Bad day

[Jan]

So this morning, I came to the Faculty where I work and behind the entrance there was an obituary - one student of our Faculty, I lectured her last year, died. There was written that she had died "suddenly", so I don't know what had happened, perhaps a car accident or something. Gosh, she was only 21 years old! So I had to sit on the stairs there and I was thinking about it... she was definitely one of the most smart, polite and nice students I had... this is not fair, this is not fair! R.I.P., Tereza!

[beowuuf]

Condolenses to her family

[oh_brother]

Very sad, especially for someone so young. Dying suddenly must be particularly hard on the family - no warning whatsoever, just losing a daughter/sister overnight.

[Jan]

OK, so I talked to a few "class-mates" of Tereza, and they said that she had her leg broken some time ago and had this plaster cast on this leg, and then the doctors removed it and it was OK, but then there were some complications and she got something like Pulmonary embolism or so, and as a result she suddenly died.

Anyway, it's so sad. I can't stop thinking of it. You know, I've been teaching for about four years now, and I always try to develop kind of personal relations with my students, I consider them as personalities or individuals, I like watching them "evolving" and I'm always very happy when I see that they make progress, they have their own opinions, that I actually taught them someting and so on... and this was the first (and I hope the last too) time that something so terrible happened.

You know, it's so sad to see a wasted young life... it's always sad when someone dies, but if (s)he's old... you kind of accept it better... but in 21 years...

OK, so I just somehow had to say this, sorry for that. I'll probably go to a pub tonight and get drunk with my friends, because I need to talk to someone.

[Gambit37]

It's always good to talk about these things. Last year my nephew's girlfriend was killed in a car crash (he was driving and survived). She was just 19. It's impossible to not be affected by the loss of someone you know, especially at such a young age.

I'm so very sad for Tereza and I hope that all those who know her can come to terms with the loss and celebrate her life.

[Jan]

Thanks for the nice and wise words, guys. I remember you talking about your nephew's girlfriend, Gambit - it was a moving story too.

[T0Mi]

My condolenses to the family.

We had a similar incident with one of our workmates (28 years old, just finished with his studies) in October. His soda bottle and whats left of a chocolate is still at the place where he left it. Noone had the courage to remove it or to start working with his computer yet.

Best wishes!

[cowsmanaut]

We had a massive flood here several years back, the university was closed down for two days and there was a lot of damage. When we returned we found out that a short distance from my house, a head of one of the departments I had been working with on a colabouration with had died in the flood, a house fell on their house. Her husband in a coma, and she was crushed because she had been working late and was on the couch at the bottom floor. Their daughter was staying with an aunt.. but I can't decide if it's lucky.. or unlucky for her.. how do you continue on with life with such a situation not hitting you somehow? You, alive, for some unknown reason.. you could have been at home, but random fate takes you away and the two most important people are taken away. I don't know that the father survived his state or not. It was horrible. She was such a nice person and her death so random.

I've had two others die from falling out of a building, one jumped, the other was thrown. My cousin, was the one who jumped.. he was watching a movie with his GF.. and just said "sorry, I have to do this" and then jumped... no indication.. no reason.. no understanding. The other was a friend I was going to meet, but missed the call.. I found out days later she ended up going somwhere where some guy on a bad drug trip throws her 7 stories to her death. No reason.. and for me.. if I hadn't missed the call? She wouldn't have been there.

Death surrounds us all the time, yet rarely takes people at the time we expect. It's often not fair, and provides no answers. All it leaves is a warning, to live your life and participate in the lives of those you care about while you can. Do those things you feel you need to do. A good example I think is Loki, my parents fennec fox.. there's a photo of him on this forum somewhere. He's hiding in my jacket. He died a few days ago. However, he lived a very full fox life. Always taking advantage of every chance he got, and explored everything, said hello to everyone, ate anything you offered. He enjoyed his life, no doubt. I'd like to be more like Loki.

may you find peace in your mind, so that you may enjoy life.

[Jan]

may you find peace in your mind, so that you may enjoy life.

Again - I can only say that I'm so glad I'm here and that I can read your wise and kind words, guys.

