119
The party is starting to get a little bored, but stagger on nonetheless.
However, the ennui becomes overpowering as they carry on, and all these never-ending grey walls don't help, certainly! Gothmog sulks and takes out a miniature game of battlechess from his robes and plays with it for a while, but he gets bored with it quite quickly after making the various pieces kill each other. He throws it against the wall in frustration, though not too hard because, after all, what's the point.
Stamm turned to tell Gothmog to knock it off, but finds he can't be bothered. He goes back to trying to catch a glimpse of the chests the girls have (your know, the wooden ones all champions can somehow cram into their packs. And the girls have them because they have more clothes and shoes and need the storage. Yeah, that's right, I didn't go there but went there instead.)
Stamm then thought 'what's the point' and stopped trying. And then he suddenly realised what he'd just thought. "Guys! We aren't just bored with this plot device already! This is a trap or trick or something! We have to snap out of it!"
"Yeah, it's the 'test of futility'," said Alex, pointing backwards towards the wall listlessly. "I didn't think it was really that important to tell you."
The others made 'meh' noises, and Gothmog quietly wept.
"Come on people!" said Stamm, trying to muster up more enthusiasm than he felt, "there's...you know, women's chests that are interesting! How do all those shoes fit in and what do they need them for? What about nature, Syra? Syra?" Stamm couldn't see the elf and couldn't tell if she was not with the group or had just fallen down in dispair.
"Come on! What about he joy of life Mophus! What about bows Linflas! What about your impressive moustache Zed or your great body Halk! What about the important things dammit!"
The champions look up at Stamm, then passed Stamm. Infront of them the scene has switched. They are no longer in the grey boring walls they once were. No, now they are back at the grey boring walls of the start!
"Noooooo!" says Stamm, feeling his will to carry on fading. Surely this was an illusion, surely some evil agent hadn't just teleported them all the way back to the beginning...
Who is in your party that is still filled with joie de vivre? Give your party one point if: Linflas is alive and isn't melancholy or depressed; Syra is still present/alive and still loves nature; if Mophus is still alive, with teeth, and isn't depressed; Halk is still alive (and hence has a body) and has a club; Zed is still alive (and hence has his moustache) ; Alex still has the stealth he loves so much; Stamm is actually 'alive' and one of the women possesses a nice dress (hah, did anyone care enough to go shopping for the party in the store? Did they?).
If you possess 4 or more points, go to 120
Otherwise, what choices do you have left?
If you possess a giant stone club you can have Stamm or Halk just beat some sense into the champions and intimidate them into going on. G oto 121
Otherwise, you can just decide to give in to the futility, stop, and stop playing. Go to...well, another web page!
Or, you can decide to go onwards anyway and restart - the party are already there, and you have cool stuff, even if you don't have a fully functioning party anymore. Go to 1
The Silly and once Christmas-y Choose Your Own Adventure
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1
Hah! This really isn't section one at all, it's a disguised section 122 and you passed the futility test by futilely playing this game again! Yeah you! Yeah your heroic party!
122
The party decided to man up and carry on anyway, like the big damn heroes they really are! All the emotional problems of the group are forgotten as they heroically deal with them. As they pass the Altar of Vi they ressurect a hero (if any are dead and skeletonised pick one to bring back to life). As they walk back through the dungeon they pick up any missing heroes that fell by the wayside.
The skeletonised members of the group, if you have any, feel heroic and part of the group of champions even though they are skeletons.
Your Heroic Weapons(tm) soak up this powerful wave of gosh darn bravery and stiff upper lippedness the party radiate, and become +1 better. I have no idea what this means at the moment, but I am sure it will have some significance at the end.
Sir John Mills himself, as you pass him, stands up straight on the top of the hill he has climbed, and salutes your pluck. Sadly, this means the truck he's pushed to the top falls back down again, but gosh darn it John is inspired by your example, shrugs, and says that he guessed the Carlsbergs will be on him when he seems you back in blighty.
All in all, you should be pretty proud of yourself as you get back to the test of futility and find it no longer affects the party.
"Wait a minute," says Azizi, "there is no teleporter here. Umm, it was just an illusion, and we were so busy being brave we managed to teleport ourselves back to the entrance."
"Actually, that was me," said Gothmog, "I was re-discovering the joys of being an evil bell-end. Sorry."
The party laughs, shrugs, sings 'always look o nthe bright side of life, and carries on towards the next test, and probable certain victory.
Go to 123, though note the fact Gothmog is now an evil bell-end.
Hah! This really isn't section one at all, it's a disguised section 122 and you passed the futility test by futilely playing this game again! Yeah you! Yeah your heroic party!
122
The party decided to man up and carry on anyway, like the big damn heroes they really are! All the emotional problems of the group are forgotten as they heroically deal with them. As they pass the Altar of Vi they ressurect a hero (if any are dead and skeletonised pick one to bring back to life). As they walk back through the dungeon they pick up any missing heroes that fell by the wayside.
The skeletonised members of the group, if you have any, feel heroic and part of the group of champions even though they are skeletons.
Your Heroic Weapons(tm) soak up this powerful wave of gosh darn bravery and stiff upper lippedness the party radiate, and become +1 better. I have no idea what this means at the moment, but I am sure it will have some significance at the end.
Sir John Mills himself, as you pass him, stands up straight on the top of the hill he has climbed, and salutes your pluck. Sadly, this means the truck he's pushed to the top falls back down again, but gosh darn it John is inspired by your example, shrugs, and says that he guessed the Carlsbergs will be on him when he seems you back in blighty.
All in all, you should be pretty proud of yourself as you get back to the test of futility and find it no longer affects the party.
"Wait a minute," says Azizi, "there is no teleporter here. Umm, it was just an illusion, and we were so busy being brave we managed to teleport ourselves back to the entrance."
"Actually, that was me," said Gothmog, "I was re-discovering the joys of being an evil bell-end. Sorry."
The party laughs, shrugs, sings 'always look o nthe bright side of life, and carries on towards the next test, and probable certain victory.
Go to 123, though note the fact Gothmog is now an evil bell-end.
121
Chani:
"I just got no will,"
"I really got to chill."
"Do ya know it's tough,"
"I've been sleeping ruff."
Stamm:
"Things are going to get ugly..."
"We're going deep down quickly."
"But waving a stone club in ma hand,"
"It helps motivate my band."
Wuuf
"We've been descendin for ages,"
"Fighting without wages."
"All this for a bad dude,"
"Known to be quite rude."
Stamm:
"Things are going to get ugly..."
"We're going deep down quickly."
"But waving a stone club in ma hand,"
"It helps motivate my band."
Syra:
"I ain't going down,"
"Not for that Lord Chaos clown."
"There's a dragon down there,"
"And the way he breathes there's no air."
Stamm:
"Things are going to get ugly..."
"We're going deep down quickly."
"But waving a stone club in ma hand,"
"It helps motivate my band."
Stamm:
"Violence doesn't pay,"
"But you get out of my way."
"We're gonna do this thang,"
"Give that lizard a helluva bang."
... And with Stamm's last motivational rap on the head with his club, move jauntily on to 123.
Chani:
"I just got no will,"
"I really got to chill."
"Do ya know it's tough,"
"I've been sleeping ruff."
Stamm:
"Things are going to get ugly..."
"We're going deep down quickly."
"But waving a stone club in ma hand,"
"It helps motivate my band."
Wuuf
"We've been descendin for ages,"
"Fighting without wages."
"All this for a bad dude,"
"Known to be quite rude."
Stamm:
"Things are going to get ugly..."
"We're going deep down quickly."
"But waving a stone club in ma hand,"
"It helps motivate my band."
Syra:
"I ain't going down,"
"Not for that Lord Chaos clown."
"There's a dragon down there,"
"And the way he breathes there's no air."
Stamm:
"Things are going to get ugly..."
"We're going deep down quickly."
"But waving a stone club in ma hand,"
"It helps motivate my band."
Stamm:
"Violence doesn't pay,"
"But you get out of my way."
"We're gonna do this thang,"
"Give that lizard a helluva bang."
... And with Stamm's last motivational rap on the head with his club, move jauntily on to 123.
125
Well, I mean it's good, happy champions are good, no one can say happy champions aren't good, I mean really, can they?
It's just...you know...
Well, I mean where's the angst-y self-analysis? Where's the uncertainty and yet heroically carrying on and finding the courage and self-belief in the end and confronting the villain?
Where's the hardships along the way that temper the heroes and produce the finest champions forged?
Did the Grey Lord get his heroes from the Happy Village of Happiness, give them the firestaff, and off they went fusing Lord Chaos while singing jaunty pop tunes? No!
There was death and rebirth, champions failing and being given another chance. There was the challenge of going against Lord Librasulus's wishes! There were 13 levels of evil puzzles and scary monsters and wounds and death and carrying on and learning painful lessons and almost giving up but having one more go and succeeding!
There were insurmountable golems to get the staff and a scary dragon to get the gem.
In short, I'm sorry, but while you might have happy well adjusted champions immune to the effects of the futility challenge, well, what can one say. It just seems like they have had it too easy and they just don't seem to be as heroic.
The heroic weapons seem to agree, and will now grant -1 less on any rolls the champions need to make with them. Don't ask me yet what those rolls are, but they better blooming well be important so those smug and happy champions finally get a taste of some hardship!
Also, the champions are now all suffering form a feeling of anti-climax after apparently getting passed that trial so easily. They are all feeling a little bit out of sorts and even hesitantly cautious, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Note that down somewhere, and carry on I guess! Go to 123
Well, I mean it's good, happy champions are good, no one can say happy champions aren't good, I mean really, can they?
It's just...you know...
Well, I mean where's the angst-y self-analysis? Where's the uncertainty and yet heroically carrying on and finding the courage and self-belief in the end and confronting the villain?
Where's the hardships along the way that temper the heroes and produce the finest champions forged?
Did the Grey Lord get his heroes from the Happy Village of Happiness, give them the firestaff, and off they went fusing Lord Chaos while singing jaunty pop tunes? No!
