit37]

Hi everybody. I wonder if you can help me with your advice?

As most of you know, I have been freelancing as a web designer for the last year. It has been both enjoyable and very hard work.

However, I feel increasingly demotivated about working for myself (despite having a new portfolio and getting new, more interesting projects) and I've been trying to work out why.

So I put together a pros/cons list to help me understand better the factors involved. I thought this would help me make a decision whether or not to stay freelancing or return to full time employment (and maybe do a bit of freelancing on the side.)

Likes about Freelancing
* I am my own boss and answer to no-one except my clients
* I am in control of how I work and who I work for
* I work to my own high standards
* Having the ability to organise my day how I choose

Dislikes about Freelancing
* Lack of regular income is becoming increasingly worrying
* Being a sales person to promote myself to get new work is completely alien to me and very, very difficult
* Working from home is very lonely and isolating
* I'm not disciplined enough to work on lots of projects at the same time and feel overwhelmed
* Frustrated at having to be so many things/need so many skills to fulfil a project
* A lack of confidence in my abilities to see a whole project through from start to finish.
* No spare time for self

Likes about Full-time work
* Regular income -- not worrying about how to pay the bills.
* Team work: working with other people to design and develop great web solutions
* Being a cog in a team; seeing the results of my work as part of a whole
* Making new friends; working with respected colleagues; socialising; banter

Dislikes about Full-time work
* Possibility of working with idiots or people I don't get on with
* A boss who's an ass
* Unpaid overtime (though this is a hidden cost of freelancing too)
* Company politics; corporate culture (any new full time job would have to be for a small/medium agency)
* Commuting
* Lack of free time for self (same as with freelancing!)

One of my other problems is that I suffer from periodic depression. When I get low, this affects my ability to work. It's been a problem with full time employment but it's a bigger problem with freelancing; to the point where I might go 2-3 days and achieve nothing because I'm holed up in bed feeling sorry for myself. Yes, it's rubbish and not good enough. Though that's a separate issue that I need to see my doc about.

I need to be able to motivate myself better to do the work and to be honest I think that's what this all comes down to. I'm simply not motivated enough. I don't want it enough. What's "it"? I think "It" is the actual work I'm doing -- web design. Sure, I'm good at it, but I am feeling increasingly that I should be doing something else with my life.

As web design is really the only thing I know these days, it still remains that this is the way I am going to have to earn my money in the foreseeable future. I know that I can't just stop and go and do something completely different (I have no money behind me). So I am thinking that really what I need in my life isn't in fact the challenge of working for myself, it's the challenge of working out what I want to do with the rest of the time I have left.

I am in a new city. I've been here for a year. I don't have any friends here and rarely get to see my old friends these days. I want to rectify that.

I think it would be better for me to be in a full time job doing web design -- but to do it for the pay check and not try and seek some lofty personal satisfaction from it. Yes, you should enjoy the work you do, but it's becoming increasingly important for me to fix all the things in my life that are wrong outside of work, and I've not been able to do that while freelancing.

Maybe what I need to do is try and relax, chill out a bit and get a full time job that allows me to earn a regular wage -- and maybe do some freelancing on the side.

Part of me doesn't want to stop freelancing because it feels like failure, but failing is a part of life. It shouldn't be seen as negative. I think I might have to accept that I neither have the will, personality or motivation to to work for myself at this point in my life.

I'm kind of only thinking out loud. It's been useful for me to get this "out there". But if you do have any thoughts on this, I'd be glad to hear them -- however critical they may be!

Thanks

[linflas]

I just feel like reading my own life... well, except that I never intended to be a freelance because of all the bad reasons you mentioned. I think you are more courageous than me because you tried it.
I have two friends who have been freelance, i mean completely freelance. One was a web developer and the other was installing IP voice equipment. But when their life changed (a baby in both cases !), they stopped and took a full-time job.
What i can say and what they told me about their experience is simple : it was really hard but they don't regret it because they made enough money. Money is the point, nothing else ! Forget the rest.
If you think you can make enough money with a full-time job, go on with it.
My web dev friend decided to continue freelance job because his clients asked for some updates and also because he just loves programming.

I'll be 34 in 2 days, and you are a bit older if i remember well : i vote for full-time. Definitely. And if you have time and motivation, try to keep your old clients. A little extra money is still noticeable.

[Gambit37]

I don't think I agree that money is the only point -- you should enjoy your work too. But having said that, in the last few months of having no money, maybe now I agree with you!

I've had no money to do anything else except pay my bills, and this has made it very hard to do anything nice -- like going out and meeting new people.

I think the best thing for me would be to get either a part-time or full time job and do some of freelance work in my 'spare' time -- for example, take on small projects where the customer isn't in a hurry. I really would like to do more design work rather than actually building full websites; it would be nice to get some creative projects for a change!

Yes, I just turned 36. Nothing to show for it so far! (Well, not in terms of a stable life anyway. I have a good DVD collection though!)