[T0Mi]

We could open a thread about how to deal with the loss of beloved ones. Not really sure if it'll help tough. It's a very personal thing after all. Something you have to deal with on your very own. Talking helps, but when you're alone again, the memories and the guilt are there just like they were before. It seems only the passing of time can bring some healing, and there are always scars left. Scars that gather throughout your life.

[Ameena]

Scars can get better though. Well, physical ones do.
The only people I know of that I've lost have been my grandparents (well, three of them - the other one, my dad's dad, died when my dad was about 14 so I never exactly got any kind of chance to meet him or anything), so I can't really contribute much of any relevance. Errrmmm....yeah.

[Gambit37]

I've lost count of the number of people I've known who are no longer with us. Many family and friends have all passed on. You'd think the more you witness it, the easier it would get, but it never does.

We must make every day count. As Tolkien wrote in The Fellowship of the Ring: "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."

[T0Mi]

Same here. Not a whole lot of close relatives luckily, but many friends I knew since childhood. Close and not-so-close ones who died in accidents, committed suicide or got addicted to heroin, changing to a point I wouldn't recognize them anymore, then finally dying from an overdose. My ex-GFs mother died from "open breast cancer" and I was watching from a corner of the room, father and daughter holding her hand when she passed away. Beside the grief I mostly felt for my GF, there also was a lot of hate and anger. Her mother had to die a death full of unbearable pain, because the dosage of morphine was (and probably still is) restricted by some stupid law (defining the lethal dose) made by self-declared watchers of ethics. I hope they will die a similar death, with a doctor nearby waving his finger saying "nono, drugs are bad, mkay!"

However, 13.11.2001. It's a date I will never forget. I know it sounds ridiculous for most people, but this was the day my dog died in an accident. Almost a decade now, and it still hurts. Some time ago I've found an old toy which belonged to her and that somehow survived the moving to my new home, hidden in a box on the attic. It's one of those silly "Furby" toys which can make funny noises when shaken. Something like "wiky, ya, kinko, konko" and "whee, whaaa, hupapa!". I heard that thing squeaking, the battery depleted after all those years and I couldn't help but start crying. (I don't know what it is, that, for some, can make the death of a 'pet' so horribly equal to the death of a human, and maybe I don't really want to know.)

Still, we should be happy and joyful to have these feelings. It takes loved ones to feel a loss at all and there are so many people out there who not even have a faint idea of what it is like to love and to be loved. And if it's just because they weren't lucky enough to be born at the right time and place. Like we are. With that in mind: let's keep moving.

[Ameena]

I suggest not feeling "guilty" or anything about feeling sad about the death of a non-human. So they're not our species - so what? If you have, say, a dog who's been with you for years, given you loads of good times, great memories, loads of love and all that, why shouldn't it make you horribly sad when they die? Doesn't matter what the hell their species is - gerbil, dog, parrot, tarantula even...if you care about them I don't think it matters what the hell they are or that they're a "pet" - if they gave you good memories and made you feel happy, and that happiness is lost when you lose them, I say that's fair enough and you have every right to miss it. And sod anyone who says otherwise - they obviously don't know what it's like .

[Trantor]

Being late again, I could only repeat what others already said in words that are better than the ones I could ever hope to find. I can simply say that I feel for you, and for everyone who lost someone dear. It's not easy, but all we can do is live on and make the best of our time here.

[Jan]

Thanks, Trant and others. I'm really glad I can share here yours and my feelings.

[Zyx]

I'm sorry about the loss, Jan.

In a similar way, I'm mourning for Lhasa De Sela. I never had the joy to know her when she was alive. I remembered to check about her a few days ago, and while I was discovering the deep vibrations of a human voice, I also realized she just died. I'll never think of her as currently alive, about what will be her next album. I never could thank her. I would have had in the next hours.

Hurry to recognize and share your time with the still living, valuable ones. Live an eternity with them while you can. I can't say there's much more, but I think we can all live a lo grande (the great way).

[Jan]

Oh God, another dead student at our Faculty. I just can't believe it, it's the second student in a month.