There was death and rebirth, champions failing and being given another chance. There was the challenge of going against Lord Librasulus's wishes! There were 13 levels of evil puzzles and scary monsters and wounds and death and carrying on and learning painful lessons and almost giving up but having one more go and succeeding!
There were insurmountable golems to get the staff and a scary dragon to get the gem.
In short, I'm sorry, but while you might have happy well adjusted champions immune to the effects of the futility challenge, well, what can one say. It just seems like they have had it too easy and they just don't seem to be as heroic.
The heroic weapons seem to agree, and will now grant -1 less on any rolls the champions need to make with them. Don't ask me yet what those rolls are, but they better blooming well be important so those smug and happy champions finally get a taste of some hardship!
Also, the champions are now all suffering form a feeling of anti-climax after apparently getting passed that trial so easily. They are all feeling a little bit out of sorts and even hesitantly cautious, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Note that down somewhere, and carry on I guess! Go to 123
123
The party sees some stairs, going down once more into the gloom. "Well we're advancing" states Gothmog, "Yeah, Stairway to Hell" retorts Azizi.
To the uplifting hum of a rather famous Pink Floyd song (Stairway to Heaven) mixed to the riff of one by AC/DC (Highway to Hell), our champions trot on down the stairs, ready for the next task.
Go to 126.
The party sees some stairs, going down once more into the gloom. "Well we're advancing" states Gothmog, "Yeah, Stairway to Hell" retorts Azizi.
To the uplifting hum of a rather famous Pink Floyd song (Stairway to Heaven) mixed to the riff of one by AC/DC (Highway to Hell), our champions trot on down the stairs, ready for the next task.
Go to 126.
126
The party are busy headbanging and don't instantly realise they are in a big hall - but they are.
"Ugh, the dragon can't spell," says Tiggy with disgust, "it says 'Nobodies Contest' "
"Umm, I don't think that's the case," said Leif, looking across the hall. "What do you call a group of skeletons?"
"A flock I think, why, what's the joke?" asked Tiggy interested.
"No joke," says Leif, indicating the warparty of skeletons, "they're flocking this way!"
Uh-oh! Is the party in trouble? Or can Gothmog, lord of doing crazy magical stuff save the day?
If Gothmog is in the party:
Is he (thankfully) an evil bell-end now? Go to 127
Is he (unfortunately) still (perhaps?) dehydrated? Go to (definitely) 128
Otherwise, should Gothmog do something intelligently mage-y? Go to 129
Or should he fireball everything? Go to 124
If Gothmog isn't available to do anything, or you don't want him to, it's time to fight it out! There are 20 skeletons. Sadly, anyone dead in the party goes off to join their skeletonised comrades! And any trolins decide to sit this one out.
If the party is being cautious now, then one skeleton gets in a free bop to the head of a random member, who is knocked unconscious.
Now, it's time to fight. Each conscious member of the party can take out one skeleton. If a member possesses a sword or axe (there was a shop earlier you know!) they can take out an additional skeleton. If a member possesses a club (again, could have shopped for more, no stealing trolin clubs) then they can take out an additional two skeletons. If you possess a stone club, and Halk, Leif or Stamm to swing it, they get an additional three skeletons instead
Are there any skeletons left? If so, each party member can take out an additional one skeleton (only), but will be knocked unconscious themselves.
So, did you win? Do you have any conscious party members left?
If so, go to 130
If not, then what were you doing in this game? Hang your head and restart at section 1!
The party are busy headbanging and don't instantly realise they are in a big hall - but they are.
"Ugh, the dragon can't spell," says Tiggy with disgust, "it says 'Nobodies Contest' "
"Umm, I don't think that's the case," said Leif, looking across the hall. "What do you call a group of skeletons?"
"A flock I think, why, what's the joke?" asked Tiggy interested.
"No joke," says Leif, indicating the warparty of skeletons, "they're flocking this way!"
Uh-oh! Is the party in trouble? Or can Gothmog, lord of doing crazy magical stuff save the day?
If Gothmog is in the party:
Is he (thankfully) an evil bell-end now? Go to 127
Is he (unfortunately) still (perhaps?) dehydrated? Go to (definitely) 128
Otherwise, should Gothmog do something intelligently mage-y? Go to 129
Or should he fireball everything? Go to 124
If Gothmog isn't available to do anything, or you don't want him to, it's time to fight it out! There are 20 skeletons. Sadly, anyone dead in the party goes off to join their skeletonised comrades! And any trolins decide to sit this one out.
If the party is being cautious now, then one skeleton gets in a free bop to the head of a random member, who is knocked unconscious.
Now, it's time to fight. Each conscious member of the party can take out one skeleton. If a member possesses a sword or axe (there was a shop earlier you know!) they can take out an additional skeleton. If a member possesses a club (again, could have shopped for more, no stealing trolin clubs) then they can take out an additional two skeletons. If you possess a stone club, and Halk, Leif or Stamm to swing it, they get an additional three skeletons instead
Are there any skeletons left? If so, each party member can take out an additional one skeleton (only), but will be knocked unconscious themselves.
So, did you win? Do you have any conscious party members left?
If so, go to 130
If not, then what were you doing in this game? Hang your head and restart at section 1!
Last edited by beowuuf on Sat Sep 13, 2008 12:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
127
Gothmog stepped forward to the incoming skantily armoured skeletons, with his Evil-Bell-End(tm) attitude on show. He was ready, and the others in the party had high expectations.
Nobody would know just how many milennia he had taken in this plane of existence to perfect the Evil-Bell-End(tm) (now only known as EBE) aura he projected about himself. Being from the ethereal realm it was obvious to wizards and high priests that having a personality nor even a persona was not in the list of priorites of the immortal beings and monsters there. The other dimension had existed for eons before this one had appeared and anyone who had a personality there generally disappeared up their own anus, or ethereal equivalent, after only a million years or so. What was left was a soulless-party of beings with more or less of the same attitude and outlook to the supralife they led.
So what did Gothmog do when he was accidentally displaced across dimensions 10,000 years ago from his beloved petunia garden to the mayhem we know and love today? He quickly developed a gusto for immitating humanoid personalities, and wearing dark shades. He knew he wasn't buying it, and that his aeons of previous life's experience would always come through and return his personality back to it's 'logical' reasoning. However he worked hard and he was almost accepted as one of the more eccentric people that roamed the lands... Although awkward questions were asked when he disrobed to find 400 ethereal tentacles where his sporran should be.
So here he was, in EBE mode, immortal (the first trick he learnt was playing 'dead' while not giggling), and about to be overwhelmed by a throng of skeltons in spikey thongs. What did he do?
For inspiration he quickly read the wikipedia entry on 'Undead', and found that if you slew their creator his creations would likewise be dispatched. With this in mind then, and noting the wee fellow skulking at the back, he launched an insidious and banana shaped fireball around the mass of oncoming bones veering to his intended target not accostomed to such bendy fireworks.
The small skulky guy exploded in a ball of flames, the bones dropped to the floor with a clatter.
"Wow that was eeevillly cool!" shouted Leif. "How do you swerve the fireballs?"
Gothmog, gave him one of his special EBE stares. A perfectly timed pregnant pause then followed with the following cryptic response.
"I have perfected a technique attaching fireballs to the location of my Bell End."
The author used to live about 10 km from there, and let me tell you that going to 131 would be far more interesting.
Gothmog stepped forward to the incoming skantily armoured skeletons, with his Evil-Bell-End(tm) attitude on show. He was ready, and the others in the party had high expectations.Nobody would know just how many milennia he had taken in this plane of existence to perfect the Evil-Bell-End(tm) (now only known as EBE) aura he projected about himself. Being from the ethereal realm it was obvious to wizards and high priests that having a personality nor even a persona was not in the list of priorites of the immortal beings and monsters there. The other dimension had existed for eons before this one had appeared and anyone who had a personality there generally disappeared up their own anus, or ethereal equivalent, after only a million years or so. What was left was a soulless-party of beings with more or less of the same attitude and outlook to the supralife they led.
So what did Gothmog do when he was accidentally displaced across dimensions 10,000 years ago from his beloved petunia garden to the mayhem we know and love today? He quickly developed a gusto for immitating humanoid personalities, and wearing dark shades. He knew he wasn't buying it, and that his aeons of previous life's experience would always come through and return his personality back to it's 'logical' reasoning. However he worked hard and he was almost accepted as one of the more eccentric people that roamed the lands... Although awkward questions were asked when he disrobed to find 400 ethereal tentacles where his sporran should be.
So here he was, in EBE mode, immortal (the first trick he learnt was playing 'dead' while not giggling), and about to be overwhelmed by a throng of skeltons in spikey thongs. What did he do?
For inspiration he quickly read the wikipedia entry on 'Undead', and found that if you slew their creator his creations would likewise be dispatched. With this in mind then, and noting the wee fellow skulking at the back, he launched an insidious and banana shaped fireball around the mass of oncoming bones veering to his intended target not accostomed to such bendy fireworks.
The small skulky guy exploded in a ball of flames, the bones dropped to the floor with a clatter.
"Wow that was eeevillly cool!" shouted Leif. "How do you swerve the fireballs?"
Gothmog, gave him one of his special EBE stares. A perfectly timed pregnant pause then followed with the following cryptic response.
"I have perfected a technique attaching fireballs to the location of my Bell End."
The author used to live about 10 km from there, and let me tell you that going to 131 would be far more interesting.
128
Gothmog stepped forward to the incoming skantily armoured skeletons, but what with his binge drinking the night before plus his current inability to drink he wavered a little. With an emphasis on the parenthesis he shouted:
"Come on people, get behind me on this one (please)!"
The party duly pulled up their sleeves, unsheathed their weapons, pulled menacing faces and stood behind their comrade (but not too close).
The first skeleton wielding a rusty sword initiated a purposeful lunge at our Gothmog, who was still pursing his lips thinking of one of those delicious Piña Coladas he could do with right now. They were refreshingly fruity yet laced with rum lovingly drizzled over top of them with a cute little umbrella popped on top to...