[beowuuf]

I have been listening to lots of podcasts by webcomic writers recently. Basically, they have to be businessmen aswell as creators, and as they say that makes for lots of hard work, sacrifice, etc

I guess everyone needs to do a job. If you love web design when it is freed of the bollocks, then you need to treat the learning skills etc as your day job you get paid for, and separate and enjoy the crafting of good sites.

If you do not love this aspect, then vice versa love the business side and treat the webstuff as you day job, you are working two jobs you hate.

If this is the case, as it sounds ,then you need to take your time, and find a good full time job. Lots of your pro/cons for working involve where you work, and who with, not working full time.

Sounds like you need to stick at the freelance for a while longer to create enough opportunities to find a good company independantly (or even one of your contacts you work with.

Find a full time job that doens't rob you of your free time ,and leave you free to find the thing that will give you passion and satisfaction in your free time.

You are a creative person - there is no doubt. another thigns abotu the webcomic podcasts that came up was the fact that every single creative person is 'broken' in some way, it seems to be the curse of the artist that the thing that makes them think cretaively also gives them anxieties (if you can imagine the world many ways and analyse it, you can also imagien all the bad thigns that can happen and turn that analytical eye inwards too easily)

My advice - find full time work, and look to some creative artistic endevour to provide you some fun and purpose. It would be a new potential social group whatever it was, and more importantly if even one person was made happier seeing your creation, then how can you call it a wasted effort?

[Gambit37]

"Freed of the bollocks." I'm glad that was in reference to work and not my anatomy!

You hit the nail on the head. I do need to learn a ton of new stuff to remain competitive as a freelancer, both technologically and new business skills. I'm not a business man, I'm not motivated by money. I just want to earn a reasonable salary doing something I enjoy.

I'll be honest: while I'm not afraid of hard work, I find running a business very, very difficult indeed. It's also very hard to keep on top of all the new tech when you're not being paid for it, and I don't love that side of it anywhere near enough to plough through it on my own, in my own time, for the "sake of the business".

The stuff I'm really good at -- design and front end coding (HTML/CSS) -- is the stuff I enjoy. Actually building sites and getting my hands dirty with PHP/Javascript or some new fangled CMS just does my head in. It's hard because I'm not a programmer and as a result it's not enjoyable. Some people would say I should take on the challenge and that I *need* to do that stuff for my business, even if I don't enjoy it.

There is a certain amount of the techy stuff about building sites that I can handle and enjoy. But when it gets too "programmery" or I have to spend an hour researching something that should only take a programer 5 mins, I have to wonder if I'm really using my time wisely. I don't enjoy that. Give the right tasks to the right people.

So.... again, thinking out loud. This is pointing in a certain direction...

[beowuuf]

Yeah, unless you could either farm out the sales or backend creation to someone, it sounds liek you have too much work and not enough fun there

As said, at least you tried and then you recognised it might not be for you. If you find a more powerful passion in the future, you won't have the same fear to go it alone, you will know the 'job' side of self-employment.

Anyway, time for sleep...life changing decisions tomorrow instead

[Paul Stevens]

Consider a half-time job that you do not
necessarily enjoy. One that does not pay
too well, perhaps but which is totally
undemanding. No pressure. No overtime.
No deadlines. You don't need a lot of
money to keep your head above water.
A little stable income to get through life.
DO NOT make your job the center of your
life unless you are very lucky to find that
one job that reflects your exact needs,
beliefs, and desires. Not very likely to
happen. Drive a delivery truck. Be a
night guard at the museum. Make
sandwiches. Then come home and have
time for what you WANT to do. Or
don't want to do. However you feel that
day.

I repeat--- "Consider". Won't hurt to think
about it. A job can be a source of income,
not the important part of life. It should
not be a source of grief and angst and you
should be able to leave it behind after the
work day has ended. And such a job is
easy to quit if the PERFECT job should
happen to stop by.

[ian_scho]

Two thoughts.

Do you know someone that could handle the buisiness side of your job for you? I know that would throw you back into a "awkward boss/colleauge" type relationship but it may relieve you of a burden that to me seems quite daunting.

The other thing, lack of human contact... It's important. It's a pity that you don't have a laptop and call the client and say "Can I come to work in your office a couple of days to get a feel of what you are about?" You'll do more socialising that way and repeat orders are more likely

[Gambit37]

Hi Ian. A new laptop is my next purchase for exactly the reasons you mentioned, but also so that I can go and work in a cafe, or outside or wherever... but cashflow isn't too great at the moment, I'm just keeping my head above water.

Some people said to me I should have got a business loan from the bank when I setup last year, and bought everything I needed then. Certainly sensible. However, I still have a personal loan that I'm paying off and I didn't want to be further in debt at the start of my new venture. I made the decision to make do with what I have (a 5 year old PC!) and only buy new when funds allowed.

Regarding a second person: it would have to be someone I totally trust and respect and there just isn't anyone like that in my life right now. Plus I would have to pay them....

If I were truly going to make this work and wanted it badly, I would be prepared to learn and do everything required to make it work. And I realised, I'm not.

The possibilities of returning to part or full-time work filled me with dread 6 months ago, but I'm thinking it will be the best thing for me. I'm just not "full-time freelancer" material.