I didn't know her - at least I don't remember, but I might have lectured her a few years ago. She studied geography and sports, and she was in the first year of her Master studies, so she must have been about 22 or 24 years old. She died "in an accident" (I don't know any details).

This is just terrible. Well, I hope this is the end of these horrible news here and I hope I won't need to write anything else in this forum. Starting this forum was probably a bad idea - any new post here might be so terrible. It's like getting a telegram in the past - if you got a telegram you knew that someone has died.

RIP, Veronika.

[beowuuf]

I remember we had a 40 - 50 year old who studied with us in our university course, and between two years I think he had passed away of a heart attack. I think the university environment is much more interconnected than a business environment, and yet of course just as large if not larger. So it's inevitable yet still sad when you hear of news like this.

[Bit]

...Starting this forum was probably a bad idea - any new post here might be so terrible. ...

So I post one not so terrible - just got some more bills, especially years' bill for energy.
At that point I'm not sure anymore what's harder - to be dead or alive. But well, don't worry... those are the bad days you can predict. And it goes on and on, and more expensive, and less income ... until we are a community in mad max style. To bed now - next shift is ahead.

[Gambit37]

Very sad news Jan, my thoughts are with her family and friends.

[cowsmanaut]

My Highschool in ontario was recognized as the highest for suicides. We had 3 in one term while I was there. 2 were because they were Homosexual and had "come out of the closet" or forced out and suffered for it. Friends of mine were fully out and never bothered about it though.. so I'm not sure what was the difference for them also I didn't really know them.. the 3rd I don't know what it was about. However, seeing memorials every few weeks in the front as you come in does little for school morale. I ended up staying in that school for only a year and then left it.

[Trantor]

These events somehow seem to have a tendency to come in batches. I'm sorry Jan.

[Bit]

Jan, just start a 'good day'-thread as soon as possible.

[Jan]

Thanks, guys. I've got a very busy day today, so I'll write more later.

[MasterWuuf]

Death is no friend to mankind. Sadly, it is a reality and a necessity.

[Jan]

Our doggie has died today in the morning. OK, he was 15 years old, so it was kind of "blessed age" for a dog, and we were expecting his death for some time (he was ill), but it's still... a bad news.

However, 13.11.2001. It's a date I will never forget. I know it sounds ridiculous for most people, but this was the day my dog died in an accident.

I can understand what you feel. Actually, it was our second dog, the first died in the age of about 10 years (I was ca 8 years old) - and I cannot forget her too.

Jan, just start a 'good day'-thread as soon as possible.

Any ideas right now?

[Gambit37]

Aw, I'm sorry to hear about your dog Jan.

One thing I have tried to do over the last year or so is to always try and find the flipside in any sad or difficult situation. I know it's not much, but try and take comfort that the positive flipside for your dog is that he's no longer suffering with poor health and can finally sleep peacefully.

[beowuuf]

Indeed, sorry to hear!

[Jan]

Thanks a lot, guys. It has been a stupid month, but I hope it's over now.

One thing I have tried to do over the last year or so is to always try and find the flipside in any sad or difficult situation. I know it's not much, but try and take comfort that the positive flipside for your dog is that he's no longer suffering with poor health and can finally sleep peacefully.

You're right. It's difficult, but... always look on the bright side of life!

We had a fox-terrier (Wire Fox Terrier), and I hope we'll buy another one. Not now, because the memories are still too vivid, but later. I love fox-terriers. They are the best dogs. Cute, nice, obedient, but also pretty tough fighters. They don't fear anything or anybody, but still, they can be trained very well, are faithful and reliable. They would never attack a man (or a child). They're hunters - but good ones. They have a very strong character with a "good" nature. They're very intelligent and "independent". This one and the previous one were both hunting rabbits, foxes, badgers, rats, muskrats and similar animals in the forest. Well - they've also killed some cats, hens, chickens, ducks and gooses in our neighbourhood. Which is another reason why to wait for some time before we get another dog - we have to make our neighbours relax, feel safe, get new poultry, "lull" them.