The tip of the sword suddenly appeared out of the back of his robe. Empty eyesockets peered quizzically at the shining eyes of Gothmog, just centimeters away. The rest of the skeletons suddenly stopped, confused.
"Oh how embarrasing", said Gothmog, wondering how to explain away his immortal and non-physical state to the other champions that he generally regarded as talking meat (that is, lower-life-forms from an inferior reality). He wasn't from this mortal plane, and found it difficult to articulate the words for others into just how to get back to his dimension without using walking boots, a boat or riding a donkey. They never grasped the concepts of pan-dimensional-corporeal-teleportation. He was also in danger of revealing his biggest secret. He couldn't die. Sachets of tomato ketchup, squeezed with exquisite timing under his arm pit in the midst of a melee, was usually enough to fein a I'm-dead-now-so-pop-me-in-a-VI-altar-and-watch-me-spring-to-life-Huzzah! incident.
Gando, who was suddenly glad he wasn´t standing that close to Gothmog, pointed a dirty stubby finger at the new tear in the back of Gothmog's cloak:
"That must smart a bit... Like really hurt, no?"
"You errr, can do that if you're dehydrated... Yes, that's it. Thirsty yet empty. Parched throat but an edamificable stomach. It's all to do with osmosis don't you know." He was not convincing, not least to himself.
The skeletons, magical constructs created by necromancers with a soul purpose to hack at and consequently consume living flesh, had suddenly come to a decision. Eat the rest of them, ignore the wierde one. 'Phew!' thought Gothmog, who nutted (head butted) the skeleton breaking his boney chin, and mayhem ensued.
It's time for Gothmog to act! But what to do?
Gothmog lets loose one of his special tectonic fireballs 124
Gothmog does something mage-y and clever 129
Gothmog stepped forward to the incoming skantily armoured skeletons, but what with his binge drinking the night before plus his current inability to drink he wavered a little. With an emphasis on the parenthesis he shouted:"Come on people, get behind me on this one (please)!"
The party duly pulled up their sleeves, unsheathed their weapons, pulled menacing faces and stood behind their comrade (but not too close).
The first skeleton wielding a rusty sword initiated a purposeful lunge at our Gothmog, who was still pursing his lips thinking of one of those delicious Piña Coladas he could do with right now. They were refreshingly fruity yet laced with rum lovingly drizzled over top of them with a cute little umbrella popped on top to...
The tip of the sword suddenly appeared out of the back of his robe. Empty eyesockets peered quizzically at the shining eyes of Gothmog, just centimeters away. The rest of the skeletons suddenly stopped, confused.
"Oh how embarrasing", said Gothmog, wondering how to explain away his immortal and non-physical state to the other champions that he generally regarded as talking meat (that is, lower-life-forms from an inferior reality). He wasn't from this mortal plane, and found it difficult to articulate the words for others into just how to get back to his dimension without using walking boots, a boat or riding a donkey. They never grasped the concepts of pan-dimensional-corporeal-teleportation. He was also in danger of revealing his biggest secret. He couldn't die. Sachets of tomato ketchup, squeezed with exquisite timing under his arm pit in the midst of a melee, was usually enough to fein a I'm-dead-now-so-pop-me-in-a-VI-altar-and-watch-me-spring-to-life-Huzzah! incident.
Gando, who was suddenly glad he wasn´t standing that close to Gothmog, pointed a dirty stubby finger at the new tear in the back of Gothmog's cloak:
"That must smart a bit... Like really hurt, no?"
"You errr, can do that if you're dehydrated... Yes, that's it. Thirsty yet empty. Parched throat but an edamificable stomach. It's all to do with osmosis don't you know." He was not convincing, not least to himself.
The skeletons, magical constructs created by necromancers with a soul purpose to hack at and consequently consume living flesh, had suddenly come to a decision. Eat the rest of them, ignore the wierde one. 'Phew!' thought Gothmog, who nutted (head butted) the skeleton breaking his boney chin, and mayhem ensued.
It's time for Gothmog to act! But what to do?
Gothmog lets loose one of his special tectonic fireballs 124
Gothmog does something mage-y and clever 129
129
Gothmog pulled forth the millennia of supralife* existence that he possessed to think of something clever, cunning and wise. Wise like a mage! Cunning like a fox! Clever like a ... clever thing.
Aha!
The hordes of skeletons advanced. Their menacing weapons (carrying risk of tetanus and slow blunt death) were brandished high. Their grinning faces seemed more grin-y. It was like an army of Death advancing on thr worried party.
Gothmog drew himself up and pointed a taloned hand. "Look over there!"
The skeletons stopped. Five of their number turned around in confusion. The rest of the skeletons, despite lack of facial features, gave Gothmog the same incredulous look as the party.
"What?" asked Gothmog to the glaring party. Gothmog's eyes then went wide, and he pointed a taloned hand. "Oh my god, look at that!" The party whipped around in fear, and Gothmog legged it while they were distracted.
The skeletons watched Gothmog depart, shrugged, then carried on their menacing march towards the party. Well, except for the
skeletons still looking over their shoulder to see what Gothmog was pointing at originally.
Go back to 126 and fight the skeletons. Note you have temporarily lost Gothmog until the fight is over, but at least you also have 5 less skeletons to deal with too.
*Wow, if you are playing this straight and not just reading all the chapters, and actually were forced to read this section, well, boy will you be confused by that sentence, but you know - you deserve to be! Read sections 127 and 128 like normal people would!
Gothmog pulled forth the millennia of supralife* existence that he possessed to think of something clever, cunning and wise. Wise like a mage! Cunning like a fox! Clever like a ... clever thing.
Aha!
The hordes of skeletons advanced. Their menacing weapons (carrying risk of tetanus and slow blunt death) were brandished high. Their grinning faces seemed more grin-y. It was like an army of Death advancing on thr worried party.
Gothmog drew himself up and pointed a taloned hand. "Look over there!"
The skeletons stopped. Five of their number turned around in confusion. The rest of the skeletons, despite lack of facial features, gave Gothmog the same incredulous look as the party.
"What?" asked Gothmog to the glaring party. Gothmog's eyes then went wide, and he pointed a taloned hand. "Oh my god, look at that!" The party whipped around in fear, and Gothmog legged it while they were distracted.
The skeletons watched Gothmog depart, shrugged, then carried on their menacing march towards the party. Well, except for the
skeletons still looking over their shoulder to see what Gothmog was pointing at originally.
Go back to 126 and fight the skeletons. Note you have temporarily lost Gothmog until the fight is over, but at least you also have 5 less skeletons to deal with too.
*Wow, if you are playing this straight and not just reading all the chapters, and actually were forced to read this section, well, boy will you be confused by that sentence, but you know - you deserve to be! Read sections 127 and 128 like normal people would!
130
The party survey the damage, a whole tangle of bones and rusted equipment and fallen champions (if none actually got knocked unconscious, then they just fell down drunk)
"What have you done!" says a small skulking figure from the side rushing forward, grabbing handfuls of bones in his hand and crushing them to his chest as tears stream from his face.
"Oooooooooooooooh," says Chani, "that would have been the controller! We could have just bumped him on the head and stopped this." The party give Chani a look. If she is absent, dead or unconscious this is very understandable. Otherwise, the party is just being a little rude since they didn't think of it, did they?
"Should we still bump him on the head anyway?" asked someone not unconscious, but apparently very rude indeed.
"Haven't you done enough?" cried the skulking controller, thin cousin of Thomas the Tank Engine's Fat Controller. The man sadly nibbled a rusty blade and looked around for where to start.
"No!" said Halk, walking up behind the man and bumping him on the head with a bone. Halk shrugged, chucked the bone over his shoulder hitting the Fat Controller on the head - who just happened to be visiting - and then said "So, shall we go on? We must be almost finished!"
The weary party grabbed their fallen comrades and resolutely carried on to the next and final trial.
Are you excited? Who wouldn't be! avoid the rush and go to 131 now!
The party survey the damage, a whole tangle of bones and rusted equipment and fallen champions (if none actually got knocked unconscious, then they just fell down drunk)
"What have you done!" says a small skulking figure from the side rushing forward, grabbing handfuls of bones in his hand and crushing them to his chest as tears stream from his face.
"Oooooooooooooooh," says Chani, "that would have been the controller! We could have just bumped him on the head and stopped this." The party give Chani a look. If she is absent, dead or unconscious this is very understandable. Otherwise, the party is just being a little rude since they didn't think of it, did they?
"Should we still bump him on the head anyway?" asked someone not unconscious, but apparently very rude indeed.
"Haven't you done enough?" cried the skulking controller, thin cousin of Thomas the Tank Engine's Fat Controller. The man sadly nibbled a rusty blade and looked around for where to start.
"No!" said Halk, walking up behind the man and bumping him on the head with a bone. Halk shrugged, chucked the bone over his shoulder hitting the Fat Controller on the head - who just happened to be visiting - and then said "So, shall we go on? We must be almost finished!"
The weary party grabbed their fallen comrades and resolutely carried on to the next and final trial.
Are you excited? Who wouldn't be! avoid the rush and go to 131 now!
131
Syra emptied a bota of water over her head. Only one more test to go but things were definately getting warmer down here. Even the very moss on the dungeon walls had an unpleasant sulphurus scent to it. The end is nigh, and Syra really wanted to savour the sweet musky smells of the forest again.
The rock hewn passage opened again into the gloom. Some flickering torches could be seen casting a little light across the other side.
Stamm rested his hand on the wall, where he saw etched into the stone 'Test your strength'. "Ah ha" he said with a grin, but then saw scratched underneath in smaller letters 'of mind'. "Oh..."
"As Dwarves are renowned for their tenacity and strength of mind I shall advance alone and complete this last test." He proptly started to boldly goose step his way across the gloom with his bearded chin pointed to the ceiling.
"Pig headed Dwarves, I think he means" muttered Syra and someone snickered from the back.
It was then a shadow of a creature came into view.
Leyla: "What's that?"
Tiggy: "Tall and slim."
Elija: "Shiney skin."
Wuuf: "I smell tentacles."