@Paul Stevens: Thank you for your wise words. I am certainly considering those options now much more seriously than before. I honestly thought that I never wanted to go back and work for someone else, but now I've seen the downsides of working for myself, it seems like a good idea -- full or part time.

[T0Mi]

oh well, let's see if I can give some advice using my simple words.
I'm freelancing since 2,5 years now and I wouldn't ever want to change that.
But I've been lucky, just lucky being at the right place at the right time with the right people.
For what I understand your dices rolled pretty bad. Heh, Luck is a invisible stat.

Give the right tasks to the right people.

Have you ever tried a network like "XING"? (www.xing.com)
I have no experience with it myself, but for a friend of mine who was in situation similar to yours, it opened the gate to a new ways of working with/for others.
It may as well help you. Give it a try! You won't regret it.

rarely get to see my old friends these days.

It is very sad you had to leave your old friends behind. This is something money can't buy: the relationship you can have with persons you know well since you were childs, almost can't be equaled with anything you built up with 'new' persons. Do you have any chance to stay in contact with them? Someone to talk to. You definitly need this just as every human does. Grab for the phone.

Another, maybe unusual (I'll surely receive a beating now...) seeming way to overcome your bad mood/depressions:
there are legal natural medications that may improve your mood or willingness, often called "mood-stabilizers".
Talk to your doctor about it. Don't hesitate to use them. It's doesn't make sense to live unhappy for years if there is a legal and approved way to at least lift you up a bit when you need it.
If you are drowning, you need air. You can then swim back to the surface and breath on your own.

ok, so these were my messed up thoughts.
Maybe it helps.

T0Mi

[cowsmanaut]

funny thing about pro's and cons, is that when you have two sets, you need to compare the bad with the bad to determine which is worse for you. Depression can be in part the feeling of being overwhelmed or powerless against those cons which happen in daily life. I myself have a tendency to lay down for problems in my life.. and then let them walk all over me. Because of this, it's my personal responsibility to me, to make sure those things that occur are only there because I allowed them to be there, because it's my choices that are leading me towards them.

It's the same with everyone.. if you find you get fat by eating doughnuts, then that problem is because you continue to eat them. It's a choice.. The counter side to that is that perhaps you eat fruit but it gives you gas.. so which do you prefer? fruit which satisfies the sweet desire, but you pay in flatulence.. or the doughnuts which you pay for in increased clothing costs as your waist size increases?

So, which cons can you live with? and which can you not?

That said, two other decent alternatives were presented. Taking on both freelance with a part time job. Where you get money and the chance to work on your own things. Or finding a partner. Someone who can do much of what you do, Not that they simply be the sales man, but can allow you to take on bigger or more projects because you are not just one man, you are a team. As a result, one takes on sales, the other perhaps taxes. There is more than one job in managing yourself as your own bussiness.. so if you share in them as well as the web work then you both win.

Last comment.. when you work for clients, you are NEVER your own boss.. and clients can be just as bad as any boss you've ever had.. they don't want to pay you, they don't like what you've done, they can't pay this week, they don't know what they want, they want a favor or a deal.. etc etc.. Working on what you choose is not a reality either, because you work on what you can get. It's the reality.. if you only took the jobs you liked, then either you are REALLY lucky to have only found those, OR you have very little to work on... and thus very little cash as a result.

moo

[Gambit37]

Hi Tomi, thanks for your response. The depression thing is an ongoing problem that I haven't solved yet and I don't want to solve it with drugs (natural, or otherwise) if I can help it. I tried that before and it messed me up. I will be talking to my doctor about again.

The friends that I left behind weren't really friends at all. I realised that after I moved away. I had a circle of about 20 regular people that I would see, but most of them are not close at all. The few friends that I *am* close to, I *have* continued to keep in touch with. It's all OK. What I do need to do though is to find new social things to do in this new town.

@Cows: Comparing the bad with the bad. The biggest problem is lack of security of income doing freelance work, and having to sell myself on a regular basis. I'm not good at that. However, I *can* sell myself in an interview when it's for a job I want, and only having to do it once every few years is a lot easier!

Your other points match my thought process, so thanks for helping me clarify some things.

I still don't know what I'm going to do, but it certainly looks as if I will stop full-time freelancing. It's not really for me.

(What I shame I just spent four months working on my new portfolio!)

[dayday2008]

Hey Gambit37, you've made a good point, one which I think alot of people can relate to.
I work for my local council as a groundsman, its part-time seasonal work through an agency but some may be lucky and get full-time employment, anyway, me and the other lads there are always on the lookout for some freelancing or 'guvvy jobs' either during or outside work hours. The good thing about which is that it's at the employer's expense, using their equipment/time, I know this is a bit dodgey and one must be carefull not to get caught but it does give one the best of both worlds.
I myself have plans to be a self-employed groundsman but I'll stick to what i'm doing for now untill I have sufficient expierience, financial backing, etc. Also, I would want to be fairly sure that i'm happy with that proffession if I were to take such a step.
However, keep your chin up, it's not that bad really, as Bob Marley said ''Every little thing, is gonna be alright'' hope you find my thoughts usefull, all the best.