Wu Tse:"It'll eat his brains!"
All: "Mind flayer!"
It was then Stamm appeared to the party to be clutching his head and shouting "Agghhhhh-snuffghhh!" Unknown to the party, however a centipede (see 42) had appeared out of it's nest in Stamm's beard and started tickling his nose with its many legs. The stubborn dwarf, mindful of the fact that this was a test of his will, continued to stumble and lurch in a forward direction.
Leyla: "We should warn the Dwarf!"
Mophus:"Fireballs!"
Wuuf: "Nahhh let him finish this. Ignorance is bliss."
Syra: "I'll call the lawyers..."
And with that last confusing statement, you have a choice:
Try shouting to the Stamm and enlighten him of the impending danger, to 132 with you.
Lob some fireballs at the Illithid cum Mind flayer, scorch your way across to 133.
Patience is bliss, and so is Stamm's sufferance, then you go to 134.
Wait for Syra to get off her new-generation-4-band-solid-rock-penetrating mobile phone and see what the lawyers do with this mess. Subpoena the 135.
Syra emptied a bota of water over her head. Only one more test to go but things were definately getting warmer down here. Even the very moss on the dungeon walls had an unpleasant sulphurus scent to it. The end is nigh, and Syra really wanted to savour the sweet musky smells of the forest again.The rock hewn passage opened again into the gloom. Some flickering torches could be seen casting a little light across the other side.
Stamm rested his hand on the wall, where he saw etched into the stone 'Test your strength'. "Ah ha" he said with a grin, but then saw scratched underneath in smaller letters 'of mind'. "Oh..." "As Dwarves are renowned for their tenacity and strength of mind I shall advance alone and complete this last test." He proptly started to boldly goose step his way across the gloom with his bearded chin pointed to the ceiling.
"Pig headed Dwarves, I think he means" muttered Syra and someone snickered from the back.
It was then a shadow of a creature came into view.
Leyla: "What's that?"Tiggy: "Tall and slim."Elija: "Shiney skin."Wuuf: "I smell tentacles."Wu Tse:"It'll eat his brains!" All: "Mind flayer!"It was then Stamm appeared to the party to be clutching his head and shouting "Agghhhhh-snuffghhh!" Unknown to the party, however a centipede (see 42) had appeared out of it's nest in Stamm's beard and started tickling his nose with its many legs. The stubborn dwarf, mindful of the fact that this was a test of his will, continued to stumble and lurch in a forward direction.
Leyla: "We should warn the Dwarf!"Mophus:"Fireballs!"Wuuf: "Nahhh let him finish this. Ignorance is bliss."Syra: "I'll call the lawyers..."And with that last confusing statement, you have a choice:
Try shouting to the Stamm and enlighten him of the impending danger, to 132 with you.
Lob some fireballs at the Illithid cum Mind flayer, scorch your way across to 133.
Patience is bliss, and so is Stamm's sufferance, then you go to 134.
Wait for Syra to get off her new-generation-4-band-solid-rock-penetrating mobile phone and see what the lawyers do with this mess. Subpoena the 135.
133
Ah, the test of mind, the test of mind. For example, did you know a facinating fact about the Mind Flayer? Did you know that it really enjoys feasting on minds? Did you know it enjoys it so much that its digestive tract actually goes into over drive in anticipation of a good intellectual nosh? And that this means its flatulence increases one hundred fold?
No?
Hmm, I reckon you might fail the test of mind, just as the party does... a fireball in such a .... rich atmosphere might not be a good thing...
To discover the results, go to 124
Ah, the test of mind, the test of mind. For example, did you know a facinating fact about the Mind Flayer? Did you know that it really enjoys feasting on minds? Did you know it enjoys it so much that its digestive tract actually goes into over drive in anticipation of a good intellectual nosh? And that this means its flatulence increases one hundred fold?
No?
Hmm, I reckon you might fail the test of mind, just as the party does... a fireball in such a .... rich atmosphere might not be a good thing...
To discover the results, go to 124
135
With a click Syra hung up the phone and said
Syra: "They said that they'll be right her..."
Whoosh
And with that a blue haze appeared by the side of the Mind Flayer. Out stepped three well armed lawyers.... They were carrying brief cases, mobile phones, rolodexes, scrolls and a few tomes of law.
Tiggy: "But how did they do that so quickly?"
Syra: "Ahhh. These lawyers are actually Wizards of the Coast(TM). They're very good."
One of the lawyers stepped up to the Mind Flayer with a scroll extended from his hand.
Lawyer: "I am here to... Hmprhh."
The Mind Flayer had quickly attached the tentacles that made for it's mouth around the face of said lawyer. It stayed like that for 10 seconds then suddenly retracted. Today the Mind Flayer would go hungry as instead of feasting on the brain of a sentient creature it had tasted the equivalent of an empty coconut husk. This particular lawyer had little or no humanity, feelings or emotions and so his brain was just like any other functional organ in his body. The soulless lawyer continued.
Lawyer: "As I was saying. I present to you an injunction which prohibits your very existence without the consent of my employer."
Mind Flayer (telepathically transmitting): WTF
Lawyer: "We have already obtained an interlocutory injunction, ex parte, thereby prohibiting your continuation with this forum thread and hereby present your new status of non-existence thereby obtaining and completing injunctive relief."
There was a pause.
The lawyers were clever.
Their employer owned the rights to the Mind Flayer, and it's use thereof, and so therefore it shouldn't be used in any form in this snippet of the story without their previous consent...
But the Mind Flayer was cleverer.
Mind Flayer: I'm off to consume the brain of your secretary.
And with that, the tentacled menace took a side step back through the blue teleporter. Screams emanated from within, and then it closed down.
Lawyer: "Shit."
The party of champions silently walked past the 3 lawyers each one frantically dialing on his mobile phone. What do you mean there are no taxis here?
Follow Stamms itchy beard to 136
With a click Syra hung up the phone and said
Syra: "They said that they'll be right her..."Whoosh
And with that a blue haze appeared by the side of the Mind Flayer. Out stepped three well armed lawyers.... They were carrying brief cases, mobile phones, rolodexes, scrolls and a few tomes of law.
Tiggy: "But how did they do that so quickly?"Syra: "Ahhh. These lawyers are actually Wizards of the Coast(TM). They're very good."One of the lawyers stepped up to the Mind Flayer with a scroll extended from his hand.
Lawyer: "I am here to... Hmprhh."
The Mind Flayer had quickly attached the tentacles that made for it's mouth around the face of said lawyer. It stayed like that for 10 seconds then suddenly retracted. Today the Mind Flayer would go hungry as instead of feasting on the brain of a sentient creature it had tasted the equivalent of an empty coconut husk. This particular lawyer had little or no humanity, feelings or emotions and so his brain was just like any other functional organ in his body. The soulless lawyer continued.
Lawyer: "As I was saying. I present to you an injunction which prohibits your very existence without the consent of my employer."
Mind Flayer (telepathically transmitting): WTF
Lawyer: "We have already obtained an interlocutory injunction, ex parte, thereby prohibiting your continuation with this forum thread and hereby present your new status of non-existence thereby obtaining and completing injunctive relief."
There was a pause.
The lawyers were clever.
Their employer owned the rights to the Mind Flayer, and it's use thereof, and so therefore it shouldn't be used in any form in this snippet of the story without their previous consent...
But the Mind Flayer was cleverer.
Mind Flayer: I'm off to consume the brain of your secretary.
And with that, the tentacled menace took a side step back through the blue teleporter. Screams emanated from within, and then it closed down.
Lawyer: "Shit."
The party of champions silently walked past the 3 lawyers each one frantically dialing on his mobile phone. What do you mean there are no taxis here?
Follow Stamms itchy beard to 136
134
The party all shush each other, not wishing to break the necessary concentration of Stamm.
"WHWHWHWHHWHWHWHW!" says the Mind Flayer, which is 'HAHAHHAHAAHHA' when you have a mouth full of tentacles. 'HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA' it also says telepathically, which it had to concentrate do do - resisting the temptation to imagine saying 'HAHAHHAHAHA' with a mouth filled with tentacles.
Stamm takes his chance in his opponent's hesitation to leap forward in a decisive and defistating attack. Sadly, the distracting caterpillar means Stamm doesn't noticie his untied boots, and decisively launches himself forward into the Mind Flayer's mouth.
A bit of an own goal really.
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" sobs Stamm.
"HWHWHWHHWHWHWHW!" mocks the Mind Flayer, flaying a mind and running off.
"Poor Stamm!" says the group, rushing forward to an almost comatose dwarf.
"He was my friend!" says Stamm finally. The group realise that the Mind Flayer has actually attacked the catepillar and made off with it, and not attacked Stamm. The group then decide to back off and give Stamm some space to grieve, mostly because they are trying not to laugh at the fact Stamm's brain is smaller than a caterpillar.
Eventually, pleased with themselves, the party carry onwards with a sad Stamm in tow. Go to 136, where this test has surely been passed. Surely. It's on to the end. Yup. No bout a doubt it!
The party all shush each other, not wishing to break the necessary concentration of Stamm.
"WHWHWHWHHWHWHWHW!" says the Mind Flayer, which is 'HAHAHHAHAAHHA' when you have a mouth full of tentacles. 'HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA' it also says telepathically, which it had to concentrate do do - resisting the temptation to imagine saying 'HAHAHHAHAHA' with a mouth filled with tentacles.
Stamm takes his chance in his opponent's hesitation to leap forward in a decisive and defistating attack. Sadly, the distracting caterpillar means Stamm doesn't noticie his untied boots, and decisively launches himself forward into the Mind Flayer's mouth.
A bit of an own goal really.
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" sobs Stamm.
"HWHWHWHHWHWHWHW!" mocks the Mind Flayer, flaying a mind and running off.
"Poor Stamm!" says the group, rushing forward to an almost comatose dwarf.
"He was my friend!" says Stamm finally. The group realise that the Mind Flayer has actually attacked the catepillar and made off with it, and not attacked Stamm. The group then decide to back off and give Stamm some space to grieve, mostly because they are trying not to laugh at the fact Stamm's brain is smaller than a caterpillar.
Eventually, pleased with themselves, the party carry onwards with a sad Stamm in tow. Go to 136, where this test has surely been passed. Surely. It's on to the end. Yup. No bout a doubt it!
136
The party feel very smug that they have managed to get passed the Mind Flayer, and all it took was a little sacrifice of some secondary character to appease the Mind Flayer.
For shame champions! For shame reader! Your champions are now -1 less heroic than they were before (negating the effect of any heroic weapons (tm)
Also, a little too smug.
"MWH-HH!" says the tentacle filled mouth of the Mind Flayer attached to the now much stronger Mind Flayer. He might have powered up, but he has by no means satiated his huge appetite.
'AH-HAH!' says the Mind of the Mind Flayer in mocking tones.
The party react quickly to the situation, shoving Stamm back out in front. Whether they know he is immune ot the effects or not, it just strikes me as the sort of unheroic thing your unheroic party would do.
Also, Stamm either still has the caterpillar, or in some form of sad acting out he has replaced the caterpillar with a dried twig twisted into his beard.
Go to 132 and face down the Mind Flayer, but notice that the mind flayer is now twice as nasty as before, and Stamm may well have a penalty for feeling really sad now that he lost the real caterpillar!
The party feel very smug that they have managed to get passed the Mind Flayer, and all it took was a little sacrifice of some secondary character to appease the Mind Flayer.
For shame champions! For shame reader! Your champions are now -1 less heroic than they were before (negating the effect of any heroic weapons (tm)
Also, a little too smug.
"MWH-HH!" says the tentacle filled mouth of the Mind Flayer attached to the now much stronger Mind Flayer. He might have powered up, but he has by no means satiated his huge appetite.
'AH-HAH!' says the Mind of the Mind Flayer in mocking tones.
The party react quickly to the situation, shoving Stamm back out in front. Whether they know he is immune ot the effects or not, it just strikes me as the sort of unheroic thing your unheroic party would do.
Also, Stamm either still has the caterpillar, or in some form of sad acting out he has replaced the caterpillar with a dried twig twisted into his beard.
Go to 132 and face down the Mind Flayer, but notice that the mind flayer is now twice as nasty as before, and Stamm may well have a penalty for feeling really sad now that he lost the real caterpillar!
132
The Mind Flayer looms over Stamm, with it's tentacled mouth dripping and flailing with saliva.
Stamm however, is not with the plot and is unconcerned with the imminent danger. It's nearly Oktober, thought Stamm. I always buy my Christmas presents with a hangover in Oktober to both avoid the the pain of shooping and the manic rush of the humans but I'm still down this hell hole. And then there is that beer festival which is soon to kick off. I could really do with a hangover right now.
It was Stamm's, itchy bearde that saved the day and caused the following freak chain of events.
Stamm reached up to scratch an irritation on his hairy chin but ended up catching a tentacle between his thumb and forefinger. The Mind Flayer, who had been reading Stamm's mind didn't foresee this event (it was a subconscious action after all) and both overreacted and overbalanced by launching his patented Mind Blast (a cone-shaped psionic shockwave) - at the floor.
Stamm, surprised to find a long green mucous-like object inbetween his fingers then stumbled for a tissue. Again, the Mind Flayer misstook this action for an offensive gesture and over compensated by snipping off it's tentacle for what it took to be a sacrificial move.
Stamm quickly realised that his nasal mucus didn't tend to writher and writhe in the palm of his hand but continued to reach down into his trouser pocket anyway.
The Mind Flayer then set up his powerful all rights reserved Mind Shield which was pretty useless against Stamms Axe-Thrown-In-The-Face(*) assault.
The party stood over the Floored Mind Flayer Flailing and Flabbergasted on the Flintstone. Our favourite dwarf returned his axe to his backpack, that he had secreted in his trousers earlier (see 67), and continued down the cavern to the start of a corridoor. Mission accomplished, thus far at least.
Sidle over to 137 and leave the flotsam of a once proud being behind you.
(*) First conceived by PaulH, you have the author's permission to use this method, and any derivates, as and when you need to. Said inventor is not, however, liable for any after effects of the method, especially if used at work.
The Mind Flayer looms over Stamm, with it's tentacled mouth dripping and flailing with saliva.
Stamm however, is not with the plot and is unconcerned with the imminent danger. It's nearly Oktober, thought Stamm. I always buy my Christmas presents with a hangover in Oktober to both avoid the the pain of shooping and the manic rush of the humans but I'm still down this hell hole. And then there is that beer festival which is soon to kick off. I could really do with a hangover right now.
It was Stamm's, itchy bearde that saved the day and caused the following freak chain of events.
Stamm reached up to scratch an irritation on his hairy chin but ended up catching a tentacle between his thumb and forefinger. The Mind Flayer, who had been reading Stamm's mind didn't foresee this event (it was a subconscious action after all) and both overreacted and overbalanced by launching his patented Mind Blast (a cone-shaped psionic shockwave) - at the floor.
Stamm, surprised to find a long green mucous-like object inbetween his fingers then stumbled for a tissue. Again, the Mind Flayer misstook this action for an offensive gesture and over compensated by snipping off it's tentacle for what it took to be a sacrificial move.
Stamm quickly realised that his nasal mucus didn't tend to writher and writhe in the palm of his hand but continued to reach down into his trouser pocket anyway.
The Mind Flayer then set up his powerful all rights reserved Mind Shield which was pretty useless against Stamms Axe-Thrown-In-The-Face(*) assault.
The party stood over the Floored Mind Flayer Flailing and Flabbergasted on the Flintstone. Our favourite dwarf returned his axe to his backpack, that he had secreted in his trousers earlier (see 67), and continued down the cavern to the start of a corridoor. Mission accomplished, thus far at least.
Sidle over to 137 and leave the flotsam of a once proud being behind you.
(*) First conceived by PaulH, you have the author's permission to use this method, and any derivates, as and when you need to. Said inventor is not, however, liable for any after effects of the method, especially if used at work.
137
"We've won!" thought the party happily, walking forward.
"AND HERE IS YOUR REWARD" says a booming, distant voice. A wave of heat rolls over the party, and some of the those with less brave fortitude widdle themselves. Luckily, the hot wave only lights up several torches.
"Oh my goodness!" says Leyla, looking at the visible vista. The huge hall, like the trial of nature, has been turned into a large garden. However, it is a gentle garden filled with many delights. One in particular seems to attract the party's attention.
"Look at that tree!" says Linflas, "it's a rare WubberRubber Tree! Do you know how powerful a bow an elf can make from that?"
"Plus," said Leyla, "it looks like a man's-"
"And look at the fruit!" said Alex, seeing the golden fruit high on the branches, "it looks like it really is made of gold!" A small innocent cute deer comes over, and tries to feed on the apple that fell, breaking a tooth.
"It is made of gold!" said Alex
"Oh my badness!" said Gothmog, "think of the evil things I could do tricking all those cute deer!"
"Oh my goddess!" said Syra, "those poor animals and all this nature will be raveged by you two if someone doesn't stay!"
If the party is feeling empowered and heroic, then they take a moment to soak in the scene, but regretfully move on to continue their mission. Go to 138
Otherwise:
- unless Syra hates nature, you lose her to the beautiful garden. And Stamm will stay to 'guard' her 'wooden' chest unless he is feeling sad.
- unless Gothmog is an evil bell-end and has his sights set on larger evil, he'll stay here to torment deer
- unless Alex is feeling less stealthy and so less theif-y, then he will stay to try and grab the golden fruit
- unless Mophus has lost his smile, he will stay to admire the tree, 'forcing' Leyla to join him.
- unless Linflas feels melancholy or guilty, he will stay to make a new bow out of the tree
Make the adjustments to the party, and then let the remaining party hobble on beyond the Garden. Trun to 138
"We've won!" thought the party happily, walking forward.
"AND HERE IS YOUR REWARD" says a booming, distant voice. A wave of heat rolls over the party, and some of the those with less brave fortitude widdle themselves. Luckily, the hot wave only lights up several torches.
"Oh my goodness!" says Leyla, looking at the visible vista. The huge hall, like the trial of nature, has been turned into a large garden. However, it is a gentle garden filled with many delights. One in particular seems to attract the party's attention.
"Look at that tree!" says Linflas, "it's a rare WubberRubber Tree! Do you know how powerful a bow an elf can make from that?"
"Plus," said Leyla, "it looks like a man's-"
"And look at the fruit!" said Alex, seeing the golden fruit high on the branches, "it looks like it really is made of gold!" A small innocent cute deer comes over, and tries to feed on the apple that fell, breaking a tooth.
"It is made of gold!" said Alex
"Oh my badness!" said Gothmog, "think of the evil things I could do tricking all those cute deer!"
"Oh my goddess!" said Syra, "those poor animals and all this nature will be raveged by you two if someone doesn't stay!"
If the party is feeling empowered and heroic, then they take a moment to soak in the scene, but regretfully move on to continue their mission. Go to 138
Otherwise:
- unless Syra hates nature, you lose her to the beautiful garden. And Stamm will stay to 'guard' her 'wooden' chest unless he is feeling sad.
- unless Gothmog is an evil bell-end and has his sights set on larger evil, he'll stay here to torment deer
- unless Alex is feeling less stealthy and so less theif-y, then he will stay to try and grab the golden fruit
- unless Mophus has lost his smile, he will stay to admire the tree, 'forcing' Leyla to join him.
- unless Linflas feels melancholy or guilty, he will stay to make a new bow out of the tree
Make the adjustments to the party, and then let the remaining party hobble on beyond the Garden. Trun to 138
138
"YOU DO NOT LIKE MY GARDEN?" asked the voice, but the party carried on determinedly.
A large shape moved in the darkness, and there was an odd spitting sound. Several dragon's teeth fell onto the ground, and were sucked in.
"I don't like the look of this!" said Halk, worried. "I have a thing about dragon spit! It's disgusting! Think of all the adventurers' bodies rotting in it's mouth. Eew."
"Umm, I think the other stuff that comes from its mouth should be more worrying!" said Chani, rolling her eyes.
"Like skeletons?" asked Daroou.
Chani had to choke off a sarcastic comment when the skeleton breaking from the ground almost sliced her head off. A fireball did not seem to kill it.
"They're magical!" said Chani, throwing Daroou in the way of one for being quite so smug.
"Quick, use the heroic weapons!" said Halk, grabbing the weapons from where Alex had hidden them, ready to sell later when the party forgot about them.
Which is actually a good idea, and possibly why you needed to have the party take them with you.
Toss two coins in the air. If you want to actually catch them again and look at which face came up, even better. A head is a '1' and a tail is a '0'. Add up the total. If your heroic weapons have any bonus/penalty, use it now.
Now, if you have less than four active champions to wield your magical weapons, or if you have 0 or less, then uh-oh. Go to 139
If you have a 2 or more, then woo-hoo! Go to [/b]140[/b]
If you have a 1, then you can go to 140 anyway. But first, your four best fighters (no cheating now, be honest) wielding the weapons are knocked unconscious as they beat the evil magical skeletons.
"YOU DO NOT LIKE MY GARDEN?" asked the voice, but the party carried on determinedly.
A large shape moved in the darkness, and there was an odd spitting sound. Several dragon's teeth fell onto the ground, and were sucked in.
"I don't like the look of this!" said Halk, worried. "I have a thing about dragon spit! It's disgusting! Think of all the adventurers' bodies rotting in it's mouth. Eew."
"Umm, I think the other stuff that comes from its mouth should be more worrying!" said Chani, rolling her eyes.
"Like skeletons?" asked Daroou.
Chani had to choke off a sarcastic comment when the skeleton breaking from the ground almost sliced her head off. A fireball did not seem to kill it.
"They're magical!" said Chani, throwing Daroou in the way of one for being quite so smug.
"Quick, use the heroic weapons!" said Halk, grabbing the weapons from where Alex had hidden them, ready to sell later when the party forgot about them.
Which is actually a good idea, and possibly why you needed to have the party take them with you.
Toss two coins in the air. If you want to actually catch them again and look at which face came up, even better. A head is a '1' and a tail is a '0'. Add up the total. If your heroic weapons have any bonus/penalty, use it now.
Now, if you have less than four active champions to wield your magical weapons, or if you have 0 or less, then uh-oh. Go to 139
If you have a 2 or more, then woo-hoo! Go to [/b]140[/b]
If you have a 1, then you can go to 140 anyway. But first, your four best fighters (no cheating now, be honest) wielding the weapons are knocked unconscious as they beat the evil magical skeletons.
139
The party can't quite co-ordinate. The mace head falls off, and the sword blade snaps as they are used. The powerful axe flies off and almost beheads wuuf, and the fourth weapon is used up-side down - and hilts don't do much damage to magical skeletons.
Meeeeeeeeeeeanwhile, magical skeletons do a heck of a lot of damage to unarmed opponents.
The party wake up in little bowls, with spikes shoved in unfortunate places. There is a general growling and lots of gutteral utterances. The party then realise they are on a huge table in the middle of a group of drunken dragons wearing party favours - infact, they are the finger food.
Probably best to go to 1 and restart before the dragons get peckish...
The party can't quite co-ordinate. The mace head falls off, and the sword blade snaps as they are used. The powerful axe flies off and almost beheads wuuf, and the fourth weapon is used up-side down - and hilts don't do much damage to magical skeletons.
Meeeeeeeeeeeanwhile, magical skeletons do a heck of a lot of damage to unarmed opponents.
The party wake up in little bowls, with spikes shoved in unfortunate places. There is a general growling and lots of gutteral utterances. The party then realise they are on a huge table in the middle of a group of drunken dragons wearing party favours - infact, they are the finger food.
Probably best to go to 1 and restart before the dragons get peckish...
140
"Haha! Take that!" says the party as they bop the evil skeletons on the head.
"Wow, this dragon sure is unimaginative," says Leif, if he is still conscious - otherwise he might just be thinking it. "He's used the garden before, and now skeletons. What next - a huge giant blocking our way?"
BURP!
"Oh my god!" said Halk, or someone imitating Halk's voice, "it wasn't the dragon after all, it was the fire giant! What an evil mastermind!"
"Bog off," said the fire giant, walking passed, "I'm just here to find some more hot wings*."
"UM, YES," said the dragon, poking his head around the giant's body, "IT IS ACTUALLY ME, I AM THE GENIUS"
"Bloody unimaginative genius," mumbled Gothmog or someone who was doing a Gothmog imitation to avoid evil dragon fire.
"LOOK YOU, DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO COME UP WITH PUZZLES? ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO IMPRISON A HIGH LORD? DO YOU?"
"Probably unimaginative imprisonment," mumbled the mumbler who may - or may not - have been Gothmog.
"RIGHT," growled the dragon, "i HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF-"
"Oh bum," said the fire giant suddenly, realising he'd eaten a little too many hot wings. Suddenly fire poured forth from his every orifice, bringing tears to his eyes but saving the party from being roasted by the dragon's breath.
"Quick," said a quick thinker, "while the dragon is distracted by the cloud of flames, we need our bestest four champions to put on the fireplate armour and get passed to beat the dragon and free Lord Chaos!"
Which, you know, sounds like a good idea to me.
Ok, so you are going to need your best fighter, ninja, wizard and priest for this. Below is a list of legitimate champions for each position. If you use one, this slot has a value of of '2' You can't use those absent or skeletonised. You can use those with afflictions (like sad stamm) but they are less effective, and that slot will have a value of '1'. Some champions could be used in other positions (noted in brackets) if you really are stuck, but you can't use them in two places, and they are less effective and so that slot has a value of of 1. If you can't fill a slot, then you need to carry on and your other champions will need to carry the can - you get a value of '0' in that slot though. Note that Zed can be used in any slot, but is never effective (slot value 1)
Fighters:
Stamm Leif Sonja Halk Iaido (or ninja) Darouu Hissssa Azizi Hawk
Ninjas
Alex Leyla Linflas Gando (or wizard) Wuuf (or priest)
Priests
Nabi (or wizard) Mophus Elija Wu-Tse (or ninja)
Wizards
Boris (or ninja) Tiggy Gothmog Chani Syra (or priest)
Brain fried yet? All confused? Good! Go to 141 with your four champion choices and prepare to face the forces of evil dragon-y-ness!
*And you thought the dragon didn't have wings because of limited graphical reasons. Well now you know. Go and apologise to FTL, why don't you. Go on!
"Haha! Take that!" says the party as they bop the evil skeletons on the head.
"Wow, this dragon sure is unimaginative," says Leif, if he is still conscious - otherwise he might just be thinking it. "He's used the garden before, and now skeletons. What next - a huge giant blocking our way?"
BURP!
"Oh my god!" said Halk, or someone imitating Halk's voice, "it wasn't the dragon after all, it was the fire giant! What an evil mastermind!"
"Bog off," said the fire giant, walking passed, "I'm just here to find some more hot wings*."
"UM, YES," said the dragon, poking his head around the giant's body, "IT IS ACTUALLY ME, I AM THE GENIUS"
"Bloody unimaginative genius," mumbled Gothmog or someone who was doing a Gothmog imitation to avoid evil dragon fire.
"LOOK YOU, DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO COME UP WITH PUZZLES? ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO IMPRISON A HIGH LORD? DO YOU?"
"Probably unimaginative imprisonment," mumbled the mumbler who may - or may not - have been Gothmog.
"RIGHT," growled the dragon, "i HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF-"
"Oh bum," said the fire giant suddenly, realising he'd eaten a little too many hot wings. Suddenly fire poured forth from his every orifice, bringing tears to his eyes but saving the party from being roasted by the dragon's breath.
"Quick," said a quick thinker, "while the dragon is distracted by the cloud of flames, we need our bestest four champions to put on the fireplate armour and get passed to beat the dragon and free Lord Chaos!"
Which, you know, sounds like a good idea to me.
Ok, so you are going to need your best fighter, ninja, wizard and priest for this. Below is a list of legitimate champions for each position. If you use one, this slot has a value of of '2' You can't use those absent or skeletonised. You can use those with afflictions (like sad stamm) but they are less effective, and that slot will have a value of '1'. Some champions could be used in other positions (noted in brackets) if you really are stuck, but you can't use them in two places, and they are less effective and so that slot has a value of of 1. If you can't fill a slot, then you need to carry on and your other champions will need to carry the can - you get a value of '0' in that slot though. Note that Zed can be used in any slot, but is never effective (slot value 1)
Fighters:
Stamm Leif Sonja Halk Iaido (or ninja) Darouu Hissssa Azizi Hawk
Ninjas
Alex Leyla Linflas Gando (or wizard) Wuuf (or priest)
Priests
Nabi (or wizard) Mophus Elija Wu-Tse (or ninja)
Wizards
Boris (or ninja) Tiggy Gothmog Chani Syra (or priest)
Brain fried yet? All confused? Good! Go to 141 with your four champion choices and prepare to face the forces of evil dragon-y-ness!
*And you thought the dragon didn't have wings because of limited graphical reasons. Well now you know. Go and apologise to FTL, why don't you. Go on!
Last edited by beowuuf on Sun Dec 07, 2008 7:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
141
The four (or less) nominated party walk forwards, immune to the fiery explosions from the giant. Woohoo!
"Wait a minute!" comes the voice of the giant between explosions, "that looks like - THAT'S MY BLING YOU'VE GOT!"
The fire giant moves awkwardly,but determinedly to go recover his bling now he's back to being plagued by indigestion. You need a fighter to intimidate him!
Flip two coins, and do that heads = 1 tails = 0 add the two coins together trick that will make you a wow at parties and irresistable to the opposite sex if you can master it. Compare it to the score assigned to your fighter slot.
If it is less or equal to it, then go to 142
If it is greater than your slot score, then your party wasn't very intimidating. The giant rips off their armour, then accidentally roasts them with his indigestion. The dragon thanks the giant, then goes on to roast the rest of the party
Go back to 1[/i] to start again.
The four (or less) nominated party walk forwards, immune to the fiery explosions from the giant. Woohoo!
"Wait a minute!" comes the voice of the giant between explosions, "that looks like - THAT'S MY BLING YOU'VE GOT!"
The fire giant moves awkwardly,but determinedly to go recover his bling now he's back to being plagued by indigestion. You need a fighter to intimidate him!
Flip two coins, and do that heads = 1 tails = 0 add the two coins together trick that will make you a wow at parties and irresistable to the opposite sex if you can master it. Compare it to the score assigned to your fighter slot.
If it is less or equal to it, then go to 142
If it is greater than your slot score, then your party wasn't very intimidating. The giant rips off their armour, then accidentally roasts them with his indigestion. The dragon thanks the giant, then goes on to roast the rest of the party
Go back to 1[/i] to start again.
142
The giant is feeling a little dicky with his tummy, and isn't quite up to dealing with a mean looking sob pounding their fist into their other hand, looking for a fight.
"Umm, I'll just get it back of you lat-ARGH!" says the giant at another explosion, "you know, when you - ARGH! - finishedNNNGH!"
The party nod happily and rush forward, unfortunately the delay in time has let the Dragon spot them in the fiery confusion.
"HAH! NOT EVEN FIRE PLATE CAN STOP MY FIERY WRATH, FOOLS!" bellows the dragon, frying the fireshield right off the confident fighter in a heartbeat.
Oh bum!
"Whibble his whaaaaaaaaarble wheeeeeeeee!" says a voice across the way - it is the captured Lord Chaos. He seems to be all groggy and disoriented, but obviously has an idea.
I could be wrong, but I reckon you need to do something really sneaky to distract the dragon to find out what Lord Chaos's idea is. I could be wrong but I reckon you need - A NINJA! Or at least some ninja-thinking
Go and do the two coins trick again. Then put a video of it on youtube so people can tape their reactions to it. While we're waiting for the reaction videos, compare the score to the ninja slot value.
If the coin value is less or equal, go to 143
If it is greater, then uh-oh. Your party try the old 'look over there' trick, which works perfectly and the dragon does indeed look 'over there'. Unfortunately, the 'over there' is the 'over there' where Chaos is, and where the party is walking. The party walk across the dragon's view, and the dragon contemplates the idiocy for a good few seconds before leaping forward and having fireplate champion casserole with other champion desert.
Go back to 1 and try a little harder next time!
The giant is feeling a little dicky with his tummy, and isn't quite up to dealing with a mean looking sob pounding their fist into their other hand, looking for a fight.
"Umm, I'll just get it back of you lat-ARGH!" says the giant at another explosion, "you know, when you - ARGH! - finishedNNNGH!"
The party nod happily and rush forward, unfortunately the delay in time has let the Dragon spot them in the fiery confusion.
"HAH! NOT EVEN FIRE PLATE CAN STOP MY FIERY WRATH, FOOLS!" bellows the dragon, frying the fireshield right off the confident fighter in a heartbeat.
Oh bum!
"Whibble his whaaaaaaaaarble wheeeeeeeee!" says a voice across the way - it is the captured Lord Chaos. He seems to be all groggy and disoriented, but obviously has an idea.
I could be wrong, but I reckon you need to do something really sneaky to distract the dragon to find out what Lord Chaos's idea is. I could be wrong but I reckon you need - A NINJA! Or at least some ninja-thinking
Go and do the two coins trick again. Then put a video of it on youtube so people can tape their reactions to it. While we're waiting for the reaction videos, compare the score to the ninja slot value.
If the coin value is less or equal, go to 143
If it is greater, then uh-oh. Your party try the old 'look over there' trick, which works perfectly and the dragon does indeed look 'over there'. Unfortunately, the 'over there' is the 'over there' where Chaos is, and where the party is walking. The party walk across the dragon's view, and the dragon contemplates the idiocy for a good few seconds before leaping forward and having fireplate champion casserole with other champion desert.
Go back to 1 and try a little harder next time!
143
"Look over there," says the most sneaky character in the group, pointing to an area other than where the party are, and also an area where Lord Chaos is not.
The Dragon looks over obligingly, while the crafty party member nods happily to himself. And then rushes up and kicks the dragon hard between its hind legs.
NINJA!
The dragon temporarily collapses, curled into a ball of pain, and the party have the chance to rush across to Lord Chaos.
"Scrabble the doorbell ding!" says Chaos, waving happily to the party as if they were bestest friends instead of mortal enemies.
"Oh my god, what has happened?" asked one champion, "has he been tortured?"
"Maybe it's poison!" says another.
The party take a deep breath trying to work out what it could be.
"Wow, he smells of alcohol....he is so drunk!" is the conclusion.
Hmm. In olden times, man coveted the power of the shaman for many reasons. To banish the evil spirits, To cure the wounds of battle. To cure the poisons of the world. But mostly, the shaman were valued by warriors who needed to remove their drunkenness before their wives saw them.
Does your party have a top rated priest? Do you have dexterity and abilities in mental arithmetic to find out? Flip two coins and find out!
If the score is less than or equal to the priest slot value, go to 144
If the scroe is greater, then while your party are arguing with each other about weird hang over cures they are adamant will work, the dragon gets back to its feet. Kicking a dragon between its hind legs gets it really mad, and it was not best pleased with the party in the first place.
It's probably best if we skip anything descriptive about what happens next, and you just go back to [1] to restart
"Look over there," says the most sneaky character in the group, pointing to an area other than where the party are, and also an area where Lord Chaos is not.
The Dragon looks over obligingly, while the crafty party member nods happily to himself. And then rushes up and kicks the dragon hard between its hind legs.
NINJA!
The dragon temporarily collapses, curled into a ball of pain, and the party have the chance to rush across to Lord Chaos.
"Scrabble the doorbell ding!" says Chaos, waving happily to the party as if they were bestest friends instead of mortal enemies.
"Oh my god, what has happened?" asked one champion, "has he been tortured?"
"Maybe it's poison!" says another.
The party take a deep breath trying to work out what it could be.
"Wow, he smells of alcohol....he is so drunk!" is the conclusion.
Hmm. In olden times, man coveted the power of the shaman for many reasons. To banish the evil spirits, To cure the wounds of battle. To cure the poisons of the world. But mostly, the shaman were valued by warriors who needed to remove their drunkenness before their wives saw them.
Does your party have a top rated priest? Do you have dexterity and abilities in mental arithmetic to find out? Flip two coins and find out!
If the score is less than or equal to the priest slot value, go to 144
If the scroe is greater, then while your party are arguing with each other about weird hang over cures they are adamant will work, the dragon gets back to its feet. Kicking a dragon between its hind legs gets it really mad, and it was not best pleased with the party in the first place.
It's probably best if we skip anything descriptive about what happens next, and you just go back to [1] to restart
144
The best priest in your party has managed to bang his leg while running over to Lord Chaos.
"What's wrong with your leg?" asks one of the party, "and why have you changed your accent?"
"Your very attractive," says the priest
"You're right," says one of the other party members with good hair.
"No he's not!" says the final party member, a racial minority.
"What about Lord Chaos?" asks the attractive party member, "shouldn't we worry about him!"
"I'm more worried about myself," says the champion with great hair.
"You're both wrong! We should worry about what's wrong got him drunk!" says the racial minority champion.
"He's right," says the priest, "though I will still call him an idiot and some racial epithet that is amusing to me." The priest walks over and takes somethign from Lord Chaos's side.
"It's Lupus!" says the priest. The rest of the party look at him. The priest lifts the beer. "Wolf Brewery's premium beer 'Lupus'. And what gets rid of Wolf beer?" The rest of the party looks blankly.
The priest takes something out of his pocket, and waves it under Lord Chaos's nose. "Wolfsbane!" says the priest smugly.
"I need to get my spell scrolls!" says Lord Chaos, sitting bolt upright then falling back down unconscious.
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" says the dragon, getting back to it's feet. The priest forgets his limp, and they all rush across to a group of scrolls lying close by.
"It's not normal runes!" cries on of the party, "it's all high lord runes!"
Uh-oh. As the dragon gets up and bares down on the party, it seems like the party needs someone knowledgeable - or at least someone who can fake it. What they need is some wizard smarts! Do they have any?
For one last time, toss two coins, check the faces, add the result, and brush a tear from your eye. This is it - this is the end of the game
Was the result less than or equal to your wizard slot value? Go to 145
If it was greater, well, I guess the game comes to an end too, but, you know, not a good one. Seriously. I can't think of anything funny or gross to say, so I'm just going to tell you to go to 1
The best priest in your party has managed to bang his leg while running over to Lord Chaos.
"What's wrong with your leg?" asks one of the party, "and why have you changed your accent?"
"Your very attractive," says the priest
"You're right," says one of the other party members with good hair.
"No he's not!" says the final party member, a racial minority.
"What about Lord Chaos?" asks the attractive party member, "shouldn't we worry about him!"
"I'm more worried about myself," says the champion with great hair.
"You're both wrong! We should worry about what's wrong got him drunk!" says the racial minority champion.
"He's right," says the priest, "though I will still call him an idiot and some racial epithet that is amusing to me." The priest walks over and takes somethign from Lord Chaos's side.
"It's Lupus!" says the priest. The rest of the party look at him. The priest lifts the beer. "Wolf Brewery's premium beer 'Lupus'. And what gets rid of Wolf beer?" The rest of the party looks blankly.
The priest takes something out of his pocket, and waves it under Lord Chaos's nose. "Wolfsbane!" says the priest smugly.
"I need to get my spell scrolls!" says Lord Chaos, sitting bolt upright then falling back down unconscious.
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" says the dragon, getting back to it's feet. The priest forgets his limp, and they all rush across to a group of scrolls lying close by.
"It's not normal runes!" cries on of the party, "it's all high lord runes!"
Uh-oh. As the dragon gets up and bares down on the party, it seems like the party needs someone knowledgeable - or at least someone who can fake it. What they need is some wizard smarts! Do they have any?
For one last time, toss two coins, check the faces, add the result, and brush a tear from your eye. This is it - this is the end of the game
Was the result less than or equal to your wizard slot value? Go to 145
If it was greater, well, I guess the game comes to an end too, but, you know, not a good one. Seriously. I can't think of anything funny or gross to say, so I'm just going to tell you to go to 1
145
"Aha! I have it!" says the brainiest and wizardiest member of the party, even as the ground trembles at an enraged Dragon's passage.
"What do we do?" ask the other champions.
"Just read the darn things out! We even have a choice of three!"
The dragon roars, skidding to a halt. It snarls, then laughs a gutteral laugh, and a fireball forms on it's tongue.
"PREPARE TO DIE YOU NUT-PUNTING BA-"
The party reads a spell.
If they choose MMM TUR KEY, go to 146
If they choose SCOO BEE DOO, go to 147
If they choose EMM NITE END, go to 148
"Aha! I have it!" says the brainiest and wizardiest member of the party, even as the ground trembles at an enraged Dragon's passage.
"What do we do?" ask the other champions.
"Just read the darn things out! We even have a choice of three!"
The dragon roars, skidding to a halt. It snarls, then laughs a gutteral laugh, and a fireball forms on it's tongue.
"PREPARE TO DIE YOU NUT-PUNTING BA-"
The party reads a spell.
If they choose MMM TUR KEY, go to 146
If they choose SCOO BEE DOO, go to 147
If they choose EMM NITE END, go to 148
Last edited by beowuuf on Sun Dec 07, 2008 7:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
146
The dragon's fireball goes out. The fire giant's fiery emanations in the background also go out. The party feel a chill.
"UMM..." says the dragon, before the effect of the spell happens and it instantly burns to a golden brown.
Lord Chaos had created a spell to quickly apply heat to the most succulent thing in the room, to stop all that looking after food nonsense that has to happen with christmas meal preparations.
"Hey, I'm actually a good cook," says the fire giant, now just a giant, "let me get some sauces!"
Lord Chaos, still nicely drunk, is quite a charming host. The fire giant makes some mean gravy, and also adds some great vegetables.
Some bottles of Lupus go around. The smell is enough to entice all the champions who might have been left behind, aswell as all the other dungeon denizens. And luckily, roast dragon is so large that it can feed everyone - even poor skeletonised party members!
And best of all, there dragon has four legs to give to the four final champions who secured this victory. And there's even some roasted tail for you, gentle player, who made it all possible!
CONGRATULATIONS!
"God bless us, every one!" says Boris, before being roasted by a happy fireball from Lord Chaos.
The (thank god) end!
The dragon's fireball goes out. The fire giant's fiery emanations in the background also go out. The party feel a chill.
"UMM..." says the dragon, before the effect of the spell happens and it instantly burns to a golden brown.
Lord Chaos had created a spell to quickly apply heat to the most succulent thing in the room, to stop all that looking after food nonsense that has to happen with christmas meal preparations.
"Hey, I'm actually a good cook," says the fire giant, now just a giant, "let me get some sauces!"
Lord Chaos, still nicely drunk, is quite a charming host. The fire giant makes some mean gravy, and also adds some great vegetables.
Some bottles of Lupus go around. The smell is enough to entice all the champions who might have been left behind, aswell as all the other dungeon denizens. And luckily, roast dragon is so large that it can feed everyone - even poor skeletonised party members!
And best of all, there dragon has four legs to give to the four final champions who secured this victory. And there's even some roasted tail for you, gentle player, who made it all possible!
CONGRATULATIONS!
"God bless us, every one!" says Boris, before being roasted by a happy fireball from Lord Chaos.
The (thank god) end!
147
A wave of power washes over the scene - reality has shifted!
There is a mechanical noise, and the dragon's leg buckles, sending the fireball flying harmlessly over the party's heads. The dragon is unbalanced and falls sideways with a loud 'THUNK' as if a tin bath had fallen over.
"Curse you meddling kids!" comes the voice from inside the dragon, a more normal volume and less growly.
"Wait a moment, the dragon's head comes off!" says the fire giant, managing to control his emanations enough to rush forward and yank off the oversized head.
"Why - it's Lord Librasulus!" said the champions, shocked.
"Yes, it is I!" said Librasulus, crawling out of his metal monstrosity, " and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for all you meddling spud-bashing kids!"
"But why?" asked the party, all the party coming forward now the fire giant had moved.
"Because you sods never come over for my ocelot stuffing parties, you always make excuses!"
"But, we really were going to this year, if you hadn't sent that scroll!" said the party.
"Curses!"
"Oh, bum, were those ocelots the things over on the shelf there?" asks the giant. "Sorry, I went and ate them all with some hot sauce!"
"Curses!"
Well done brave adventurer! Your party has succeeded in defeating Lord Librasulus's evil plans, and avoided his ocelot stuffing party not once but twice! The fire giant lets you all have some hot wings, while Librasulus is taken away by the police. Lord Chaos is still passed out, so everyone can grab some premium Lupus and drink to their heart's content!
Without fear of Chaos or Librasulus, the other denizens of the dungeon come down and you all have a stoinkingly good time.
Well, not you obviously, as you are just reading this. However, at least you are spared waking up next to mophus in the morning.
CONGRATULATIONS!
The (non-Mophus waking up to) end
A wave of power washes over the scene - reality has shifted!
There is a mechanical noise, and the dragon's leg buckles, sending the fireball flying harmlessly over the party's heads. The dragon is unbalanced and falls sideways with a loud 'THUNK' as if a tin bath had fallen over.
"Curse you meddling kids!" comes the voice from inside the dragon, a more normal volume and less growly.
"Wait a moment, the dragon's head comes off!" says the fire giant, managing to control his emanations enough to rush forward and yank off the oversized head.
"Why - it's Lord Librasulus!" said the champions, shocked.
"Yes, it is I!" said Librasulus, crawling out of his metal monstrosity, " and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for all you meddling spud-bashing kids!"
"But why?" asked the party, all the party coming forward now the fire giant had moved.
"Because you sods never come over for my ocelot stuffing parties, you always make excuses!"
"But, we really were going to this year, if you hadn't sent that scroll!" said the party.
"Curses!"
"Oh, bum, were those ocelots the things over on the shelf there?" asks the giant. "Sorry, I went and ate them all with some hot sauce!"
"Curses!"
Well done brave adventurer! Your party has succeeded in defeating Lord Librasulus's evil plans, and avoided his ocelot stuffing party not once but twice! The fire giant lets you all have some hot wings, while Librasulus is taken away by the police. Lord Chaos is still passed out, so everyone can grab some premium Lupus and drink to their heart's content!
Without fear of Chaos or Librasulus, the other denizens of the dungeon come down and you all have a stoinkingly good time.
Well, not you obviously, as you are just reading this. However, at least you are spared waking up next to mophus in the morning.
CONGRATULATIONS!
The (non-Mophus waking up to) end
148
The fireballs advances and sweeps through the party.
"Wait a moment," says the party as one, "this isn't real! This is just a hallucination brought on by killer screamers poisoning us with hallucinagen so they can take over!"
"How did we shake it off?" asks one champion.
"We didn't, the screamers died during the invasion because they react badly to water!"
"Wow, this is just like that fairy tale. My therapist told it to me yesterday infact."
"But - he died a year ago!"
"So who gave us the scroll, was that real?"
"Oh that was The Grey Lord - it turns out he is actually evil, and testing us to see if we were his counterparts."
"What a twist!"
Just then, a UPS truck drove into the dungeon.
"What the f-lying dragon crap is that?"
"I'm with UPS, and this is a truck" said the UPS truck driver. "Your parents hide away here and created this world to protect themsevles from the evils of the world and provide a better life for you."
Shama-lama-ding-dong!
I mean....
CONGRATULATONS! You've won the game!
"Wait, why are you here?" asks Gothmog to the driver.
"I need to deliver this box."
"Hey guys, have you seen Syra?" asks Stamm.
"Oh dear god!" says Gothmog opening the package.
"What's in the box?" asks Stamm scared, "WHAT'S IN THE BOX?"
"Stay back!" yells Morgan Freeman into his radio mic, "John Doe has the upper hand!"
And they all lived happily ever after, as it turned out Syra was just getting tied up by perverts with some tinsel and te box just contained an ever-lasting waterskin for Gothmog.
The end.
(Also, it turned out the giant by the lift was actually a devilish demon. So that wasn't just unimaginative picture re-use in the web-based version.)
The fireballs advances and sweeps through the party.
"Wait a moment," says the party as one, "this isn't real! This is just a hallucination brought on by killer screamers poisoning us with hallucinagen so they can take over!"
"How did we shake it off?" asks one champion.
"We didn't, the screamers died during the invasion because they react badly to water!"
"Wow, this is just like that fairy tale. My therapist told it to me yesterday infact."
"But - he died a year ago!"
"So who gave us the scroll, was that real?"
"Oh that was The Grey Lord - it turns out he is actually evil, and testing us to see if we were his counterparts."
"What a twist!"
Just then, a UPS truck drove into the dungeon.
"What the f-lying dragon crap is that?"
"I'm with UPS, and this is a truck" said the UPS truck driver. "Your parents hide away here and created this world to protect themsevles from the evils of the world and provide a better life for you."
Shama-lama-ding-dong!
I mean....
CONGRATULATONS! You've won the game!
"Wait, why are you here?" asks Gothmog to the driver.
"I need to deliver this box."
"Hey guys, have you seen Syra?" asks Stamm.
"Oh dear god!" says Gothmog opening the package.
"What's in the box?" asks Stamm scared, "WHAT'S IN THE BOX?"
"Stay back!" yells Morgan Freeman into his radio mic, "John Doe has the upper hand!"
And they all lived happily ever after, as it turned out Syra was just getting tied up by perverts with some tinsel and te box just contained an ever-lasting waterskin for Gothmog.
The end.
(Also, it turned out the giant by the lift was actually a devilish demon. So that wasn't just unimaginative picture re-use in the web-based version.)